Why do witches and wizards do well in English class?

They're really good at spelling

Why can’t witches get pregnant

Because their husbands have hollow weenies

Why don't witches wear panties?

To get a better grip on the broomstick.

What you call a group of witches cooking simple recipes?

An Easy Bake Coven!

What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?

Broomates!

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but she’ll change it into a newt.

What does a witches car sound like?

BROOM BROOM

I have my wife to thank for this one: Why can't witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hallow-weenies!

If two witches buy two watches

Which witch would watch which watch?

How come witches fly solo?

Because there's no broom left for anyone else.

Witches don’t fart

They cast “smells”

LETS FLY, WITCHES!

why don’t witches wear panties ?

So they can hold onto their broomsticks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A banker down on his luck has decided to end it all

A young banker is standing on a tree limb with a rope around his neck, ready to end it all. He sees movement to his side and an ugly old woman comes from the brush, calling for him to stop.

“Stop! Why would a young man like yourself be doing such a thing?”

“My life is ruined!” He resp...

All the nurses are dressing up as witches for Halloween!

They will be scaretakers.

All the witches be going to KFC tonight

They love some coven-ready chicken.

The Witches just came out.

Glad to see it; especially now that they’ve legalized same-hex marriage.

What do witches do in the bathroom?

Bippity-boppity-poo.

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Through a poorly-worded genie wish, a man now has a 20-inch-long penis.

While the bragging rights were good for a few days, the man soon realizes that his dick is uncomfortable and unusable, and he must find a solution. He begins asking the local enchanters and witches if they have any suggestions, and finally gets a lead that the enchanted forest over yonder is home to...

How do witches write ?

in Cursive

What is witches slang for a creampie?

The leaky cauldron

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

Why do witches trust black cats?

Because their familiar

A witch was going through her recent order of newts...

... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks “What’s wrong, Master?”

The witch replied, “Well, I’ve got some good newts and some bad newts...”

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip their broom better.


I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ...

What's the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService

Where do cannibals burn their witches?

At the stake house.

What do you call a pig in a desert wearing a witches hat?

A ham sand witch.

What is it called when witches practice their spells?

Hex-ercise

Why can’t witches have babies?

Their husbands have hollow wieners!

Come on, better than why can’t fortune tellers have babies, Their husbands have crystal balls!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say it's colder than a Witches tit out..

So I touched my wife's tit, can confirm colder outside, but not by much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.

30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first dru...

In olde times, it's said that bog witches used to bewitch people or animals to carry messages over distances to each other.

They called it 'hexed messaging'.

The witches in Sabrina the Teenage Witch having a cat called Salem is like...

A Jewish family having a cat called Auschwitz.

How are sailors like witches?

They spend a lot of time cursing.


I'll show myself out.

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