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1970 Jokes

In 1970, Doc Ellis pitched a no hitter on LSD

Which isnt that impressive when you realize the fact that in 1970, all the batters were on LSD as well

Why were birth rates low in 1970?

Why were birth rates low in 1970?

.

You can't get pregnant during '69.

Interviewer to Pelè: Do you think Barzil's 1970 team can beat today's Argentina?

Pelè: Yes.

Interviewer: By how much?

Pelè: 1:0

Interviewer: That's it?

Pelè: Well, most of us are over 75 now...

1970: Houston we have a problem

2020: Houston you have a problem

What nation has caused the largest population growth since 1970?

Insemination.

In 1970 they said that in 30 years we'd be vacationing on the moon.

It's 2018 and instead we're talking about vacationing on Mars some day.

A man's wife threw out his LEGO collection dating back to the 1970's.

She leaves him soon after. His son gathers a group of his friends to look around the house to cheer him up. . Soon the whole neighborhood joins in the effort. His father comes home and immediately panics.
"Son, what are all these people doing here?"
His son replies "We got some. but we're go...

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At the urinal

Two man, pissing side by side.

"Sorry sir, do you happen to be of the Jewish faith?"

"Erh... yes I am."

"You are from Krakow?"

"Yes."

"And did you always go to the small synagogue in the Lipowitz Street?"

"Yes, do we know each other?"

"I don't think s...

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Skipping First Grade

in 1970, a kindergartner was talking to his mother (the principal) and his father (a foreman at a local oil refinery) and proudly proclaimed that he was too smart for first grade and should be advanced into second grade in the next school year. The mother thought about this for a while and decided ...

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What do pornography and Heavy Metal have in common?

There was a lot more hair in the 1970’s and 1980’s.

1900: Let's filter coffee.

1950: We need to filter cigarettes.

1970: We should really filter water.

2015: I want to filter my face.

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A guy walks into a restaurant to drink wine.

When the waiter comes he orders a 1980 wine. The waiter goes to the kitchen, there are almost every type of wine there but can't find a 1980 wine. So he brings a glass of 1970 wine to the customer.
The customer takes a sip from the glass and he says
"This a 1970 wine, go bring me a 1980 wine...

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Eastern Europe Loved the USSR

In 1970 a Soviet trade delegation visits Czechoslovakia. The delegation is met at the airport by the minister for trade, and as the minister and the leader of the delegation drive to the city in the minister’s Zil limousine, the minister points out a large bronze statue of Lenin just outside the air...

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President Trump looked out the Oval Office window one winter morning -- and called in the FBI

The President was *furious* because someone had written "Fuck Trump" in yellow snow. "I want to know what loser did that, pronto!"

A few hours later, the FBI presented the results of their investigation. "Mr. President, the urine is Steve Bannon's, -- and the hand-writing is Melania's."
<...

Nearly became a Doctor

Only a few of my friends know that I nearly became a doctor. But this is what happened.

When I was young in the 1970's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked of us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the na...

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