A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"

The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"

And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Synonym Toast Crunch

I own the world's worst thesaurus.

Not only is it awful, it's awful.

I've spent my isolation reading the thesaurus.

Because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

I typed “ninjas” into thesaurus.com. It said “ninjas cannot be found.”

Well played ninjas, well played.

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.

The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."

The Dictionary responds "Yo...

My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus

Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

With all of the confusion with moving between online learning and in-person learning I lost my thesaurus

I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of thesauruses crashed yesterday

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it arrived I found all of the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love a play on words.

To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

My new thesaurus is alright,

But I wouldn't say it's anything to write house about.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

What do you find if you look up the word thesaurus in a thesaurus?

Synonyms.

My new thesaurus is terrible

In fact I'd go as far to say it's terrible.

Rule number 1 of the thesaurus club:

Never discuss, mention, speak of, or talk about Thesaurus Club.

I asked my horse if he stole my thesaurus.

He said nope.

After reading the thesaurus I have a strong vocabulary of useless synonyms.

They’re unnecessary, worthless and redundant.

I think my English teacher is a dinosaur

Because he said he is a walking thesaurus

I heard about the guy who had thesaurus throat he'd ever had after swallowing a dictionary...

So I suggested he try soothing it with a synonym latte.

what do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary?

a thesaurus

I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus.

Now I'm impecunious.

I’ve written a theatre production called “Thesaurus.”

It’s a play on words

Someone at school stole my thesaurus.

I just can't describe how angry I am.


(Edit: credit to emul4tion for suggesting a tighter version of my original)

I was angry at my roommate for buying a new thesaurus every week

So i told her "Enough is enough!"

Man, I hate this new thesaurus I got

I can’t even find the words to describe how useless it is.

First Rule of Thesaurus Club:

You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.

I just lost my thesaurus.

Not only am I mad, but I'm also mad.

I tried using a thesaurus to find synonyms for useless.

The result was futile.

Thesauruses are, for lack of a better word,

useless

The author of what’s been described as “the world’s worst thesaurus” has dismissed the comments.

He’s described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate being used as a thesaurus.

A mate just asked another term for "monkey dung" and I went apeshit.

People keep telling me to get a thesaurus

But aren't all dinosaurs not existing forever?

In this day and age, keeping a paper thesaurus around the house is as useless as....

Um....as useless.....as.....um.....

What's a thesaurus's favorite cereal?

Synonym Toast Crunch

Not only is my new Thesaurus terrible...

but it also died 65 million years ago

I went to the store today to buy a thesaurus..

They had none left. It was just terrible, and terrible.

I’ll give up my thesaurus...

when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.

I see your thesaurus joke and raise you mine. Did you here about the truck full of thesauruses that crashed?

Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted, and taken aback.

What's another word for thesaurus?

Lexicon.

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