The 61+ Best Incredibly Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was incredibly mad when she found out I have been visiting prostitutes for sex

I said “Well you can hardly blame me, it’s not like I was getting any from you!”

She yelled, “But I didn’t know you were willing to pay for it!”

Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from thre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After running some tests this morning, the doctor told me I had incredibly healthy sperm.

Probably because I only ever masturbate into sports socks.

I met a girl at a club the other night who said she’d show me a good time and incredibly, when we got outside...

She ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.

What do you call an incredibly insensitive shaman who’s also weak and suffers from chronic bad breath?

A super callous fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.

French people are incredibly hardcore ...

They eat pain for breakfast.

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

Fibonacci’s day at the fair

One day Fibonacci goes to the fair with his friends: Ms.One, Mr.Five, and Dr.Twenty.

While Fibonacci perused the fairgrounds, his friends decided to enjoy a variety of different competitions and games.

Ms.One thought to try her hand at the ring toss and ball throwing games. S...

Yesterday my friend told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

The ugly lady

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.

The parrot said to her,

\- "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

Well, the lady is furious!

She stormed past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same par...

Incredibly Fat lady and her Super Fat husband complained at me for standing in line for all of 5 minutes.

"Sorry about the weight."

Three friends die and go to heaven...

Three friends die and go to heaven. When they reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets them, giving them the usual spiel that everyone gets when they're about to enter, and as they are walking in he says " By the way, I almost forgot the new rule. Whatever you do, don't step on a duck." The three fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has been disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

A man walks into a bar and orders 5 Whiskeys and downs them incredibly quickly.

The barman says "That was quick!"

"You'd drink them quickly if you had what I had..." replies the man.

"Ohh, what's that?" said the barman sympathetically.

The man answers "no money."

Ultimate frustration on the golf course

A man has played so incredibly badly he tells his caddy “I’m so done with this game; done with life. I’m going to drown myself in that there lake.”
Caddy replies “Do you think you can keep your head down that long sir?”

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The eldest of my six kids came up to me earlier and showed me a drawing she'd done of her mum's vagina. It looked incredibly realistic.

Especially when the other five came along and ripped it to fucking pieces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sportsman's Callenge

(25/M) I was at the bar the other night. Early. I could read my book, and drink my bourbon without distraction. I'm reading, drinking, enjoying my time.

About an hour in, a very good looking older woman walks in. She sits right next to me and orders a Bulleit bourbon, light rocks. As that's w...

Three men are training to be Vladimir Putin's bodyguards

The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway.

"Sergeant Andreyev, come into the hallway."

"Yes, sir!" Andreyev ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A visit to the doctors

A young guy goes to the doctor. He says “doctor, I have this terrible problem with flatulence. I fart uncontrollably and they always smell incredibly bad. You have got to help me”.

So the doctor says “pull down your trousers and underpants, hop on the bed and let me have a look”.

So th...

What do you call an incredibly strong STD?

Herpules

(This joke has been brought to you by my 14 yr old son)

A nun and a priest are playing golf

The priest is teeing off at the first hole. The ball flies across the fairway towards the green, but lands meters from the hole.

"Oh God dammit, I missed."

The nun scolds the priest.

"Father, you ought to be careful. You of all people should know that if you continue to blasphem...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender walks into...

A bartender walks into a chemistry lab to drop off the yearly water sample. The lab guys are excited to have a visitor and even more since it’s a bartender. They invite him to their back room. One end is filled with huge bubbling fermentation flasks. The other is equally crammed with distillation ap...

Mongolian VD

A man goes to the doctor and says "I just got back from South-East Asia and I seem to have picked up something". So the doctor says "let's take a look" and the patient drops trou and his pride and joy has turned a sickly green with vibrant purple spots on.

"Oh my," says the doctor, "up to now...

An old man is on his death bed and calls all his family and the priest.

He says to his first son "I want you to have all the property in the north of the town, I have 16 houses there."

He says to his second son "I want you to have all my commercial property, 8 businesses."

He says to his third son "I want you to have the houses in the southern dis...

Bought the book: Tiger Woods best 18 holes.

I was incredibly disappointed when I found out it was about golf.

What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

The day after xmas a man is incredibly drunk after promising his wife he wouldn't drink, and stands up to go home ...

SMASH .. He smashes face-first down on the ground, he's so wasted. He grabs a bar stool and drags himself up to the bar, resting his weight against it for a second and makes a move for the door.

'SMACK' straight down onto the floor again, crawls to the door, and spend the next 50 minutes get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manage...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two lovers of a recently deceased woman, both named Jack, attended her funeral.

They did not know about each other, nor the woman’s apparent penchant for lovers named Jack. They both, despite their typical emotional despondency, ended up caring for this woman over their respective affairs. Upon meeting and talking, at the reception, they realized they had both been played. Both...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely man adopts a new pet...

A lonely man feeling distant from his wife decides to follow the advice of a coworker and sets out to find a pet to keep himself company.

On the way home from work one day, the man stops by a pet shop. Inside he finds the usual fare, hamsters, guinea pigs, goldfish, etc. As he looks around h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three young men who got lost on a mountain hike in the night.

