UPJOKE
dictionaryvocabularyantonymlexiconsynonymsynonymshandbookwordsbookshelflingosyntaxantonymslexiconophilistlexiconophiliadefinitions

A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"

The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"

And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

I own the world's worst thesaurus.

Not only is it awful, it's awful.

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.

The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."

The Dictionary responds "Yo...

To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

A truck carrying thousands of copies of “Merriam-Webster’s Thesaurus” overturned on I-91 shortly after leaving its distribution facility in Springfield, MA, spilling its cargo all over the highway.

Witnesses were aghast, astonished, bewildered, confounded, confused, dazed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, numbed, paralyzed, rattled, shocked, startled, stunned, stupefied, and surprised.

I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted, but when I opened it, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus…

I was aghast, appalled, and dismayed.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is

that you do not talk, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, prattle, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, converse, discourse, orate or speak about Thesaurus Club.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is:

You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club

My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.

I told her that made me feel bad, really bad, like bad, so bad, not good, and just... bad.

She then apologized.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Synonym Toast Crunch

My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love a play on words.

Why was the man who had lost his thesaurus so quiet?

He was a man of few words

I’ve lost my thesaurus.

I can’t find the words to describe how I feel

I've spent my isolation reading the thesaurus.

Because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

I typed “ninjas” into thesaurus.com. It said “ninjas cannot be found.”

Well played ninjas, well played.

It was my birthday yesterday and I got given a rubbish thesaurus

It was rubbish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ive bought a really shitty thesaurus once.

not only was it terrible, it was terrible.

With all of the confusion with moving between online learning and in-person learning I lost my thesaurus

I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was

Me to my horse: "Did you steal my thesaurus?"

Horse: "No."

I read a bad thesaurus the other day.

And it wasn't just *bad*, it was *bad*.

I need a thesaurus…

very very very very very very very very badly.

What do you find if you look up the word thesaurus in a thesaurus?

Synonyms.

My new thesaurus is alright,

But I wouldn't say it's anything to write house about.

After reading the thesaurus I have a strong vocabulary of useless synonyms.

They’re unnecessary, worthless and redundant.

Someone at school stole my thesaurus.

I just can't describe how angry I am.


(Edit: credit to emul4tion for suggesting a tighter version of my original)

I tried using a thesaurus to find synonyms for useless.

The result was futile.

I swallowed a dictionary

I have Thesaurus throat i've ever had!

My new thesaurus is terrible

in fact I'd go as far to say that it's terrible

I just lost my thesaurus.

Not only am I mad, but I'm also mad.

I was angry at my roommate for buying a new thesaurus every week

So i told her "Enough is enough!"

I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus.

Now I'm impecunious.

I’ve written a theatre production called “Thesaurus.”

It’s a play on words

Thesauruses are, for lack of a better word,

useless

The author of what’s been described as “the world’s worst thesaurus” has dismissed the comments.

He’s described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.

In this day and age, keeping a paper thesaurus around the house is as useless as....

Um....as useless.....as.....um.....

I’ll give up my thesaurus...

when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

I went to the store today to buy a thesaurus..

They had none left. It was just terrible, and terrible.

I see your thesaurus joke and raise you mine. Did you here about the truck full of thesauruses that crashed?

Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted, and taken aback.

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