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Totter Jokes

What's the difference between a teeter totter on a ranch and a donkey's grandpa?

One's a yee haw seesaw and the other is a hee haw peepaw.

A young woman in New York...

... was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to li...

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Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.

"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?" ...

A Pastor is preaching on Loving Your Enemies

He expounds on the value of grace and forgiveness to all and how we are called to love our neighbors and our enemies as much as we love ourselves.

The congregation is roused to action and filled with the Holy Spirit

The pastor asks them all "Will you go out into the world and love you...

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing...

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing at the end of the path, as he had done at the close of every day for the last 73 turnings of the Earth. Never farther, for it was as far North as he ever went, and he came this far only to pour out his sorrows to the fin...

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An elderly couple was listening ...

...to a religious revival on the radio. The preacher ended his stirring speech by saying "God wants to heal you all. Just stand up, put your hand on the radio, then place the other hand on the part of your body that is sick."

The old woman tottered to her feet, put one hand on the radio and ...

So Koala was smoking in a tree...

... And he was getting really high. He'd been up there for a pretty long time, and lizard walked by. Lizard sees Koala and says "hey koala! You got enough to share? I haven't smoked in forever!"
Koala, being a pretty chill dude, says "sure man!" And lizard climbed the tree and joined him.
They...

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A DOTA2 Joke Made My BF Help Bring In Groceries

My boyfriend (a League guy) and I (a DOTA gal) were grocery shopping the other day. His brother was driving and Boyfriend was in the front seat. Since we forgot the trunk key (it's a Chevy Celebrity, you need a key) I was forced to spoon with the groceries in the back seat. When we got home, I strug...

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An old woman asks for her neighbor's parrot..

An old woman was chatting with her next door neighbor, and when he mentioned that he was going away to college and could not take his parrot with him, she asked him what he would do with the bird.
"Ah, I'll give 'em to the pet store. Somebody else's problem."
Well this just would not do for t...

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