How was the Canadian able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico?

With the help of a hose eh.

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

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Two Americans named George and Ted were vacationing in London one day. While Ted was using the bathroom at a restaurant, George saw two familiar-looking men enter the restaurant.

"Where have I seen you before?" asked George.

"You may have read our stories," replied one of the two men. "I'm Dr. John Watson, and this is my roommate, Sherlock Holmes, who is absolutely perfect at logic."

"Logic?" asked George. "What's that?"

"Tell me something about yourself...

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An elderly British couple are vacationing in Africa.

An elderly British couple have just arrived in Africa for a safari vacation and are being shuttled by taxi to their hotel. They drive by a rural village, and a man is outside, completely naked, with a ruler up against his penis.

"Blimey!" exclaims the wife, "what on earth is that bloke doing!...

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona.

He notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Ar...

I got knocked out while vacationing in Russia

All I remember was seeing Tsars.

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

vacationing in the caribbean

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.

The attorney said, “I’m here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

"That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. “I’m here because my house...

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

I was bitten by a Great White while vacationing in Florida.

I think he used the term "Superior Aryan," but either way, that was one coked-out skinhead.

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I was vacationing with some friends, and they got mad at me because I was masturbating in the shower

They said I ruined the entire Auschwitz tour

How does the devil tempt vacationing mathematicians?

He says "Wanna work on your tan? Cos all you have to do is sin!"

My sister got captured by terrorists while vacationing in Iraq

But I guess jihad it coming

Three girls are vacationing in Romania when they come across a gypsy

The gypsy says, "I'll bet you 20 leu each that I can guess which country you're visiting from just by looking at you." The girls think there's no way this hack gypsy can tell where they're from just by looking, so they take the bet. The gypsy scans them for a few seconds and says, "you're all Americ...

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A woman is vacationing in Germany

While having a nice time seeing the sights, she spots a man with his pants down, pissing on the side of the road.

Disgusted, she yells, “That’s so gross!”

The man smiles and yells back, “Danke!!”

A minister is vacationing through the Holy Land

And is taking a historical trip to all of the sights associated with Jesus. Finally, he reaches the Sea of Galilee, where he is planning on taking a ferry boat across the water. Once he gets up to the ticket counter, however, he is shocked to learn the outrageous price of a ticket, and has to unfort...

What does the note on a vacationing nuclear physicist's office door say?

Gone fission.

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A man vacationing in Jamaica goes to the bathroom, and notices a local at an adjacent urinal ... [nsfw]

Catching a glimpse as he walks up, he sees the name "Wendy" tattooed on the man's penis. A bit shocked he remarked, "Hey, Wendy is my girlfriend's name too! But, I don't think I'd love her enough to tattoo her name on my penis. Didn't it hurt?"

"Nah, man," the Jamaican smirked.

A bit t...

A mathematician is going through security check at an airport

When it’s his turn one officer suddenly starts jumping around exited and yells: “There is a bomb in this man luggage!” The mathematician is immediately arrested, searched and confined in a separate room. A while later authorities come in and ask him what the hell he was thinking, to which the mathem...

PSA for vacationing families: Don't let your kids play PokemonGo at Disney.

They'll get eaten by wild Feraligatrs.

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