Wagging Jokes

A king had 10 wild dogs.
He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all…
So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said,
"I served you loyall... read more

And the handler says "No, sir, this is a sniffer dog -- he only alerts for narcotics", and I say "heh, yeah, my poor pooch has such a habit..."

He puts the dog on the bar and says to the bartender, "25 bucks says this dog can talk!"

Bartender says, "I'll take that bet. Make it quick."

Man looks at the dog and points upward. "What's the name of this thing over our head keeps the rain out?"

Dog barks, ... read more

My friend told me he had a new dog so I went to see him. When I entered his house the dog greeted me in a friendly manner, wagging its tail, then it suddenly said: "The British Empire!".

I was taken aback and thought I must be hearing things, when the dog spoke again: "The Thistle! The Garte... read more

Repost due to incomplete joke, if anyone wants to trim it or change it for the better feel free:
I was watching Jimmy Kimmel and discussing where to go for lunch with my girlfriend when the topic of “unconditional love” was brought up. I nodded and told her “…of course I love you and you love... read more

...like your dog wagging it's tail while you scold it.

He asks, “Is that dog there really playing poker?”

The bartender replies, “Yeah, but he’s not too bright. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.”

wagging her flipper, she lectures "you shouldn't be selfish, after all it's walrUS, not walri.". The child walrus, thinking walrus was a Latin word, is naturally confused.

“I keep it super clean,” he said. “And my fish are always so darn happy.”



“How the heck can you tell your fish are happy?” his friend asked.



“Because,” Al replied, “they are always wagging their tails.”

"Dad?" The boy asks. "Is it true that there was an accident at Chernobyl in 1986?" "Yes, there was," the father replies, patting his head. "And is it true that there were no consequences?" The little boy asks. "Absolutely," the father replies, patting his son's second head. And they strolled off to... read more

A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before... read more

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero’s escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
“Excuse me,” she said, tapping Roxy’s owner on the shoulder, “that dog is extraordinary.... read more

A doctor, priest and lawyer have a wealthy friend on his deathbed. The wealthy man tells them "I know they say you can't take it with you but I'm willing to try. I'm going to give you duffel bags with 5 million in cash each and at my funeral I want each of you to put it in my grave". Sure enough the... read more

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to ac... read more

A man and his dog walk into a bar, the man sits down, and his dog follows in suit. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The man orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it as soon as the glass hits the bar. "That'll be $3.50." the bartender says promptly. "What if I told you that my dog is able to t... read more

In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owners little dog being around the bar, so were quite upset when one day the little dog died. Everyone met to decide how they could remember the little dog. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up behind the bar to rem... read more