UPJOKE

Absolutely Terrible Jokes

Why is all of the music made in North Korea just absolutely terrible?

They've got no Seoul.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun was chatting with Mother Superior.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."



"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder nun.



"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line t...

I told my son that I found his hamster in our vacuum cleaner.

With tears in his eyes he said, "Please get a new one, daddy..."

"I was thinking the same," I said, "the suction is absolutely terrible."

Saw a woman get her nipple pierced in front of me at the bar last night.

On a side note, I am absolutely terrible at darts.

Two guys are debating...

**Guy 1:** Having cereal with water is so much better than having cereal with milk! Milk just overwhelms the flavor of the cereal, but water accentuates it. You gotta try it some time.
**Guy 2:** Your argument is sound.
**Guy 1:** Finally, someone who agrees wit–
**Guy 2:** Just a bun...

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

An old farmer goes to the doctor for chronic coughing

The doctor took a perfunctory look at the farmer and tsked. "Just one cigarette a day from now on!" he told the farmer.

Six months later the farmer comes back looking absolutely terrible. "I told you one cigarette a day," the doctor said. "Have you been taking my advice?"

The farmer re...

Job interview

A guy goes to a job interview and the interviewer asks " how is your maths skills".
The guy replies " oh, im real fast at maths". The interviewer is curious and decides to test him with some quick-fire questions. "
Interviewer: ok then. 9×5?
The guy quickly responds 50
Interviewer: 10×2<...

why did the computer go to the cafe?, and who is the king of the classroom?

to get a byte, and
the ruler!!!

my one sub teacher tells absolutely terrible jokes everytime we have her!

George Bush is being briefed about world news overnight...

...by his men, 'Mr President, there's been a plane crash in Australia, two Brazilian soldiers have been killed in action, a major bushfire....' George Bush interrupts and says, 'hang on, did you just say two Brazilian soldiers have been killed???!!!'
To which the man replies, 'That's correct Mr P...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer was tending to his livestock.

George, a farmer, was tending to his livestock when he noticed something about the grass. The grass in his field had smelled like chocolate. Also, he notices that his cows wouldn't eat this part of the field. The pigs and chickens would eat it, but not the cows. Over time, the milk the cows made was...

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