Did you hear about that fancy, new, lightweight mucus that scientists discovered?

It’s rather phlegm-buoyant!

This one is mine, so it's not great, but I like it....

A guy named Bob works in an oil refinery, and since he only lives about a mile from the plant, he just rides his bicycle in every day. There only inconvenience is he has to carry his bike across a catwalk that stretches over numerous vats of oil being refined.

One day, he stumbles and *gloop...

LBJ always called JFK a lightweight.

He was right, one shot and he was gone.

How heavy are photons?

They’re lightweight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ed and Bob had just landed the biggest sale in their firm's history.

Ed and Bob had just landed the biggest sale in their firm's history. Ed knew he had to hurry home to his pushy wife Mary, but Bob persuaded him to have a drink or two at a nearby tavern. Being a lightweight, Ed vomited all over his shirt and tie after only a few.

"Aww man, Mary is going to k...

A normal day at the Apple store

Me: *Walks into an Apple store.*

Apple employee: Hi, what would you like today?

Me: I got $1000 to buy anything I want.

AE: Then our iPhone XS will be perfect! You can have the power of a computer right in your pocket. You can call, text, browse, play games, and so much more!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Angel Atop The Tree Tradition

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, s...

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