If you ever feel your job is meaningless...

Just remember that it's somebody's job to install turn signals to BMW's

What is the only time you see BMWs using their turn signals?

The driving examiner is sitting on the front passenger seat.

If I was a cop I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals..

Left and right

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Astronomers detected radio signals from the same source 1.5 billion light years away.

And I can't get the fucking WiFi connection in my room.

[NSFW] Condoms Are Like Turn Signals

I never use them.

What do condoms and turn signals have in common?

If people used them, there would be less accidents

BMW drivers always use their signals

The light they give off just can't be seen by the poor.

I don't use turn signals.

I figure its none of their business where I'm going.

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There was this newlywed couple and they wanted to have some silent signals about when they wanted to have sex.

So the wife said that if he wanted sex to touch her left breast, and if he didn't want sex, to touch her right breast. Then she asked him what he wanted as signals. The answer was, that if she wanted sex, to tug on his cock. Then she asked what if she didn't want sex. The answer was, tug on it anoth...

Turn Signals

They seem to be a joke to most drivers..

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Giving signals

Always told my wife if she wanted to have sex pull on my dick once. If she didn’t want sex pull on my dick 40-50 times.........

I was using smoke signals and was surprised by who responded

Some firemen

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Signals for sex

A deaf couple have been really hitting it off and eventually move in together. They find out that they are very sexually compatible, but they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing or read each other's lips.

After several nights...

You think YOU have a meaningless job?

Think about the guy who makes turn signals at the BMW factory.

I'm getting mixed signals from my doctor.

First, he told me that I need to stop drinking so much, but he also told me I should get more shots.

[God-awful OC] What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them?

The lanlord!

I watched a terrible documentary on traffic signals.

Who green-lights these things?

There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

Mixed Signals

Ben is sitting at home reading a magazine or something, I dunno, and his phone rings. He answers, "Hey, who's this?"

"Sup, Ben. It's Frank," is the reply.

B: "Hey, what's up, man?"

F: "Listen, I need some relationship advice. Can you help me?"

B: "Sure."

F: "Cool, ...

Why are turn signals great workers?

When they get tired and burn out, they work twice as hard.

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Construction signals

so there was this man working on a construction site on the third floor. during his work he realized he needed a handsaw, but there was nowhere to be found, then he looks down. seeing a fellow co-worker on the 1st floor, so the man on the third floor screams and yells at the guy, now the guy can see...

If you ever feel that your job is pointless...

Just remember that there is someone out there in a BMW factory installing turn signals.



Credit to /u/Snorkels721 , just sharing the golden comment

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A woman applies for work at a construction site.

Her skills and recommendations are superb, so the foreman is ready to offer her the job. "We are kinda rough here. And we use body parts in our "sign language" to get around the noise and distance on the site."

"No problem," she replies, "all part of the job."

Soon, the foreman is on...

Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...

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A man goes to a camel service stop

He tells the worker "My camel won't walk, can you help?"

"Sure" He signals to the automotive lift "Put the camel on the lift"

The man drags the camel on the lift and the worker slams the camels balls with 2 bricks and it runs off

"How am i supposed to catch it now?" To which the...

You ever felt useless? Ever thought your job has no real purpose or meaning?

Keep your head up. Just remember that you make a difference in this world.

Unless you are that guy who makes turn signals in the BMW factory.

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Retiring mail man

So a retiring mail man is making his route on his last day. He has been working the route for 30 years. He receives a few thank you cards, and some small gifts, which really makes him feel appreciated.

As his day is coming to an end, he comes to one of the final houses. As he puts the mail in...

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A man enters a bar with a talking dog

He sits and signals to the bartender. He that tells him that he bets for a 100 bucks that his dog can talk. The bartender says that this would be an easy win so he agrees. Then men proceeds to ask the dog: "What sits on the top of a house?", the dog says: "Roof!" The bartender then calls bullshit, ...

Looking out into the pitch-black night, a sea captain sees a light dead ahead. It’s on a collision course with his ship.

He sends out a light signal: “Change your course ten degrees east.”



The light signals back to the ship, “Change yours ten degrees west.”



Angrily, the captain sends a second signal, stating, “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”



“I’m a seaman, sec...

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A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes ...

At the Glasgow Sheriff's Court, the Sheriff is becoming annoyed at the conduct of a scruffy youth in the spectators' gallery

who is leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and noisily chewing gum with his mouth half open. Eventually the Sheriff can bear it no more and signals for the bailiff, and says to him "Would ye tell yon young man to stop masticatin' in ma coort?". Whereupon the bailiff trots up to th...

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

I said this in a group chat some time ago, now I'll post it here.

As we all know there are five internets.

1: the surface web. It's what we all use. People say its advanced but it never loads, is filled with spam, and has no memes for the blind.

2: the deep web. It's where illegal and secret stuff happens. Pepole are worried about it housing networ...

This lady at the pub...

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you t...

A Police Officer is patrolling the streets of his town.

Suddenly he sees something weird, a car that is approaching has a dog behind the steering wheel while on the passenger's seat sits a man.

So of course he signals the car to pull out to the sidewalk.

Man in passenger's seat has a window already rolled down so the Police Officer starts t...

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A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car.

The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, "You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money."

The lawyer says, "How DARE you call ...

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I Asked My Wife For The Rake

I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?”

She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?”

I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a ...

What did Batman get for Valentine's day?

Mixed signals.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it...

A fine conductor.

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piece...

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After a date at the bars, a girl invites her date home...

Once home, she decides to try to lighten the mood and send some signals.

She also remembers him mentioning that he likes jokes so she asks, "How is a warm cabin, a short gangster and a horny girl the same yet different?"

*Her date shrugs*

"One's a little homey, the other's a l...

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So an American soldier and a Japanese soldier wash up alone on two neighbouring islands during WW2...

So an American soldier and a Japanese soldier wash up alone on two neighbouring islands during WW2.... A few days after washing up onshore, the American is gazing over at the neighbouring island and spots a Japanese soldier staring back at him.

The American tries shouting out to the man but d...

Fuzzy Green Booger

A woman walks into a pet store one day looking for a pet to buy.

The pet store owner walks up:
"Can I help you find anything?"

The woman replies:
"I'm looking for a companion."

Owner: "How about a dog?"

Woman: "I'm allergic to dogs."

Owner: "How about a cat?...

Another blonde joke

Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's worki...

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Why did hitler fail his drivers ed?

He used his turn signals on the two left turns but failed at the 3rd reich

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