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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

Dating in rural towns is strange.

When a girl says daddy it’s hard to tell if it’s a fetish thing or if she’s thinking about her ex.

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
“Are you the manager?”, she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands....

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

A politician visited a small remote rural town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

"We have two big needs," said the Town Mayor. "First, we have a clinic but no doctors."

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, "I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"

"We have no cell phone reception at...

A french cheese factory blew up in rural paris

There was de brie everywhere on the floor

A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road.

He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.

Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph!

The man in the...

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What do you call the app for rural dating?

Bumblefuck.

A white man visits a rural tribe in Africa

A white man wants to take the trip of a lifetime, and decides on a trip to Africa. He is in a go nowhere job, with no friends or family, and is feeling down. He quits his job and decides to travel to a remote area, far from civilization. He does not like the touristy vibe that some places give off, ...

A man was driving in rural Pennsylvania

When he saw what looked like a Mennonite up ahead on his bicycle.

“I’m gonna play with this guy,” he thought, as he stepped on the gas to give the poor Mennonite a scare and show him who the king of the road is. WHOOSH, he blasted by the poor, helpless bike rider.

As he was having a ...

An American working in London visits a rural pub in the west country

There are three farmers sitting at a table and he can't help but overhear their discussion.

"I reckons its like TrrrrrrrrrUUUUUUUMMMP!" says the first farmer ending the sound with a triumphant squeaking crescendo

"No no, it's more like Trrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooooomp" responds the ...

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A man was taking a train to the city from a rural town, when he saw the most beautiful blonde he'd ever laid his eyes on

Upon close inspection, it seemed that the woman was a country bumpkin; and that he overheard her say to an attendant that it was her first time riding a train, and going to a big city.


Because his lust was too strong, he was determined to take advantage of her and waited for an opportunit...

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

A guy is driving through a rural area

when he sees a farmer holding a pig up to a tree so the pig can eat apples.
He stops his car and shouts to the farmer, 'Isn't that a waste of time?'
'Shoot'. says the farmer, 'what's time to a pig?'

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

A man went to a conference in a rural town. On the way back, his car broke down.

Looking around, he saw a monastery sitting on a hill. He decided to ask to stay the night. The monks were welcoming and gave him a room to stay in. In the middle of the night, the man woke to hear strange, beautiful, haunting music. It captivated him. He lay still, crying for the whole hour in which...

Why are there so many unreported crimes in rural Alabama?

Because they’re one big, happy family.

A young man's truck breaks down in rural Georgia right next to a farm

After trying (and failing) to fix his truck, he decides to ask the farmer if he can spend the night at his house. The farmer reluctantly agrees, saying "The only room I have available is across from my 18 year old daughter's room. I don't want to see you trying anything." As the farmer leads the you...

A buck wearing a robe and clutching a bible was found dead near a rural highway...

The person who found the animal exclaimed "Deer Lord" upon its discovery.

What type of vehicle does a rural boy with synchronous diaphragmatic flutter drive?

A hiccup truck

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A newly graduated doctor is assigned to a rural area, and after a few days he realizes that there were no women in the village, they were all men.

After taking a bit of confidence he asks one of his patients that they did when they had the need for sex and the patient replied: That they went down to the river.

The weekend came and the doctor went to the river, and there was a huge line of men standing on the shore of the river. Being so...

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A wake for my mother-in-law

Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"

"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"

"Oh, No!" ...

A journalist is doing an article on the life in a small rural town in the Balkans. NSFW

He arrives in the town and starts interviewing a local:

Journalist: "So can you tell me about the happiest day in your town's history?"

Local: "Well it was about 3 years ago, a goat got lost and all the men were looking for it. We finally found it after 2 days and we were all so happy ...

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An african zoologist moves to Rural Alabama. One day, a farmer knocks on the door, behind him is his wife, holding a black baby...

Immediatly, the farmer grabs the zoologist by his collar and yells "Now you see here! See that kid over there! I've got Nine kids and they aaall white. And alla' sudden, this one comes out black! And you the only black man in a 300 mile radius, mind explaining that one to me?"

The zoologist r...

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A man on an airplane notices this very attractive blonde sitting next to him... (Long)

As the flight begins she removes a book from her bag and starts to read. The man immediately notices the title; "Confessions of a Nymphomaniac" and he's instantly transfixed.

After a few moments, she pauses her reading to take a drink and the man seizes his opportunity... "so" he says, "I ju...

There was a substitute teacher that was replacing his friend in a rural school.

