UPJOKE
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Posting Jokes

My wife asked me what I'm posting on Reddit...

I tell her that they /r/jokes.

why is everyone posting about 9/11?

It's still 2 months away.

I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

Before you go around posting “He has risen”

Remember to add spoiler alert.

Some of us haven’t read the book yet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is posting to r/jokes like masterbating?

Because 3 times a day just isn't enough

I thought about posting this joke about mirrors

but I just can't see myself telling it

I saw a posting for a local scat group and decided to check them out

It was clear the moment I walked in the door I had made a mistake, but never being one against new experiences I pulled out a stool and joined them

My wife is fed up with me constantly posting jokes here, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled...

"No it doesn't!"

Can we please stop posting chemistry jokes?

I keep seeing the same jokes reposted periodically.

People that keep posting things about Vaisakhi, can you all stop please?!

I’m Sikh and tired of it.

I felt a little bad about posting a joke about the Amish

Oh well, it's not like they'll ever read it.

Why do people keep posting the same joke on here?

Because they’re hoping people haven’t Reddit already.

I thought about posting a joke about salt

but then I thought, Na, this is r/jokes, and these guys are sodium, they just won't get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stop posting jokes making fun of Homosexuality!

Cum on guys!

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

5 years of cake day without posting a joke...

I mean, I feel I dessert to do it this time.

First time posting

“What did the ocean said to the other ocean”

“Nothing they just waved

You sea what i did there

Im shore you did

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence

Posting my school jokes day#2

What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied

Have you ever noticed the tags that you can use when posting on r/Jokes?

For some reason, people can't use the OC tag in their posts.

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this pa...

A lot of people won’t like me for posting this

This

I tried posting my cat today

He got a little upset so I let him back down.

Posting about Covid-19 on the Internet.....

Seems to have gone viral.

This week everyone kept posting about "National Dog Day."

Gotta be honest... I can't tell the national dogs from the local ones.

My puppy got mad when I was posting on twitter

Turns out he isn't a fan of tweeters. He much prefers subwoofers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First time posting on this sub

A man comes home from the pickle factory and tells his wife he was fired because he got his penis stuck in the pickle slicer.

“Oh my gosh are you okay!!” She says as she’s pulling down his pants to see if there’s anything wrong with it.

“I... don’t see anything wrong with with it. “Wha...

If you don’t spend your cake day posting and commenting

The karma is gonna catch up with you

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I've decided to stop posting sexist jokes....

Because women find them too complicated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting on /r/Jokes was like being a UPS driver.

Because I fucked up the delivery

I got banned from Instagram for posting food pictures

Apparently they only want to see the food "Before" you eat it, not "After"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the opposite of shit posting?

Piss lurking.

First time posting here, don't know if blonde jokes are appreciated

A blind cowboy walks into a bar, without knowing it's an only women's bar and says "anyone here wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender replies "since you're blind I'll fill you in on something. I'm a blonde woman and I've got a gun next to me, the woman to your right is the national judo ch...

This is the third time I've read the policy upon posting jokes.

Ok Admin, i reddit already

All these people posting about invading Area 51..

All they need to do is change the “restricted area” signs to “now hiring” and “now recruiting” and it’ll lower the numbers by at least half.

This hacker keeps posting on my reddit account

I will find you and I will stop you.

Posting OC before bed is like waiting for the tooth fairy

You're always disappointed when you wake up

Posting on r/Jokes is like dating in Alabama

Neither bring anything original to the table

I prefer posting memes over jokes

They just meme more to me




Im so sorry this was terrible

I tried posting a joke about a malfunctioning bomb earlier

But it never blew up

There's three important things you need to do when posting number jokes.

1. Know how to count

*Edit* 2. Proof read

I've been posting my resume online while I was asleep;

hoping to get my dream job.

What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before?

A Key.

Since we’re posting old jokes….

A girl was sleeping in class (btw I'm new, so first time posting)

A girl named Jess was sleeping in class, then the teacher asks Jess: 'Jess, who created the earth?' Now little Johnny was sitting behind her and had an unfolded paper clip, he poked Jess with it and Jess shouted 'Oh god' the teacher said correct.

Next lesson Jess was sleeping again, the teach...

The wife of a sultan is a sultana. Why am I posting this fact?

No raisin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

Students at a high school in Georgia were suspended for posting photographs of their crowded hallways.

The administration was worried about the wrong thing going viral.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting a joke here. I first heard this one as a teenager and I've been telling it for at least 35 years now. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. It's a long one, so be ready.

There once was a young, newlywed couple who just arrived in their honeymoon suite after a wonderful day spent celebrating their union with family and friends. The newlyweds, having both grown up in very sheltered homes, had no experience in the matters of sex and had pledged to one another to wait u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly anointed priest is given his first posting.

Father Ben a newly anointed priest is given his first posting of his career. He’s fairly young and very nervous, but seeing his distress, Father Todd the elderly priest he’s replacing was very thoughtful and had prepared some cheat sheets so everything would transition smoothly. Hidden behind the al...

Posting a joke on a Reddit is like going in a bar.

Sometimes you get lucky, but most of the time you just lose your self esteem

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by posting a video of my wife frantically scratching her pussy...

It went fungal

They stopped putting pictures of missing kids on milk cartons, and started posting them on r/jokes

They get much wider coverage. No one reposts more than r/jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Posting a Joke on reddit is like going to a bar...

You see the same shit repeated every week, but you can't stop from yourself from going there.

Hey what's easier than posting to r/personalfinance?

Getting laid.

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