A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"

The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"

And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Synonym Toast Crunch

I typed “ninjas” into thesaurus.com. It said “ninjas cannot be found.”

Well played ninjas, well played.

I've spent my isolation reading the thesaurus.

Because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.

The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."

The Dictionary responds "Yo...

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astou...

I read a bad thesaurus the other day.

And it wasn't just *bad*, it was *bad*.

I need a thesaurus…

very very very very very very very very badly.

I own the world's worst thesaurus.

Not only is it awful, it's awful.

My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus

Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

With all of the confusion with moving between online learning and in-person learning I lost my thesaurus

I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was

Amazon Thesaurus

I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon, but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am

Did that horse steal my thesaurus?

Horse: "Nope"

I just bought a 1995 Ford Thesaurus.

A car, an automobile, motor carriage , a motor vehicle.

A bought a new Thesaurus but it was terrible!

Not only that, it was terrible!

My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love a play on words.

What do you find if you look up the word thesaurus in a thesaurus?

Synonyms.

Rule number 1 of the thesaurus club:

Never discuss, mention, speak of, or talk about Thesaurus Club.

To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

My new thesaurus is alright,

But I wouldn't say it's anything to write house about.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

My new thesaurus is terrible

In fact I'd go as far to say it's terrible.

After reading the thesaurus I have a strong vocabulary of useless synonyms.

They’re unnecessary, worthless and redundant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

... sits on the bar stool and lets out a deep sigh.

The bartender notices asks "What the problem Joe?"

The replies "My wife is upset. She told me I dont complement her enough. I told her shes a simple woman but apparently she heard that before."

"Hey Joe, I got a thesaurus over...

I heard about the guy who had thesaurus throat he'd ever had after swallowing a dictionary...

So I suggested he try soothing it with a synonym latte.

I’ve written a theatre production called “Thesaurus.”

It’s a play on words

I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus.

Now I'm impecunious.

Someone at school stole my thesaurus.

I just can't describe how angry I am.


(Edit: credit to emul4tion for suggesting a tighter version of my original)

I was angry at my roommate for buying a new thesaurus every week

So i told her "Enough is enough!"

What do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary?

A thesaurus

I just lost my thesaurus.

Not only am I mad, but I'm also mad.

I tried using a thesaurus to find synonyms for useless.

The result was futile.

Thesauruses are, for lack of a better word,

useless

Man, I hate this new thesaurus I got

I can’t even find the words to describe how useless it is.

The author of what’s been described as “the world’s worst thesaurus” has dismissed the comments.

He’s described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.

In this day and age, keeping a paper thesaurus around the house is as useless as....

Um....as useless.....as.....um.....

People keep telling me to get a thesaurus

But aren't all dinosaurs not existing forever?

What's a thesaurus's favorite cereal?

Synonym Toast Crunch

I went to the store today to buy a thesaurus..

They had none left. It was just terrible, and terrible.

I’ll give up my thesaurus...

when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.

Not only is my new Thesaurus terrible...

but it also died 65 million years ago

I think my English teacher is a dinosaur

Because he said he is a walking thesaurus

I see your thesaurus joke and raise you mine. Did you here about the truck full of thesauruses that crashed?

Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted, and taken aback.

What's another word for thesaurus?

Lexicon.

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