The snow was raging, and all three were freezing and starving, desperate for shelter and food.

Fortunately, they encountered a house in the woods. They knocked on the door, hoping to get a place to sleep for the night and something to eat.

An old, hideosly ugly woman opened the door. H...

Little known fact: Medusa was actually incredibly attractive...

Every guy who saw her got hard as a rock immediately.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not so sure my new year is getting off on a good start. Last night I ate like a pig and got incredibly drunk.

First thing I did this morning when I woke up was take an enormous, smelly shit. Second thing I did was get out of bed.

The hypnotist show I saw yesterday was incredibly boring.

I can't even remember a single thing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab man is wandering lost through the desert

An Arab man is wandering lost through the Sahara. He sees a man in the distance and struggles to get there hoping it's not a mirage. He finally arrives and sees a nice Jewish man with a table of ties.

"Please, I've been lost for hours and so incredibly thirsty, do you have any water?". The Je...

It's been an incredibly long and tense wait but, now, finally, for the first time in what seems like forever I can say ...

Today is my cake day.

What? Something else going on at 4:09 a.m. East Coast time today?

Why are lines being drawn incredibly good in North Korea?

Because they have a Supreme Ruler

What did they call the guy who sold several fashionable hat companies for an incredibly large sum of money?

A multi-milliner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always see people comparing Trump to Hitler, and I think that’s incredibly ignorant

At least Hitler knew what he was doing

Lately I’ve been dating a blind girl, and I find that it is incredibly rewarding. I do find some things quite difficult though

I still struggle to get her husbands voice right

I used to be incredibly indecisive.

But now I'm not that sure...

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity.

I just can't put it down.

A woman tells a psychiatrist about her husband's incredibly odd behavior.

Woman: Doctor, he just keeps repeating the same thing over and over.

Doctor: What does he say?

Woman: He says "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam."

Doctor: Don't worry. I know exactly what's wrong with him, and all he needs is a little relaxation.

Woma...

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.

"Don't do it!" he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful. He came closer.

"What's wrong?" he asked. The woman told him.

"Okay, here's the thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever been driving

And seen another driver do something so incredibly stupid that you had to stop masturbating?

Man walks into a library and orders an incredibly hot curry.

"This is a library", says the librarian

"Oh, sorry", replies the man

"*I'd like to order an incredibly hot curry please*", he whispers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An incredibly wealthy genius loves riddles.

Bored with being smarter than anyone he meets the man decides to offer his fortune to anyone who is able to stump him with a question or riddle. Thousands of people come to try and trick the man and without effort he answers every riddle and piece of trivia he is challenged with.
Finally an old...

The big bang was an incredibly huge, loud disruption

I guess it must've startled everything

It’s incredibly ignorant to call COVID-19 the “Boomer Remover.”

It’s also making the Silent Generation even quieter.

In art class today, my teacher told me with a wide smile she thinks I'm incredibly autistic

It bummed me out as I really like art and liked her as a teacher

I already have dyslexia and don't need this added to my plate...

Did you hear that the director to Pulp Fiction is making a movie based off of a Belgian comic book where the main character gets deathly ill with an incredibly infectious disease and therefore has to cut off all contact with the outside world?

It's "Quentin Tarantino's *Tintin's Quarantino*".

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the pub...

A man goes to the pub and gets incredibly drunk. He ends up being sick on himself and when he gets home, his wife is livid.

She tells him that this has happened too often and if he does it again, she will leave him.

The next night the man goes back to the pub, and it ha...

I’m an incredibly punctual person. I show up 15 minutes early everywhere I go and I expect the same from my friends and loved ones.

So when my girlfriend told me that she was late, I realized that it was never going to work between us and immediately left her.

I’m incredibly stressed.

I woke up aching all over.

Couldn’t even find a spot in my usual parking area.

I’ve been through a lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband comes home to his wife after being fired

His wife asks him "So what happened?"

The husband explains "I often get bored at work and today my mind was wandering and I thought to myself 'what would happen if I stuck my penis inside the pickle slicer?'"

The wife is clearly blind-sided by this confession and doesn't know what to s...

The picky princess and Peasant John

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by a kind but ageing king. This king had a single daughter, beautiful and clever, but incredibly picky regarding suitors.
At first, the king entertained many foreign princes and young nobles, seeking the hand of his daughter in marriage. However, the pr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is walking her dog along the pier

When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper. Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened. The woman, who is incredibly...

A new Russian "recruit" goes to the Armory to get his weapons.

The armorer looks around, and seeing there are no guns left, hand the soldier a broomstick.

"But Comrade!" complains the recruit. "The enemy have real guns! How will this help me?"

The armorer says to him, "Just point this at them and say 'Bang Bang Bang!' It will work."

"But ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seasoned hunter

A group of young men who are on a hunting trip stop at the lodge. They hang out at the bar, drinking beer and talking.

Suddenly an older hunter walks in and the patrons fall silent. Everyone stares at the man as he walks up to the bar, sits down and orders whiskey. The silence in the room is ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.