I bought a new toilet for my house, but the seat for it is plastic and flimsy.

If I get too fat, I'll have to rethink the seat-uation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink to myself When next thing the door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.

5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.

Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.

After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had...

A man is on trial for murdering his wife, although a body has not been found. [long]

His lawyer says there is not enough evidence. "The ex-wife is not even dead, I am going to prove it to you, she is going to walk through the door in about one minute."

All eyes are focused on the door. A minute passes. Another minute passes. And another.

The prosecution says: "she didn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven’s been getting pretty packed lately...

Heaven’s been getting pretty packed lately, so God came up with a solution to this. Everyone who died and goes to heaven must first get an interview with an angel, who would decide if their death was noble or not. If it was, they would be let inside, otherwise they would be sent to purgatory.
...

An old Tahitian legend...

As the legend goes, when the Tahitians first found their island, after they had settled in, they decided to build a grand central hall for their new settlement. Unlike contemporary Europeans, though, they built their dwellings not out of timber or stone but out of the materials they had at hand: ree...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier ran up to his neighbour, Joe, in a nun's habit

In the year 2019, a soldier ran up to a nun. Quite clearly, he sees that this is his neighbour, Joe, in a nun's habit. Nonetheless, in sheer desperation, he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."

Joe agreed. A moment later two Military Police officer ran up and aske...

A woman and her three daughters had been seeing a psychiatrist...

They've reached their final session, in which the doctor declares he has deduced that the woman has three obsessions.
"You named your first daughter, Candy," he says, "which tells me that you have an obsession with food. Your second daughter is named, Penny, which tells me you have an obsession ...

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