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Incredibly Jokes

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My wife was incredibly mad when she found out I have been visiting prostitutes for sex

I said “Well you can hardly blame me, it’s not like I was getting any from you!”

She yelled, “But I didn’t know you were willing to pay for it!”

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

I met a girl at a club the other night who said she’d show me a good time and incredibly, when we got outside...

She ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.

What do you call an incredibly strong STD?

Herpules

(This joke has been brought to you by my 14 yr old son)

Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from thre...

French people are incredibly hardcore ...

They eat pain for breakfast.

Jefferson, a disgraced yet incredibly successful basketball coach, is asked to return to help lead his team to victory.

On his first day back, he organizes a meeting between himself and Anthony, the coach that took over when he initially left. When Anthony arrives to his office, Jefferson is already there, holding a large oak box.

"What's in the box?" Anthony asks.

Jefferson opens the box to reveal a sn...

What do you call an incredibly insensitive shaman who’s also weak and suffers from chronic bad breath?

A super callous fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.

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My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has been disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

A man walks into a bar and orders 5 Whiskeys and downs them incredibly quickly.

The barman says "That was quick!"


"You'd drink them quickly if you had what I had..." replies the man.

"Ohh, what's that?" said the barman sympathetically.

The man answers "no money."

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After running some tests this morning, the doctor told me I had incredibly healthy sperm.

Probably because I only ever masturbate into sports socks.

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

The hypnotist show I saw yesterday was incredibly boring.

I can't even remember a single thing!

Little known fact: Medusa was actually incredibly attractive...

Every guy who saw her got hard as a rock immediately.

Incredibly Fat lady and her Super Fat husband complained at me for standing in line for all of 5 minutes.

"Sorry about the weight."

I used to be incredibly indecisive.

But now I'm not that sure...

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity.

I just can't put it down.

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An incredibly wealthy genius loves riddles.

Bored with being smarter than anyone he meets the man decides to offer his fortune to anyone who is able to stump him with a question or riddle. Thousands of people come to try and trick the man and without effort he answers every riddle and piece of trivia he is challenged with.
Finally an old...

Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

Why are lines being drawn incredibly good in North Korea?

Because they have a Supreme Ruler

I’m incredibly stressed.

I woke up aching all over.

Couldn’t even find a spot in my usual parking area.

I’ve been through a lot.

Man walks into a library and orders an incredibly hot curry.

"This is a library", says the librarian

"Oh, sorry", replies the man

"*I'd like to order an incredibly hot curry please*", he whispers

The big bang was an incredibly huge, loud disruption

I guess it must've startled everything

What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

A woman tells a psychiatrist about her husband's incredibly odd behavior.

Woman: Doctor, he just keeps repeating the same thing over and over.

Doctor: What does he say?

Woman: He says "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam."

Doctor: Don't worry. I know exactly what's wrong with him, and all he needs is a little relaxation.

Woma...

It’s incredibly ignorant to call COVID-19 the “Boomer Remover.”

It’s also making the Silent Generation even quieter.

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A young guy goes into a drug store owned by two spinster sisters.

He awkwardly says to the one lady at the pharmacy counter, "Um, this is embarrassing but I have this condition where about once a day I become incredibly aroused and overcome by the desire to have sex with any woman at all. It's overwhelming! What can you give me for it?"

"Hmm," replied the l...

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A husband comes home to his wife after being fired from the pickle factory...

His wife asks him "So what happened?"

The husband explains "I often get bored at work and today my mind was wandering and I thought to myself 'what would happen if I stuck my penis inside the pickle slicer?'"

The wife is clearly blind-sided by this confession and doesn't know what to s...

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I always see people comparing Trump to Hitler, and I think that’s incredibly ignorant

At least Hitler knew what he was doing

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The eldest of my six kids came up to me earlier and showed me a drawing she'd done of her mum's vagina. It looked incredibly realistic.

Especially when the other five came along and ripped it to fucking pieces.

I started seeing this incredibly beautiful girl.

But then my psychiatrist readjusted my meds.

The day after xmas a man is incredibly drunk after promising his wife he wouldn't drink, and stands up to go home ...

SMASH .. He smashes face-first down on the ground, he's so wasted. He grabs a bar stool and drags himself up to the bar, resting his weight against it for a second and makes a move for the door.

'SMACK' straight down onto the floor again, crawls to the door, and spend the next 50 minutes get...

A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much.

As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter!

After the vows, the priest is extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone.

The groom approache...

What did they call the guy who sold several fashionable hat companies for an incredibly large sum of money?

A multi-milliner.

So a 1024MB Memory Card walks into a bar...

The Memory Card spots a piano, sits down at it and starts playing some incredible music.

After a number of songs, mostly original, the Memory Card gets up and the bar goes wild with cheers and applause.

The bar owner was incredibly impressed and runs up to the Memory Card and says, "Bu...

In art class today, my teacher told me with a wide smile she thinks I'm incredibly autistic

It bummed me out as I really like art and liked her as a teacher

I already have dyslexia and don't need this added to my plate...

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.

"Don't do it!" he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful. He came closer.

"What's wrong?" he asked. The woman told him.

"Okay, here's the thi...

Lately I’ve been dating a blind girl, and I find that it is incredibly rewarding. I do find some things quite difficult though

I still struggle to get her husbands voice right

I think it's incredibly important we feed our cows marijuana.

the steaks are high.

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Not so sure my new year is getting off on a good start. Last night I ate like a pig and got incredibly drunk.

First thing I did this morning when I woke up was take an enormous, smelly shit. Second thing I did was get out of bed.

It's been an incredibly long and tense wait but, now, finally, for the first time in what seems like forever I can say ...

Today is my cake day.

What? Something else going on at 4:09 a.m. East Coast time today?

I think the Tuskegee Airmen were incredibly brave...

...not only were they fighter pilots, they all had syphilis!

I once knew this incredibly meticulous man from Taiwan.

He was a real Taipei personality.

I screwed up the scene in the movie where I walked through an incredibly light rain.

It was a mist take.

I went to a Carl's Jr. the other day and noticed it was incredibly cold inside...

Turns out I was at Brrrrr-ger King.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab man is wandering lost through the desert

An Arab man is wandering lost through the Sahara. He sees a man in the distance and struggles to get there hoping it's not a mirage. He finally arrives and sees a nice Jewish man with a table of ties.

"Please, I've been lost for hours and so incredibly thirsty, do you have any water?". The Je...

Three men are training to be Vladimir Putin's bodyguards

The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway.

"Sergeant Andreyev, come into the hallway."

"Yes, sir!" Andreyev ...

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