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Whales Jokes

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turn...

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Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the ...

What do you call a pod of singing killer whales?

An orcapella group

Where do you weigh Whales?

At the whale weigh station.

A Whale Tale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow an entire human being because, even though the whale was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jo...

What should you do when writing a research paper about whales?

Include a cetacean

All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA

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Two whales

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."

"Okay," says the other whale.


They proceed to do so and swim ...

Two whales walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what he can get them.

The first whale says "WOOOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE WWONNNKKKKKWOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOO."

The second whale says "damn it Frank you're already drunk."

I heard that whales never skip leg day,

Just look at their huge calfs.

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Whales have pretty sexual names, Sperm whale, humpback whale...

Your mom

Two big girls walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies **"Wales!"**

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

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Two whales are chilling in the ocean when a boat floats above them...

Whale 1: Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went under the boat and tipped it over with our blow holes.

Whale 2: Haha yeah, let's do it!

*The two whales proceed to go under the boat, blow their blow holes and tip it over*

Whale 1: Hahaha that was great! You know what woul...

From my 6 year old: Why do whales hate the rain?

Cause it gets them all wet.

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One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean

One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean. They came across a whalers ship and the first whale was immediately angered by this. He tells the second whale,

*“Whalers killed my brother! I want revenge! Let’s use our blowholes as hard as we can to tip the ship underneath and drown them!”*<...

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So two whales are swimming along...

... when they spot a whaling ship. The first whale, in shock, says, "Hey! That's that ship that attacked our pod last year. We should sink it. We'll dive deep under the boat and blow bubbles up. The bubbles will capsize the boat and they'll sink!"

The second whale agrees and they begin their ...

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(NSFW) Two whales are swimming in the ocean and discover a little sailing boat...

one whale asks the other:

"Do you want to have some fun? Let's swim under the boat and blow air to make the boat capsize!"

He agrees. So they dive under the boat, blow air and the boat flips.

"This was fun. What do you think about eating the sailors? It would be a shame to let t...

Sperm whales

Could they be the reason the sea is so salty?

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A girlfriend and boyfriend whale spot a whaling vessel.

The male whale recognised the vessel as the vessel that killed his father, he mentions this to his girlfriend. He says to his girlfriend will you help me take revenge on the whaling vessel. She is more than happy to help out her boyfriend.

The boyfriend’s plan is to swim up under the vessel a...

how do groups of dolphins get away from killer whales

They escape in pods

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's...

Two whales are at a bar

One turns to the other and says (obnoxious whale noises for 30 sec.) The other then days go home steve your drunk

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive west.

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My music teacher constructed a piece for heterosexual killer whales.

That's something I wouldn't know how to orca straight.

Guess what my grades and whales have in common?

They rarely rise above "C" level. ᴴᵉˡᵖ

What did the Texas Coast Guard say to the three captured whales?

Whale, whale, whale

I knew a guy that circumcised whales.

It didn’t pay much but the tips were huge.


credit u/mole4000

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2 whale friends are swimming in the ocean

After a while, they spot a boat and one of the whales goes 'hey! That's the boat that harpooned my father!'

'We have to avenge him!' said the other whale.

So they decided to swim under the boat and blow out of their blowholes at the same time, so the boat would capsize and the men wo...

What do Whales do when they hook up?

Netflix and Krill

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Chuck Norris Once Jizzed in the Ocean

That's why we have sperm whales.

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Two Whales

A male and a female whale were swimming along the coast of Japan and noticed a whaling ship not too far from them.

The male whale gets angry at the sight of the ship because his father was killed by whalers a few years ago. He decides that he wants payback. He turns to the female whale and...

If I hear one more pun about whales,

I’m gonna krill myself

Do you know why they're called 'Sperm' Whales?

Because they're delicious.

Where do whales go to listen to music?

The orca-stra

English Whales

British tommy: Are you two girls from England?
Girls: Wales....
British tommy: are you two whales from England??

Which whales have the fastest websites?

Cachalots

Why can't most sharks and whales read?

They are not part of a school

What’s the difference between blue whales and green peas?

A leprechaun doesn’t get offended if you ask him if his whale’s blue.

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Whale joke

Me: Hey did you know that whales can ejaculate over 50 gallons?