So the teacher came in and introduced himself. He asked the pupils to introduce themselves and tell the class what is their hobby.



He pointed a kid and asked him the question. He stood up and responded "Hi, my name is Andrew and I love to fish at the lake while watching sunset." The t...

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town.

The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub, The George and Dragon, which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze.

Entering the bar room, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather padded booths...

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An elderly British couple are vacationing in Africa.

An elderly British couple have just arrived in Africa for a safari vacation and are being shuttled by taxi to their hotel. They drive by a rural village, and a man is outside, completely naked, with a ruler up against his penis.

"Blimey!" exclaims the wife, "what on earth is that bloke doing!...

A man is on a journey through the rural countryside

On the first night of his journey, he stops at a farm and asks if he can spend the night. The farmer agrees, but tells the man he must sleep in the barn with his 18 sheep. The man does so and in the morning, the farmer asks the traveller how he feels. "I feel like wool. Wouldn't you feel like wo...

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An undercover cop called at my farm in rural texas yesterday evening...

An undercover cop called at my farm in rural texas yesterday evening...

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.




“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.




The cop exploded, saying “Do you know ...

One day, a doctor goes on a boat tour in rural Asia.

After a while, the doctor asks the tour leader, "Can you do maths?" the tour leader says, "No I can't, actually." the doctor replies, "Well, your life expectancy is reduced by a quarter.

Later the doctor asks again, "Do you understand science?" the tour leader again says no. The doctor says,...

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A Jew, a Muslim, and a lawyer are driving on a rural road.

The car breaks down, leaving them stranded with no signal, so they leave the car and find a farmhouse.
They say to the man who answers the door, "Our car won't work and we need shelter for the night. Can you provide it?"
The farmer replies, "Of course. But there's only enough room in the house...

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.

"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

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Two nuns are driving down a dark, winding road in rural Romania. . .

when they turn a corner to see a vampire hovering over what appears to be a body in the middle of the road. It looks up and hisses as the headlights illuminate blood-covered fangs.

Sister Mary looks at Sister Elizabeth and says, "What should I do?"

Sister Elizabeth answers, "Show him y...

A Blonde is driving through rural farm country and sees another blond rowing a boat in the middle of a cornfield...

She pulls to the side of the road and yells "Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?"

The blonde in the boat stops rowing and stands up. "What does it look like I'm doing, I'm going to work!"

Puzzled the blonde in the car gets out and walks to the side of the road and yells, "You k...

A war veteran is lost in the rural deserts of Afghanistan.

A war veteran is lost in the rural deserts of Afghanistan, eager for just a single drink of water. As he's roaming through the country's rugged terrain, he spots in the distance what appears to be a vendor running a small stand. Figuring that there is no one else in the vicinity, he decides to go to...

Priest calls a town meeting about rumors of ghosts... (long)

In a small rural town rumors start to spread that people are seeing ghosts, so the new and inexperienced priest hears about these rumors and decides to call a town meeting to get to the bottom of these rumors. After everyone arrives the priest then starts the meeting with a question: "Who here has s...

What do you call a rural drug dealer?

A Farmacist

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

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A man is passing through rural Georgia

As he is driving, he spots a sign along the road that says “Peanut butter and jelly flavored peaches, next right”.

Intrigued, the man takes the next right to the farm. He sees a farm standing next to a fruit stand.

Man: “Can I sample one of your PBNJ peaches? Sorry, I’m just a bit skep...

A guy's car breaks down on a rural road...

He was looking around under the hood when a cow walked up and said, "check the carburetor".
The guy walked over to a farmer who was working nearby, and told him about the cow.
"Well, I wouldn't get too excited...", said the farmer, "that cow don't know anything about cars."

Some people think it’s a good idea to keep the Native people in these rural ghettos...

...but I have my reservations.

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I went to visit my 80 year old grandfather who lives in a rural area [long]

He made me breakfast and as I was eating I noticed the plates had a film-like residue on them.

"Grandpa are these plates clean?", I asked him.

He responded, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Now hurry up and eat your food."

Later that day he made hamburgers and as w...

A joke about the New Zealand accent.

An Australian tourist visits New Zealand. He decides to go a small town to take in the lush, rural landscape.

He sees a New Zealand farmer walking down the street, carrying a sheep under his arm. Curious the Australian asks, "Are you going to shear that sheep?"

The Kiwi farmer responds...

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In the 1930s, on an RAF post way out in rural Africa, the station commander had a pet lion.

