UPJOKE
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Two drunk guys are standing atop a tall building

While opening another beer, one guy says "It's crazy how windy it is up here!"
The other answers in slurred speach "Yeah, it's because of all the tall buildings here in the city center. This building is actually a special spot. There are such strong crosswinds here that you can actually jump of...

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My wife and I were driving home late last night.

We spotted a scantily dressed young lady standing somewhat unsteadily at the corner. My wife remarked, "she looks high as shit!"

"Oh, I don't know," I replied, "Fifty dollars doesn't seem that high to me."

My arm is still sore where she punched me.

A little old lady is late for work

And settles into a pew at the back just as the priest is saying "And anyone who has recently committed adultery should stand up." Being somewhat hard of hearing, she asks the boy next to her to repeat what the priest just said. "He asked everyone who wants a mint to stand up." The boy replied mischi...

A man had too much to drink...

He was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

β€œWhat are you doing out here at two in the morning?” asked the officer.

β€œI’m going to a lecture,” the man said.

β€œAnd who is going to ...

David's life was at a low point.

Seeing no way out, he walked out on a bridge, intending to end it all by leaping off. A woman, driving by in her car, sees David hesitating unsteadily on the wrong side of the railing and realizes what's going on. She stops her car and dashes over, hoping to talk him out of suicide.

"Wait!" s...

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