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Witches Jokes

What sound does a witches vehicle make?

BROOM BROOM

Why don't witches wear panties?

To get better grip on the broom.

MacBeth meets the three witches on the marsh.

''Hail MacBeth. For a fee we will predict your future.''

-''Really? How much?''

''10 Pence per predicted year.''

''I want a prediction for my *whole* life.''

''That'll be 5 pence.''

- Herman Finkers

Why are witches never sweaty?

They wear moisture-wiccan clothes

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

why do witches only fly on brooms?

vacuum cleaners are too heavy

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

Three witches are standing around a bubbling caldron.

The first witch tastes the brew. "It needs an eye of newt," she says.

"Agreed" says the second.

"Aye," says the newt.

"Perfect," says the third.

Witches don’t fart

They cast “smells”

What happens to illiterate witches in school?

They get expelled!

a small village is home to three witches.

One witch puts up a sign in front of her house reading "Here lives the most powerful witch in the world!" A second witch sees the sign and puts up her own, reading "Here lives the most powerful witch in the universe!" The third witch sees both signs and puts up her own sign reading "Here lives the m...

A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.

She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"

Why can’t witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hollow weenies.

What is the most prevalent STI wizards and witches get?

Hog warts.

If two witches buy two watches

Which witch would watch which watch?

What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?

Broomates!

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

LETS FLY, WITCHES!

why don’t witches wear panties ?

So they can hold onto their broomsticks.

How come witches fly solo?

Because there's no broom left for anyone else.

What you call a group of witches cooking simple recipes?

An Easy Bake Coven!

How do witches write ?

in Cursive

The Witches just came out.

Glad to see it; especially now that they’ve legalized same-hex marriage.

What do witches do in the bathroom?

Bippity-boppity-poo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.

30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first dru...

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but she’ll change it into a newt.

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip their broom better.


I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

All the witches be going to KFC tonight

They love some coven-ready chicken.

I have my wife to thank for this one: Why can't witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hallow-weenies!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Through a poorly-worded genie wish, a man now has a 20-inch-long penis.

While the bragging rights were good for a few days, the man soon realizes that his dick is uncomfortable and unusable, and he must find a solution. He begins asking the local enchanters and witches if they have any suggestions, and finally gets a lead that the enchanted forest over yonder is home to...

What do witches bake cakes in?

Covens

What do you call a witches comedy club in Mexico ?

A bruja-ja .

Where do cannibals burn their witches?

At the stake house.

All the nurses are dressing up as witches for Halloween!

They will be scaretakers.

What is witches slang for a creampie?

The leaky cauldron

They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService

What's the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

What is it called when witches practice their spells?

Hex-ercise

What do you call a pig in a desert wearing a witches hat?

A ham sand witch.

Why can’t witches have babies?

Their husbands have hollow wieners!

Come on, better than why can’t fortune tellers have babies, Their husbands have crystal balls!

A witch was going through her recent order of newts...

... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks “What’s wrong, Master?”

The witch replied, “Well, I’ve got some good newts and some bad newts...”

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