Lennie (as he was called) was elderly, arthritic, mostly blind, and had hardly a tooth left in his head, and everyone on the station knew him well.

One day, one of the Flight Lieutenants was going out for a spin and as he taxied his Gamecock onto the airstrip, he saw with annoyance that Lenni...

Tried translating a joke from Latvian.

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.

"Well, I saw a giraffe."

"What's a giraffe?"

"Well, you know horses?"

"Yeah."

"It's like ...

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

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A tourist walks into a isolated rural bar...

... Has one look around and says "This place must be the ass hole of the world!"

To which the bartender replies "Just passing through, are we?"

An Australian is visiting Britain...

He's from a small rural village and is completely unfamiliar with traffic rules and street lights and just crosses streets whenever. After almost getting hit by cars several times and lots of honking a police officer sees him and shouts: "Oi! You there, did you come here to die?" The Aussie replies:...

What do you call a sheep tied to a pole in rural Ireland?

A sperm bank

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A guy moves to rural Idaho...

The day he finally gets all moved in, he decides to go down the road to meet his neighbor. The man knocks on the door and when the neighbor opens it, the man says, "Hey, I just moved in down the way and I thought I'd come and meet my nearest neighbor".

"Well great!" says the neighbor, "You c...

The difference between rural, suburban, and urban.

- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you, it's rural.
- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops, it's suburban.
- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you, it's urban.

Credit to someone on /u/jasonrei...

In a far away place... In a small rural town...

There was a boy named john. John didn’t have many friends growing up as he preferred to keep to himself. Johns family were farmers through and through, his favourite thing to do was to drive their tractor around and around the farm, john always adored tractors, the big back wheels and the small fron...

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Let's see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were...

Big city teacher gets a job in rural Alabama. One room school, all grades...

A teacher is having trouble getting one of her troublesome students to learn basic math so she tries a new tack.

She asks the kid, "If there are 3 crows on a telephone line and a farmer comes out and shoots one, how many are left?"

Troublesome kid says "none".

She replies "3 ...

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A man runs out of gas while driving through rural Iowa...

His cell phone dead, he walks along the highway until he finds a farmhouse. He knocks on the door, and an old farmer offers to fuel up his car after they finish dinner, which he kindly invites him to.

While enjoying his meatloaf and company of the farmer and his wife, the man looks out the wi...

I'm taking the Manic Street Preachers around rural England.

If they tolerate Diss, then the Chilterns will be next.

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A rural farmer visits his cousin, a librarian at Harvard.

The campus being as big as it is, he finds a random student and asks, "Excuse me ma'am, where's the library at?"

The student is visibly offended and says, "Sir, this is Harvard, we don't end sentences with prepositions!"

The farmer thinks for a bit and replies, "Oh, right. Where's th...

A farmer in rural Iowa knocks on his neighbor's door....

A boy of about 9 answered the door, and the farmer asked, "Are your parents home?"

"No," said the young man, "Mom and Dad went to town."

"Well, what about your brother Billy? Is he home?"

"No, Billy went with Mom and Dad into town."

The farmer scowled and said, "I need t...

Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters...

...he's going to mullet over.

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The bish and the donkey.

A rural pastor had trouble getting hold of enough money for church roof repairs. So the parish comes up with the idea to pool their money and buy a race horse. The collection is done, and when the pastor goes shopping, he only has enough for a donkey. Nonetheless he buys the donkey and enters it int...

A teacher is going over vocabulary in a single classroom school in rural Ireland.

A teacher is going over vocabulary words in a rural town in Ireland.
She asks the class if they have any big words to share, and little Mary-Anne raises her hand.

"Yes Mary-Anne, what's you vocabulary word?" Asks the teacher.

"Contagious" says little Mary-Anne.

"Thank you, ...

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Two men are driving along a rural road when the driver spots a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence...

The driver pulls the car over and walks over to the sheep. The passenger watching this assumes he got out to help. The driver, not having intercourse for the longest time, drops his pants and starts sodomizing the sheep.

The passenger is shocked and yells out the window, "What the hell are y...

In a certain country, there are specialized manufacturing villages

There are shoes village, candy village, light bulb village... Deeper in the mountains there are villages that even produce things like air conditioners or TVs.
But the most rural one is the remote village.

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A traveling salesman's car breaks down in a rural town in the middle of the night...

