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To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus

Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.

The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."

The Dictionary responds "Yo...

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is

that you do not talk, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, prattle, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, converse, discourse, orate or speak about Thesaurus Club.

A thesaurus walks into a bar

A thesaurus strolls into a bar.

A thesaurus saunters into a bar.

A thesaurus ambles into a bar.

A thesaurus walks into a bar.

A thesaurus plods into a bar.

A thesaurus hikes into a bar.

A thesaurus treks into a bar.

A thesaurus wanders into a bar.
...

What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is:

You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of thesauruses crashed yesterday

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"

The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"

And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

My buddy gave me a terrible thesaurus.

It was terrible.

I own the world’s worst thesaurus.

Not only is it terrible, it’s delicious.

A thief broke into my house and stole my prized thesaurus.

I am at a loss for words.

Donald Trump's Thesaurus is so bad...

it's also bad.

My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.

I told her that made me feel bad, really bad, like bad, so bad, not good, and just... bad.

She then apologized.

What do you find if you look up the word thesaurus in a thesaurus?

Synonyms.

I asked my horse if he stole my thesaurus.

He said nope.

I said to my wife, “I can’t think of a four letter word that means identical.”

Her: Same.

Me: Maybe we should get a thesaurus?

My new thesaurus is terrible

in fact I'd go as far to say that it's terrible

Someone at school stole my thesaurus.

I just can't describe how angry I am.


(Edit: credit to emul4tion for suggesting a tighter version of my original)

I typed “ninjas” into thesaurus.com. It said “ninjas cannot be found.”

Well played ninjas, well played.

I need a thesaurus…

very very very very very very very very badly.

My new thesaurus is alright,

But I wouldn't say it's anything to write house about.

I just bought a 1995 Ford Thesaurus.

A car, an automobile, motor carriage , a motor vehicle.

It was my birthday yesterday and I got given a rubbish thesaurus

It was rubbish

My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year

But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.

I see your thesaurus joke and raise you mine. Did you here about the truck full of thesauruses that crashed?

Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted, and taken aback.

I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus.

Now I'm impecunious.

I've been reading the thesaurus a lot lately...

because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

I’ll give up my thesaurus...

when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.

I’ve written a theatre production called “Thesaurus.”

It’s a play on words

After reading the thesaurus I have a strong vocabulary of useless synonyms.

They’re unnecessary, worthless and redundant.

I tried using a thesaurus to find synonyms for useless.

The result was futile.

Thesauruses are, for lack of a better word,

useless

What's another word for thesaurus?

Lexicon.

I once swallowed a whole dictionary.

It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Not only is my new Thesaurus terrible...

but it also died 65 million years ago

I went to the store today to buy a thesaurus..

They had none left. It was just terrible, and terrible.

What do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary?

A thesaurus

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