Friend: No but umm thank you for the info

Me: You’re whalecum

It's illegal to hunt whales in Arizona

Arizona is land locked.

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They made the law to protect your mom

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Two whales were swimming through ocean when... NSFW

They spotted a whaling vessel overhead. The young whale turns to the old whale and says, "Hey, Mom! Thats the boat that killed father. Lets get it!" The mother turns to her daughter, nodding in agreement, and says, "Heres what we will do: I will swim directly under the boat and blow bubbles until th...

I just learned this morning of the whale oil harvesting process…

In the 1800s when sailors were hunting whales for oils, it would take days while one is harpooned to get it into the boat while it passes and fights and the oils would even seep out making it very slippery and challenging to get into the boat so they had to use these beef hooks like butcher beef hoo...

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Two whales are swimming in the ocean.

A Father and a Son.

The Son turns to his father and ask "Dad where did I come from?"

Dad replies "My penis Son"

Son says "Oh.. Thanks Dad"

Dad says "You're whale cum"

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Two whales.

Two whales are sitting at a bar. One of them suddenly says: "Mmmwaamm!"
The second whale looks over and and says: "Holy shit, you're fucking drunk."

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There are 2 whales, we'll call them whale #1 and whale #2

Whale #1 said "Hey let's use our blowholes to mess with that ship"

Whale #2 said "Sure, okay"

The boat flipped upside down and people were drowning and swimming around

Whale #1 then said "Let's eat these people"

Whale #2 replied "Hey man I was up for a blowjob but I'm no...

How do whales prepare for a party?

They orca-nise it.

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What do whales do when another whale tries to have sex with them?

They hump-back

Two whales are sitting at a bar

The first whale says: "eeeeeooooooohhhhhh mmmmmmuhuuuuuuaaaa clck clck clck clck AAAAuuuuuUuuuuuh!!!"

And the second whale replies back: "dude you are WASTED I hope you didn't drive here"

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2 Whales, 1 whaling ship

One day a male and a female whale are swimming along, when the male whale sees the whaling ship that killed his mother. He turns to the female whale, and says "I have a plan. Lets both take a huge breath of air, swim under that whaling ship, expel all our breath, and see if we can sink it." The fema...

Two whales walk into a bar

The first whale goes "oooOOOOOoooo...aaaaaaaaa......\*BLURB\* \*BLURB\* \*BLURB\* aaaaaaEEEEEooooOOOOOO ooooeeeEEE \*whomp\* \*whomp\*\*whomp\* acacacacacacacacacacac oooOOoooeeeeeeEEEEEE AAAAAAaaaaaaOoooOOOOOOOO"

The second whale looks at him and goes "I don't get it."

What do you call a band full of whales?

An ORCAstra

How do whales do cocaine

In there blow holes

My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales.

But he prefers the term orchestrating

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A whales anus can stretch up to 1,000mm wide

Making it the second biggest arsehole in the world after Scott Morrison

Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play

The orcana

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2 Whales [long]

2 Whales, a boy whale and a girl whale, are swimming in the ocean when they see a big whaling vessel. The boy whale freaks out.

"That's the ship that speared my father," the boy whale says to the girl whale. "We must avenge his death. Let's go underneath it and use our blowholes to capsize t...

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The whale babies

A blue whale father is swimming with his son through the ocean

„ Daddy ? „, asks the boy

„ Yes ? „

„ How are baby whales made? „

„ Uhm „, answers the fathers with a pause, „ I can tell you „

„ Great! Thanks Daddy !„

„ You are whalecum „

What do groups of whales listen to together?

*pod*-casts

Why don't they let whales into strip clubs?

They tend to humpback.

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Two whales are swimming in the sea...

These two whales, we'll call them Mamma and son, were swimming in the wild blue yonder when Mamma saw a boat, she said to son "Son you keep your distance from them boats." For it was a harpoon boat, but just as they were turning around, BANG! THUD, the harpoon went right into the side of Mamma. Dow...

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Two whales are swimming in the ocean and encounter a whale hunting ship.

The first whale is furious, and says to the second, “look over there! Those are the people that killed our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends! We should take revenge!” The second whale is also angry on hearing this, and agrees, saying, “what should we do?” The first whale thinks for a whil...

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Where did all the sperm whales come from?

Moby Dick

They say whales are going extinct...

...but have you been to Golden Corral recently?

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