After walking several miles he happens across a farmhouse. He knocks on the door and explains his predicament to the farmer.
"Well" says the farmer "there's no mechanic that will be able to tend to your car until morning but I can't have you sleeping on the road side. You can shack-up in the bar...

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Two nuns are driving through a rural English countryside, when a vampire jumps onto their hood.

Two nuns are driving through a rural English countryside, when a vampire jumps onto their hood and starts trying to climb onto the roof. The nun driving the car says to the other nun "Lean out the window, and show him your cross!", so the nun rolls the window down, leans out the window and screams "...

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A tourist backpacking through rural Ireland enters a bar, and inside there's only a bar tender and an old man nursing a beer. They sit in silence until the old man looks over to the tourist and says, "You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands."

The old man continues, "I found the finest wood in the county, gave it more love than my own child, but do they call me O'Connor the bar-builder? No!"


He points out the window, "You see that stone wall out there? I built that stone wall with my bare hands; found every stone, placed them j...

A rural farmer saves enough money to send his son to college

He moves out of town and after his first year he returns for summer break.

His father was elated to see him and eager to hear about what he had learned:

Father: So tell me all 'bout whatcha been lernin'?

Son: Aw Paw, you don't want to hear about that. Besides, it's a bit complic...

A salesman was driving the back roads one day, when he saw the strangest thing...

While driving dusty back roads looking for his next sale, this Salesman noticed a chicken was running along side the road. Now, the guy didn't think much of that, you tend to see chickens in rural communities... but this one was strange. The chicken was keeping up with the car, even though the guy w...

Two rednecks run into each other on a rural country road...

One of them is carrying a big bag with the label "chickens".

The other notices the bag and says "if I guess how many chickens there is in the bag can I have one of them?"

The one holding the bag says "hell if you guess how many chickens im holding in this bag ill give you both of them...

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Rural Party

A man moves to Lincolnshire, and is lonely until he gets a visit from a local farmer. The farmer invites him to a party, but warns him:

"There will probably be a lot of heavy drinking."

The man agrees that a bit of booze is a good way to get to know people. The farmer then says:
...

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A young state trooper pulls over an old lady on a rural road

A young state trooper pulls over an old lady for speeding on a rural stretch of highway. After he approaches the car he asks her:
"License and registration please ma'am."

She responds with: "That's fine officer, but I have to tell you, I do keep a gun in my glove box with my information."<...

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A reporter is doing an article on the russian rural life-style...

...and she ends up in a small village.

The first person she interviews is an old man.

Reporter: Can you tell me anything interesting about your village?

Old man: Well there was this one time when a dog from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found it and took...

What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior?

"Hmm, something's Amish here."

What did the depressed rural estate agent do?

Sell farm

So I was walking through rural Georgia when...

...I passed a little lady with white hair and deep wrinkles sitting on her front porch who waved to me. I decided to amble up, say hello, and see if I could determine the secret to her longevity.

She told me her name was Ida and that she'd lived in this house her whole life, just as her par...

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A business man is travelling home for the weekend late at night when his car breaks down in a rural area.

He is in the middle of nowhere but spots a small farmhouse in the distance and walks there. He knocks on the door and is greeted by the farmer and explains the situation. The farmer let's him use the phone but the line is down and the farmer suggests he stays the night at the farm with him and his w...

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A Stockbroker moves to Scotland

A Wall Street Stockbroker decided one day he’d had enough of stress and moved to rural Scotland. His cottage was miles away from the next one and he found the tranquility relaxing.

After a few days he answered a knock at the door, before him stood a Scotsman in a kilt; 6’9 tall, ginger hair ...

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Blueberry Hill

So this is a joke I heard as a kid really too young to even get it. Sorry if it's a repost, I don't read anything but what comes up in my feed.

A teacher is taking roll in an old rural schoolhouse and realizes several of the students are missing. She isn't too worried as the rural nature of t...

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A man was wandering, alone in a forest in rural China

He was getting weary from the long hours of constant walking, and was feeling very thirsty. He stopped to have a look around, and spotted a little shack in the forest. As he approached, an old man with a great long beard came out towards him, and bowed. "I see you are tired from walking, and you loo...

Christmas in rural America

I live in rural America. On Christmas morning occasionally I will hear gun shots in the distance. This means one of two things:
1) Someone got a new gun for Christmas
2) Someone didn't

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A man passing through a rural village walks into the local tavern...

A man passing through a rural village walks into the local tavern. He sits down and is soon greeted by the bartender. The bartender pours him a beer as he sees the man admiring the craftsmanship of the bar.

