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Unbelievably Jokes

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This guy's balls are unbelievably attractive

It's pretty nuts

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What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed.

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there are not enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the n...

Your mother is so unbelievably poor

That when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers

Social Distancing is so unbelievably stupid

If corona came from China, surely it can go another 6ft.

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Wife goes to the doctor complaining that her husband farts unbelievably in his sleep. It smells so bad that it has become unbearable sleeping in the same room.

She tells the doctor that her husband won't come to see a doctor because he doesn't believe he has a farting problem.

Doctor suggests some pills but the wife refuses saying that the husband won't take them. The doctor, confused as why then she is there, tells her jokingly, "why don't you the...

She tells me I'm unbelievably self-critical.

I really hate that part of myself.

My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud...

... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

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NSFW In honor of my Father, his favorite joke of all time. No one could tell it like he did.

Christmas was coming and Little Johnny’s Mom and Dad took him to the mall to a see Santa Claus.

Johnny walked up and sat on Santa’s lap and said “Santa, for Christmas I want a god damn new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my god damn bed. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I...

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There's this old couple, and every morning as he wakes up, the man lets out an unbelievably loud fart in bed.

The wife has been putting up with this for years, and is very annoyed by it. She keeps telling him, "One day, you're going to fart your guts out." The man laughs it off and continues to wake his wife up with a fart every morning. Then, Thanksgiving rolls around. The wife gets up early to prepare the...

I used to date a girl whose could text unbelievably fast. Her fingers moved like lightning! But then she ran away and stole my old Jaguar

I wish you could have seen my X Type

I took my daughter to the park yesterday. Everything was going fine until we got to one particular ride. First she happy, then she was sad, then she was unbelievably angry...

Those were some crazy mood swings.

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Saw this unbelievably rough woman with two kids, said to her 'what lovely twins you have' NSFW

She said 'what the fuck are you on about, he's 12, she's 4'.

'I'm sorry, just couldnt believe anyone would have fucked you twice'

Turtle Prize

A hard drinker walks into local bar and sees three darts laying across the bartop. "Hey, bartender!" The drunk slurs. "Whas with th- these darts?" "Oh", the bartender says. "It's a new promotion we're running. Whoever gets three bullseye's in a row wins a prize."

The drunk stands up, swaying...

Alzheimer’s

Carl, a man with Alzheimer’s, goes out to a nice restaurant with his wife. The next day his friend Adam comes to visit him.

Carl: We went to an amazing restaurant last night, everything was perfect. The food, the atmosphere, the service, it was all unbelievably good!

Adam: Really? What...

A polish pilot is going in for a landing when he realizes the runway is not long enough. After putting on the emergency breaks he screeches to a halt, missing the airport with the nose of the plane by mere feet.

The enraged pilot told the reporters later on "This is an obvious design flaw in American airports, why the hell would they make the landing strips so short? Or so unbelievably wide!?"

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There was a group of animals on an island with no food.

There was an island filled with food across from the island the animals were, so they gathered around and decided to send the turtle to get food because he was the only animal that could swim.

30 minutes passes by and the lion starts talking trash about the turtle, saying how slow he was and ...

There is a box in the office closet with a ton of envelopes. It's blocking the door from opening all the way. I asked the manager to get it out of the way and he scoffed "yeah right - you try it"....

I couldn't budge it. For such a small box it was unbelievably heavy.

Then it dawned on me - it was stationary.

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(NSFW) Kevin had a 16 inch Dick.

Is dick was so big, he couldn't get any gals.

He went to a doctor, who was looking at the miracle unbelievably.

Doctor: "I..I.." the doctor stuttered, " Medical science cannot cure this."

"But..." the doctor says, "there is a wizard in the deep Lock Nock Lake. Go to him and he'l...

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A very flashy, uber-materialistic, and self-absorbed braggart buys a Ferrari...

He’s driving around town showing off his new expensive ride. He waves at the pretty women with his right hand to show off his big flashy diamond rings.

He pulls over to park and is just relishing every glance he gets. He even calls out to a few people and says, “It’s a Ferrari! You like it?...

Houdini has just finished a magic show and walks backstage, only to be grabbed roughly, knocked out, and tied up.

When he wakes up, he's in an abandoned warehouse, and a man in a ski mask is standing over him, a sheep by his side. The sheep is using its teeth to tie him up with a very strong rope, which confuses him. Houdini smiles, remembering that he can get out of any knot known to man. He tries to untie the...

A man walks into a bar.

Sitting down next to a second man, he orders an eye-watering combination of milk curdled with lemon juice mixed with their cheapest whiskey and run.

The second man is taken aback and says that's what he is drinking too!

"You must be a serial killer to like that kind of drink" the first...

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My Girlfriend invited me over last night.

I got to her house right as I got home. I walked in the door and the only person home was her sister.

I sit down next to her unbelievably sexy sister and we talk for a bjt. A while later she goes "you wanna have sex while my sister isn't home?"

I instantly got up and turned around back...

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Old guy at a bar

An older gentleman is sitting in a bar drinking and checking out the younger women at the establishment. As he drinks his beer, he notices a younger guy enter the bar, take a seat, and order a drink. Shortly thereafter, he walks over to a young lass, and whispers in her ear, She smiles and they leav...

A priest, a thief, and an engineer were all waiting in line to be executed by guillotine during the French revolution.

The priest was to be the first to meet his fate. As he stepped onto the platform the executioner asked him "Father, would you like to meet your maker face up or face down?"

After thinking about it for a moment, the priest answered "My son, if today is to be my last day, then I wish to go face...

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