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Whales Jokes

What do you call a pod of singing killer whales?

An orcapella group

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Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the ...

A Whale Tale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow an entire human being because, even though the whale was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jo...

What should you do when writing a research paper about whales?

Include a cetacean

I heard that whales never skip leg day,

Just look at their huge calfs.

Where do you weigh Whales?

At the whale weigh station.

All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA

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Two whales

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."

"Okay," says the other whale.


They proceed to do so and swim ...

Two whales walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what he can get them.

The first whale says "WOOOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE WWONNNKKKKKWOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOO."

The second whale says "damn it Frank you're already drunk."

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Whales have pretty names, Sperm whale, humpback whale...

Your mom

From my 6 year old: Why do whales hate the rain?

Cause it gets them all wet.

Two big girls walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies **"Wales!"**

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

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One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean

One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean. They came across a whalers ship and the first whale was immediately angered by this. He tells the second whale,

*“Whalers killed my brother! I want revenge! Let’s use our blowholes as hard as we can to tip the ship underneath and drown them!”*<...

Sperm whales

Could they be the reason the sea is so salty?

how do groups of dolphins get away from killer whales

They escape in pods

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you idiot!"

So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's...

Guess what my grades and whales have in common?

They rarely rise above "C" level. ᴴᵉˡᵖ

What did the Texas Coast Guard say to the three captured whales?

Whale, whale, whale

Two whales are at a bar

One turns to the other and says (obnoxious whale noises for 30 sec.) The other then days go home steve your drunk

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My music teacher constructed a piece for heterosexual killer whales.

That's something I wouldn't know how to orca straight.

I knew a guy that circumcised whales.

It didn’t pay much but the tips were huge.


credit u/mole4000

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive west.

What do Whales do when they hook up?

Netflix and Krill

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Two Whales

A male and a female whale were swimming along the coast of Japan and noticed a whaling ship not too far from them.

The male whale gets angry at the sight of the ship because his father was killed by whalers a few years ago. He decides that he wants payback. He turns to the female whale and...

If I hear one more pun about whales,

I’m gonna krill myself

Do you know why they're called 'Sperm' Whales?

Because they're delicious.

English Whales

British tommy: Are you two girls from England?
Girls: Wales....
British tommy: are you two whales from England??

Where do whales go to listen to music?

The orca-stra

Which whales have the fastest websites?

Cachalots

Why can't most sharks and whales read?

They are not part of a school

What’s the difference between blue whales and green peas?

A leprechaun doesn’t get offended if you ask him if his whale’s blue.

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Whale joke

Me: Hey did you know that whales can ejaculate over 50 gallons?

Friend: No but umm thank you for the info

Me: You’re whalecum

It's illegal to hunt whales in Arizona

Arizona is land locked.

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They made the law to protect your mom

I just learned this morning of the whale oil harvesting process…

In the 1800s when sailors were hunting whales for oils, it would take days while one is harpooned to get it into the boat while it passes and fights and the oils would even seep out making it very slippery and challenging to get into the boat so they had to use these beef hooks like butcher beef hoo...

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Two whales are swimming in the ocean.

A Father and a Son.

The Son turns to his father and ask "Dad where did I come from?"

Dad replies "My Son"

Son says "Oh.. Thanks Dad"

Dad says "You're whale "

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Two whales.

Two whales are sitting at a bar. One of them suddenly says: "Mmmwaamm!"
The second whale looks over and and says: "Holy , you're drunk."

How do whales prepare for a party?

They orca-nise it.

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What do whales do when another whale tries to have with them?

They hump-back

Two whales are sitting at a bar

The first whale says: "eeeeeooooooohhhhhh mmmmmmuhuuuuuuaaaa clck clck clck clck AAAAuuuuuUuuuuuh!!!"

And the second whale replies back: "dude you are WASTED I hope you didn't drive here"

Two whales walk into a bar

The first whale goes "oooOOOOOoooo...aaaaaaaaa......\*BLURB\* \*BLURB\* \*BLURB\* aaaaaaEEEEEooooOOOOOO ooooeeeEEE \*whomp\* \*whomp\*\*whomp\* acacacacacacacacacacac oooOOoooeeeeeeEEEEEE AAAAAAaaaaaaOoooOOOOOOOO"

The second whale looks at him and goes "I don't get it."

What do you call a band full of whales?

An ORCAstra

How do whales do cocaine

In there blow holes

My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales.

But he prefers the term orchestrating

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A whales can stretch up to 1,000mm wide

Making it the second biggest in the world after Scott Morrison

Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play

The orcana

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The whale babies

A blue whale father is swimming with his son through the ocean

„ Daddy ? „, asks the boy

„ Yes ? „

„ How are baby whales made? „

„ Uhm „, answers the fathers with a pause, „ I can tell you „

„ Great! Thanks Daddy !„

„ You are whalecum „

What do groups of whales listen to together?

*pod*-casts

Why don't they let whales into strip clubs?

They tend to humpback.

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Where did all the sperm whales come from?

Moby

They say whales are going extinct...

...but have you been to Golden Corral recently?
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