"You see this bar?" asks the bartender. "I crafted this with my own two hands. I cut t...

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John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as col...

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight.

Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says "watch this"......
"Pilot to control tower......hey there Hillbilly, guess who!!"
Control tower switches off the airport lights.....
"Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*"

Day trip

Police officer on patrol saw a man driving in a rural area with a goat in the front seat. He pulled the guy over and asked what he was doing driving around with a goat in the front seat? "I saw him wandering around so I stopped to pick him up so he wouldn't get hit by a car. Now I'm driving aroun...

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A Business Man is driving down the a rural town road

When he sees a sign that says "Talking dog for Sale"

He pulls over at the address listed and sees an old farmer sitting on the porch. The man walks over to the farmer and asks him if he really has a talking dog for sale. The farmer nods and tells him the dog's out back.

The man walks b...

Amazing scenes in rural US as Trump supporters are seen

high-sixing each other.

A doctor passing trough a rural town finds the whole town grieving the Major's daughter's death.

I'll try be brief.
The lady was narcoleptic. So the doc, knowing it, offers to bring her back to life and they can pay him on his way back. He asks to be left alone with the lady and proceeds to make love to her, knowing that later on she'd wake up.

The town is amazed that he revived her...

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine.

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine. Each year, he invited a different friend to spend a week or two with him.

One year, he decided to invite a friend from the Czech Republic. The two friends had an amazing time together, rising early and going h...

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

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A stranger walks into a pub in rural Ireland...

which is in a really small town where everyone knows each other. He sits down at the counter and the publican goes over to receive his order. The guy orders three whiskeys, all in separate glasses.


Thinking this is odd, but not wanting to turn the guy down for want of business, the publi...

A Texan Is Walking Around Rural Ireland With A Very Aggressive & Dangerous Looking Pit Bull On A Leash.

He passes a ramshackle farm with an old man standing outside of it leaning on the gatepost & smoking a pipe who is looking very curiously at the pit bull.

Farmer:- "Bejaysus, what kind of dog is that??....NEVER seen one like it before!!"

Texan:- "Well sir, this here is what you cal...

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Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

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The Sisters of Mercy Brothel

2 guys were taking a trip on a scenic byway in Rural America. Driving along, they see a billboard that shows a nun, and says 'Sisters of Mercy Brothel, 50 miles ahead'.

Stunned, they looked at each other. 'Did that say what I think it said?' one asked the other.

'I think so,' the other...

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The sun is beating down and the.....

It's a slow day in a rural New Zealand Town. The sun is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit:

On this particular day a rich tourist is driving through town, stops at the local motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk say...

rural upbringin'

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Wisconsin?







Prom night.

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Married couple couldn’t sleep

There was once this married couple that lived next to a farm.

They’ve always wanted to live in a rural area because it would allow them to escape the madness of a big boomin’ city.

However, one night when they were sleeping, a rooster starting going crazy and making all of this noise...

An american farmer visits Germany

In a rural area he comes across a small village bar. He goes in and orders himself a drink, when he notices the man next to him also looks like a farmer.



"Are you a farmer?" he asks the man.



"Ja, I am a farmer" the man replies.



"How big is your farm?" the...

Homecoming

There is terrible accident in ISS, leaving only one American astronaut alive. All the communications are dead, but he has lots of food, water and oxygen to survive. Finally after two years he is able manufacture escape pod and lands in rural Texas.


He makes his way to closest town and ent...

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Two thieves see a horse...

Two thieves see a horse tied to a hitch outside of a tavern in a small rural town. They decide they want want to steal the horse, but they're pretty sure they'll get caught trying to make their escape from the town in the middle of nowhere.

The one thief says to the other: "I have an idea. ...

Drunk driver

This isn't so much a joke as it is a true story that happened to me. My buddy always got a kick out of it and it makes me laugh. Delete if not allowed.


My friends wife left him and I went to his house to drink beer and play music. We had a great time and somewhere around 3am I st...

Retired Rattlesnake Roadside-Romeo

Retired Rattlesnake Roadside-Romeo was on the side of a dirt road in rural Arizona. On the other side of the road was a chicken.
So, he hollers, "Hey there! Babe! I don't usually talk with random chicks, but you ought to know that I am like a hundred years old. Do you want to know the secret to...

A man with chronic vision problems...

A man with chronic vision problems appeared to have his visual health declining quickly. He'd go to visit doctor after doctor, who had been prescribing him stronger and stronger prescription glasses. However, the degeneration of his vision was making him approach blindness, and he finally cracked an...

