Fabulous Jokes - 41 Hilarious Fabulous Jokes

Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...

* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.

A guy walks into a fabulously hip gastro pub

A guy walks into a fabulously hip gastro pub that only specializes in craft-made IPAs and locally brewed beers. He carries in his own German-made beer mug and pops it up on the bar. "Pour me a Bud Light!" he says. " The waitress recoils and looks to the bartender for guidance. "Fill His Stein," the ...

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Maybe repost, but it is a fabulous joke so I'll risk it. (Long, and works better when spoken)

A man is waking up in the morning, when he reads in the newspaper that the circus is coming to town. So he decides to go and see. He gets into his seat and the show starts. He watches the lions, the elephants, the tight rope walkers, and at the end there's a clown insulting people in the audience. T...

I wanted to make a joke about how I got my fabulous quarantine physique

But it didn’t work out.

I was showing an Aussie mate around the back blocks of New Zealand’s fabulous South Island.

We came across a ewe with its head caught in a fence. Not one to waste an opportunity, I got in behind and did the business (as you do). The I turned to the Aussie and said, “OK, mate, it’s your turn.”

So he got down and stuck his head in the fence!

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How can you call someone and sound fabulous?

Use a homophone.

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy.

Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.

Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within...

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The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense

What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?

"My preference is Narnia business."

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme par...

Two guys walk into a bar

A philosopher and a physician walk into a fabulous tiki beach bar in Florida and both order drinks. After a while the philosopher addresses the physician, "Have you read Marx?" The physician replies, "Yes, I blame these wicker bar stools."

"Honey, do I look fat ?"

Asked the wife as she stood in front of the mirror.

"No, not at all..", the husband replied, "You look fabulous !!"

Wife, blushing, "Really ! Will you carry me to the fridge ? I want to eat some ice cream.. "

Husband, now visibly scared; "Don't you worry babe, just relax here ! ...

A man finds a lamp on a beach. He rubs it, and out pops a genie.

“I will give you three wishes,” the genie says. “But be warned: whatever you wish for, your ex will get twice that.”

“I wish for a fabulously large mansion,” the man says.

“Are you sure?” asks the genie. “Your ex will get a mansion twice as large, twice as opulent.”

“I’m sure.” ...

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The lore of a genie atop a cliff prompts three friends to climb up.

As they climb, they discuss their wishes.

wants to become a famous musician and travel the world.

Harry wants fabulous wealth and a long healthy life.

Tom wants to be a bird and fly to Mexico.

As he reaches the top, Tom sees the magic lamp first and scrambles to pic...

After being married for 30 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet wife ...... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks .... "What the hell does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous, Gorgeous and Hot".

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh,...

Two elderly couples were having dinner together

An elderly couple was having dinner at another couple's house. After their meal, the wives went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gents were talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant that I'd highly recommend."

The other man says, "What's the name of t...

New Young Lawyer

A young lawyer passes the Bar Exam & decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked fabulous, he felt that in this suit he will come across as very pro...

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A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership.

She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her. Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed, and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But as she tur...

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won't be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.
They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer short...

Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier...

if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!

They're having a huge sale at the mobile home dealership.

The prices are pre-fabulous

So an optimist was best friends with a pessimist.

He was always trying to find things that could make his pessimist friend say something positive about but he never could.

One day, the optimist decided to buy a fabulous pet that his pessimist friend couldn’t find anything wrong with. So he went to a specialty pet store and explained his mis...

A man goes to a Chinese restaurant

After the meal he open his fortune cookie. Inside it reads:

"Your charm and wit make admirers of many."

Although flattered, the man feels disappointed because he was expecting his fortune told. He pulls the waiter aside and asks for another fortune cookie. Inside it reads:

"Your...

Holiday

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. ~~~He c...

A golfer goes to a priest

I haven’t been able to sleep father
I’m so scared of dying...

Don’t worry my son
Heaven is fabulous

Nothing but golf courses as far as the eye can see

You’ll love it!

In fact you tee off at 8 am

A Yorkshire man's beloved wife passed away.

He went to the headstone maker to sort out the stone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read 'She was thine'. The stonemason told him to return a week later.
A week later the man returns to inspect the stone. The proud stonemason wheeled it out in a trolley. It ...

Heard this joke from a friend

A man wants to go on a date with his girlfriend. He goes to buy a suit, but the line was super long and took him 3 hours, but it was worth it. Next he went to buy himself a ring and guess what? The line took him 3 hours, but it was worth it.

When the day of the date came they had a fabulous ...

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The Jew says...

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.

Catholic: “I have a large fortune… I am going to buy Citibank!”

Protestant: “I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!”

Muslim: “I am a fabulously rich prince… I intend to purchase Microso...

A man is visited by the three ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.

Man: Whaaaaaaat are you three doing here?!?! I've enjoyed Christmas all my life, I've donated to Orphanages and Children's Hospitals every year, I open my mansion every Christmas to my friends, family, and their kids of course, to come together for one jolly ole' party, and hell I just took in this ...

The Dead Businessman!!

Police was investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 9th-story office.

Nancy, his voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for...

A posh New Yorker...

A posh New Yorker decides to take her two young children on a European vacation. Upon landing in Berlin the trio check into the Ritz Carlton. Even though the Ritz has a fabulous, five star restaurant, the mother thinks they should indulge in the local gastronomy, and they lace their shoes back on an...

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A blonde was sitting at the first class seat on a plane...

The air stewardress tried to pursuade her to return back to economy, which she had bought. The blonde replied: "im blonde, im fabulous and im going to london."

After much persuasion, the blonde still refused to move away. The air stewardress had no choice but to call upon the captain to tell ...

Job application...

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....

NAME - Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here i...

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[blond] A blond walks into an electronic's shop.

She points to the special offer (50% off!) and says "I want to buy that TV."

The cashier replies "I'm sorry, but we don't serve blonds here."

So, the blond goes home. The next day, she dyes her hair a fabulous brunette, and goes back into the same store, points at the same special, and...

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A man walks into a bar with the head a size of an orange

The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. But the man has head the size of an orange.

The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the ...

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A vicar and his wife are walking

A posh old vicar and his wife are walking through the village one Sunday afternoon when they see some graffiti with the letters F, U, C, K.
"oh Terence what does that mean? " asks the vicars wife.
Embarrassed and not wanting to talk about such things with his wife, the vicar tells her that i...

Justin Trudeau walks into a Royal Bank to cash a cheque.

As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Trudeau: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Justin Trudeau, t...

The Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is taken to the local mortuary. He is wearing an very expensive and high quality tailored blue suit.

The mortician is a blonde female and she asks the wife of the deceased man wife how she would like the body to be dressed.

The motician says that the man does look v...

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Woman was at the hairdresser

Hairdresser was making small talk, “what’s new?” She says.

The woman replies, “ I am about to go on vacation. I’ve been saving for years and next week I leave .”

“Flying or driving?” Asks the hairdresser.

“I’m flying Jet Blue”.

“Jet Blue? They’re awful. The seats are t...

A woman goes out with her husband to a shopping mall.

She sees one store and goes "hon, that dress looks fabulous, would you buy it for me?"

The man replies. "Are you crazy? The dress looks great on the mannequin, but would look awful on you because you're fat, like a washing machine."

They keep going and the wife says "Look at that blous...

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We all know someone like this

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go to Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
So, how...

Part of the team

A man dies and finds himself on the way to heaven. As he reaches the Pearly Gates, he is stopped, and told that the life he has led has left him right on the bubble between Heaven and Hell.

He is then told that he will be given a choice of where to go but only after spending a day in Heaven a...

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