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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the s...

Around 50 million years ago, whales lived on land. Until some of them decided to go back to the sea.

The rest of them stayed on land and became yo mumma

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One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean

One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean. They came across a whalers ship and the first whale was immediately angered by this. He tells the second whale,

*“Whalers killed my brother! I want revenge! Let’s use our blowholes as hard as we can to tip the ship underneath and drown them!”*<...

If I hear one more pun about whales,

I’m gonna krill myself

A teacher was teaching her class about whales.

She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn’t possibly swallow a hu...

What’s the difference between blue whales and green peas?

A leprechaun doesn’t get offended if you ask him if his whale’s blue.

Do you know why they're called 'Sperm' Whales?

Because they're delicious.

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Whale joke

Me: Hey did you know that whales can ejaculate over 50 gallons?

Friend: No but umm thank you for the info

Me: You’re whalecum

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

Yo mama's so fat...

...whales harpooned her.

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TIL That a Blue Whales Anus Can Stretch to 40 Inches...

This makes it the second biggest asshole on earth, right behind Mitch McConnell.

Two whales walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they would like.

The first whale says, "WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOO".

The second whale says, "Damn it, Frank, you're already drunk."

Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play

The orcana

Where do whales wait?

At the whaleway station.

:)

Why can't most sharks and whales read?

They are not part of a school

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A girlfriend and boyfriend whale spot a whaling vessel.

The male whale recognised the vessel as the vessel that killed his father, he mentions this to his girlfriend. He says to his girlfriend will you help me take revenge on the whaling vessel. She is more than happy to help out her boyfriend.

The boyfriend’s plan is to swim up under the vessel a...

What does a dog and a whale have in common?

They both start with the letter d if the whales name is david

Going to a bar

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large woman came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me, “it’s Wales, dumbo!”

So I corrected myself, “oh right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”<...

Two big girls walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies **"Wales!"**

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Where do whales go to listen to music?

The orca-stra

Two whales are sitting at a bar...

Two whales are sitting at a bar. The first leans closer to the second and says: "Wooooooo-ahhhhhh-oooo-ahhhh-ahn-ahn-ahn-woooooooo"

The second whale pushes him back, setting him upright on his stool and grumbles: "Shut up, Frank, you're drunk!

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Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the surface fill our lungs full of air and go right underneath the boat and blow as h...

I knew a guy that circumcised whales.

It didn’t pay much but the tips were huge.


credit u/mole4000

An american fellow visiting at an English bar notices two attractive women with thick Irish accents sitting at the booth next to him....

out of curiousity, He approaches them and asks "Excuse me, are you two ladies from England?
One of the women gets mad and yellls "ITS WALES, YOU IDIOT!!!"

So after a Deep shock.... the gentleman responds "Excuse Me, are you two Whales from England"?

Fish Joke

What do you call fishing for whales?



A Pod Cast.....

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2 whales

2 whales Tom and Betty are swimming around the ocean enjoying there day having fun. Tom sees a whaling ship in the distance and says to Betty “ hey look it’s one of those whaling ships, I have an idea.” Betty says “oh yea and what is that.” Tom says “let’s go swim under that ship and we will blow as...

My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales.

But he prefers the term orchestrating

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

Whales are the saddest creatures in the world.

They always have a heavy heart.

How do whales prepare for a party?

They orca-nise it.

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The whale babies

A blue whale father is swimming with his son through the ocean

„ Daddy ? „, asks the boy

„ Yes ? „

„ How are baby whales made? „

„ Uhm „, answers the fathers with a pause, „ I can tell you „

„ Great! Thanks Daddy !„

„ You are whalecum „

What do whales do during Social Distancing?

Netflix and Krill

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A whales anus can stretch up to 1,000mm wide

Making it the second biggest arsehole in the world after Scott Morrison

Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together.

They call it an orca-stra.

English Whales

British tommy: Are you two girls from England?
Girls: Wales....
British tommy: are you two whales from England??

What do you call a group of 3 finned whales that never gives up and are difficult to knock over??

A tri-pod

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Two whales are enjoying a nice swim before they see a ship

The first whale begins to panic. "Honey, that's a whaling ship! They'll harpoon us and cut us up! What do we do?"

The second whale thinks for a few seconds. "Okay, I've got it. We'll go under the ship and blow out our blowholes as hard as we can. We should be able to tip the boat over."
...

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[nsfw] so apparently adult male whales have a 10 foot long penis when fully erect

The only thing i dont get is how rebel wilson fits it in her pants

It's illegal to hunt whales in Arizona

Arizona is land locked.

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They made the law to protect your mom

at the bar…

MAN: Hello ladies, love your English accents…
WOMAN 1: They’re Welsh accents.
MAN: Well, may I buy you Welshland ladies a drink?
WOMAN 2: It’s *Wales*, you idiot!
MAN: Sorry, may I buy you two *whales* a drink?

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What do whales do when another whale tries to have sex with them?

They hump-back

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive west.

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Whales have pretty sexual names, Sperm whale, humpback whale...

Your mom

Two whales walk into a bar

The first whale goes "oooOOOOOoooo...aaaaaaaaa......\*BLURB\* \*BLURB\* \*BLURB\* aaaaaaEEEEEooooOOOOOO ooooeeeEEE \*whomp\* \*whomp\*\*whomp\* acacacacacacacacacacac oooOOoooeeeeeeEEEEEE AAAAAAaaaaaaOoooOOOOOOOO"

The second whale looks at him and goes "I don't get it."

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Two Whales

A male and a female whale were swimming along the coast of Japan and noticed a whaling ship not too far from them.

The male whale gets angry at the sight of the ship because his father was killed by whalers a few years ago. He decides that he wants payback. He turns to the female whale and...

What do groups of whales listen to together?

*pod*-casts

What do you call a band full of whales?

An ORCAstra

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C-Worthy NSFW

And then there’s the one about the killer whales who got tired of whales getting killed off by fishermen. So a pod of them got together to plan a retaliation.

The pod leader says, “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. The next time a group of boats come by, we’ll swim under them, use our blo...

What do a group of whales listen to on long journey?

Podcasts.

What's a whales favorite sandwich?

Krilled cheese

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Where did all the sperm whales come from?

Moby Dick

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Two whales are chilling in the ocean when a boat floats above them...

Whale 1: Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went under the boat and tipped it over with our blow holes.

Whale 2: Haha yeah, let's do it!

*The two whales proceed to go under the boat, blow their blow holes and tip it over*

Whale 1: Hahaha that was great! You know what woul...

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