A man walks up to the pearly white gates of heaven

God looks down on him and speaks.

“We don’t know of anything particularily good or bad you have done in your lifetime, so it is up to you to tell us a story that will persuade us in a certain direction whether it be heaven or hell.”

The man looks up shakingly and responds with a story...

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NSFW 2 Nuns

2 Nuns have been tucked away in a convent for the last 2 years when the Mother Superior approaches them and informs them that due to their dedication and devotion over the last 2 years she will take them on a trip to the nearest village.

The 2 sisters smile with glee and anticipation to the ...

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A sucessful business man retires

A successful business man in NYC finally decided to retire. After years of making it big in the stock market, years of wild parties, and years of living the city life, he packs up and moves to rural Montana. He's sick of the busy city, so he picks a very remote house in a very secluded rural area. H...

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One Sunday morning in the middle of a blizzard

One Sunday morning in February, the young new pastor slowly made his way to the rural church in the middle of a blizzard, arriving with just five minutes to spare. He walked in, turned on the lights and looked around. No one else was there.

As he was about to turn everything off and go back...

My preacher started a sermon with this joke the other week that was actually pretty funny and i thought i would share it with you guys

Alright so in this small rural town there lived two brothers. All of their lives they went around doing horrible things to people that ranged from Vandalism, Stealing, Battery, etc. One day one of the brothers dies and the other brother goes to the town preacher to arrange his funeral and asks him,<...

The traveling ventriloquist.

So this ventriloquist was driving through the midwest when his car broke down. He walked a ways and found a farmer who would let him use his phone. Well, the farmer seemed to be a real stereotypical rural type, so the ventriloquist thought it would be possible to have some fun with him. The farmer b...

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I entered ten puns into a pun contest

I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.

A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!...

The pet store

This man who lives in a rural area and so he drives to this very far pet store and asks to buy a can of dog food, the employee says “sorry but you must have a dog to order the dog food, we have had homeless people come to our store to eat the dog food. So the man says “you want me to go drive back t...

One day, a bus driver woke up late and didnt have time for breakfast.

Nor did he have time to pack lunch.

And, that was the day he was to drive a bus full of elderly to a rural town. Many miles from any form of takeaway food places.

As it grew later in the day he grew hungrier and hungrier. Lunch time came and went and he was starving.

A little...

In a suburb of Boston, there was a Catholic church across the street from a Jewish synagogue.

Over the years, a friendly rivalry had grown between the two congregations. One weekend, the members of the synagogue gave their long-time rabbi a brand new Cadillac. By sheer coincidence, the parishioners gave their pastor a new Cadillac on the same day.

Everyone laughed at the coincidence...

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A reporter goes to Appalachia

to write a piece on the hardship of rural life. He goes to the bar and asks a guy to tell him some stories about the hard life he's lived.

The guy says, "One time a buddy's wife went missing in the woods so we had to form a search party for her. By the time we found her it was dark and we ha...

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Once upon a time...

A man was driving through a rural countryside when his car got a flat. The only building within miles was a monestary. He walked up the steps, knocked on the huge wooden doors, and explained his situation to the monks. The monks were more than helpful. They sent a message to the nearest road station...

Talking Dog

A man driving up a rural road sees a large sign, “Free Talking Dog” Intrigued he pulls into a small farm and sees a man sitting on his porch next to a beautiful Golden Retriever. He asks the farmer, “what’s up with the talking dog sign?”
The dog interrupts and says “I will answer that. Origin...

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Jim walks into a bar with his arm in a sling.

He sits next to his friend Bill and orders two shots of whiskey.

Bill asks him, "How'd you break your arm, Jim?"

Jim downs a shot of whiskey and says, "Well, you see, about two years ago--"

Bill interrupts him, "Woah woah, two YEARS! You didn't break your arm two YEARS ago!"
...

Young Bill

Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch.


One evening, as they sat on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prized stallion humping one of his mares.


He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured th...

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Once upon a time, there was a wasp.

Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo...

Taxidermist

A taxidermist was traveling for a job in a rural area, and stopped off for a meal at a local bar and grill. After entering all eyes were on him, and he felt quite uncomfortable so he hurried to the bar to place an order to go, when he turned around he was surrounded with hillbillies glaring. The lea...

Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, "Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic?" The other cow turns and says, "Why would I be? I'm a chic...

Digging a hole

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along b...

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