UPJOKE
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Spreading Jokes

My friend is spreading rumours about me being schizophrenic.

Well, three can play that game!

There’s a virus that makes us forget 80s music. It may be spreading.

No one knows the Cure

My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties

Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?

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For me, getting girls is like spreading butter...

It's much easier with a knife.

I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. It was her dying wish.

The security guards said I probably should have cremated her first.

I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body.

Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!

Why China is arresting people for spreading misinformation?

Because spreading misinformation is government's job.

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Everyone credits Pastors and Priests for spreading the gospel..

But no on seems to appreciate the stunning amount of missionary work done by porn stars..

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The World Health Organization has said Monkeypox is primarily spreading through sex.

So Redditors should be safe.

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

Hagrid spreading Dumbledore's ashes into the winds.

"You're a blizzard Albus."

A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a...

Flat-earthers have heard their theory is spreading around the globe

They don't believe it.

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Two young Mormon missionaries are spreading the good word around South-East Asia when they accidentally walk in to a brothel

This becomes increasingly clearer to the two young men as the attractive, scantily clad women begin to make poorly veiled sexual entreaties in broken English. The two have practically no knowledge of, or experience with, women, and begin sweating profusely when the truth dawns. The first missionary ...

With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..

“Made in China”

Letter from 7 to 6

Dear 6,

Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty nasty things together.

Sincerely,
7

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Little Bobby was running through the woods

Little Bobby was running through the woods behind his house when the urge to go #2 struck. Bobby did his business behind a tree and carried on his way. The next day, Bobby was out behind his house again when he saw a swarm of flies circling yesterday's droppings. Intrigued, Bobby dropped his pants a...

Jesus was having a hard time spreading his message...

So God turned him off and on again

I got knocked off my bike by a salt spreading truck last winter.

"You IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth.

I wanted to run a DnD game where the party would be setting up a gynecology clinic, but my gaming group started spreading a false rumor that it was a kink thing?

It was just a smear campaign...

The best way to stop Covid-19 spreading...

Would be to post it in *new

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A man was taken to court by several people for spreading scandalous rumors about their sex lives

The judge asked the man, "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

"Well your honor," responded the man. "I grew up on a very small land mass in the ocean and its just a part of our culture."

Not satisfied, the judge asked, "What culture could you possibly belong to that would lea...

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Due to the growing popularity of no nut november, its wave of abstience is spreading to other months

Such as: no jizz july, no semen september and no dong december

Some women's legs are like rumors. They keep spreading.

Spreading so fast.

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

There's a goose spreading out patriotic misinformation!

He's a proper gander

Did you hear about the COVID-19 spreading like crazy in Italy?

Looks like it's being pasta around.

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Persuading girl into having sex with you is like spreading the butter on a toast.

It is possible with credit card, but it makes more sense using a knife.

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So a missionary is spreading the word

of God as he see it in the deepest darkest parts of the African jungle. Since companionship is scarce, he entertains himself in the evenings by sitting outside his crude shelter and playing his violin.

As time passes he notices that the animals have begun to come out of the jungle when he pla...

To prevent spreading coronavirus, Aha's Morten Harket doesn't physically kiss people.

He just get close to them and says "moi,


which is a different take on me

There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women

But it was all just Hera-say

Man spreading is a lot like breastfeeding in public....

We’re all just trying to take care of our kids.

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Telegram

Telephone

Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

With this whole virus pandemic, I think it’s become clear we need to get rid of certain races for potentially spreading the virus.

Like the Tour de France for example. Too many people standing right next to each other. Can’t be too cautious these days...

In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity.

Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of the weather.

To help the Sioux, Edison insta...

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Jane wanted to move things along with Tarzan

Jane wanted to move things along with Tarzan, so she went directly to him and asked him if he had ever had sex.

“Tarzan not know sex”, he replied.

Jane thought for a moment and then explained in detail what sex was to him.

“Tarzan use hole in tree”

Jane was shocked:”No, n...

Why was Mr. Information sad?

Because everyone was spreading Ms. Information

How do Egyptians warn each other about a spreading fire?

Pyroglyphs.

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