Why don’t witches wear undies?

To get a better grip on their brooms.

In olde times, it's said that bog witches used to bewitch people or animals to carry messages over distances to each other.

They called it 'hexed messaging'.

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.


What do you call a group of attractive, promiscuous witches?

An Easy Bae Coven.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say it's colder than a Witches tit out..

So I touched my wife's tit, can confirm colder outside, but not by much.

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

Witches and wizards don't fart.

They cast smells.

Why did the witches lose their baseball game

their bats flew away.

How are sailors like witches?

They spend a lot of time cursing.

I'll show myself out.

I'm pretty convinced that tall girls are secretly witches

Every time I try to work up the courage to talk to one, I get turned into a chicken ☠️

The witches in Sabrina the Teenage Witch having a cat called Salem is like...

A Jewish family having a cat called Auschwitz.

What do you call witches that live together?


What do you call a bunch of witches getting together to smoke weed?

Easy Bake coven

Why don't witches wear a flat cap?

There's no point to it

How do you tell two witches apart?

You can't! You don't know which witch is which!

Why do witches like candles so much?

Because they're wicked!

What do Terrorist Witches ride?


I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth

Because they think that Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair.

Why don't witches have babies?

Because their men have hollow-weenies!

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip.

Happy Halloween :)

HALLOWEEN JOKE: Why don't witches ever have babies?

Because warlocks have hollow weenies!

What does a warlock farmer rap about?

Witches and hoes.

A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.

He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started stro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

This guy was down on his luck...

He lost his job and was really in debt, so he decided to end it all. He went to a bridge outside town and was ready to jump, when out of the gathering fog he saw a figure coming slowly toward him. It was the ugliest woman he’d ever seen and she was wearing a conical hat.

“Who the hell are yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a woman want to have most?

Long time ago there was a monster wandering around villages. Each time he arrived a village, it would disappear from the map. But the monster was reasonable. As soon as he came to the village, the head of the village would be summoned, deciding the fate of themselves.

The monster said: "I wil...

An angry man makes pots for a living.

He works all day in his pottery making pots. When he leaves, he slams the door and grumbles home.

At home he demands his dinner, and then reads the paper. Every night his loving wife nags him that his temper will get him in trouble.

Sure enough one day on his way home he bumps into a w...

Dorothy is stuck in Oz

Apparently magical footwear can't solve all of your problems. So she stays put.

Decades go by, and technology advances. Dorothy, realizing that things get boring without witches trying to murder you, gets a laptop.

She installs Internet Explorer, and the connection is terrible. Doroth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Light bulb jokes

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the Diet Coke and one to call daddy.

How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
Real men aren't afraid of the dark.

How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bu..THAT'S NO...

Chickens making knock knock jokes.

-Why did the chicken cross the road?

-Are you kidding me?

-To get to the ugly witches house.

Knock, knock.

-Who's there?

-The chicken.

A little Harry Potter humour...

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?


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