What is written on the tombstone of a LEGO minifigure?

RIP: Rest In Pieces

What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?

iCame, iSaw, iConquered.

So yea, swapping the names on the tombstones...

Was a grave idea...

My tombstone won’t say rip, it will say vip

Because there is a special place in hell for me

A wife inscribed on her husband's tombstone...

Rest in Peace honey.
Rest in Peace, till I join you.

What I want written on my tombstone:

"Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"

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A male pornstar was charged with murder and sentenced to death by hanging. The day before his execution, the warden asked: "what would you like inscribed on your tombstone?"







He was well hung"

An older man was getting sicker and sicker as time went by...

The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age.

After a few weeks, the man has developed an incredible frequent and annoying cough.
His wife is annoyed and is constantly telling him to go the doctor, but the man kept refusing.


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A man was walking in a graveyard when he spots another man crouching behind a tombstone

"Morning!" he said

The Other man replied:"No just taking a shit"

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An old lady who never married passed away.

In her will, it specified that her tombstone say, "Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin." But that was too many words to put on the stone, so they they just wrote, "Returned unopened."

What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone?

Sans Sheriff.

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I was walking through the cemetery earlier and saw a guy crouched behind a tombstone..

I said morning! As I walked past

He said no, I'm just having a shit.


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband ...

Dentist’s tombstone:

"Here lies Frank Serra, filling his last cavity".

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There was once a woman who held a funeral for her boob after a mastectomy

The tombstone said "Breast In Peace"

What does an anti-vaxx mother get her 2 year old triplets for their birthday?

A tombstone for each of the triplets

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A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.

The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed Virgin, three men buried in the same grave!"

Just realized what I'm putting on my tombstone.

If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

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Why did the grammar nazi request someone else's tombstone to be placed on his grave?

He was a big fan of transferred epitaph.

Engraved on a hypochondriac's tombstone...

See, I told you I was sick.

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Two women go out to a bar and get hammered...

On the walk home, they both have to pee.

One woman pees in her pants, and throws away her panties. The other goes into the cemetery they were walking by and pees near a tombstone, using a wreath placed on the stone to clean up before going home.

The next morning, their husbands talk ...

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man."

"How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."

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Suzie and Lauren went on a girls night out (nsfw)

And on the way home both really needed to piss. There were no restrooms about but there was a graveyard, so figuring no one would see them they jumped the wall and each squatted behind a tombstone.

"Suzie I've nothing to wipe my arse with." Lauren lamented, to which Suzie replied.


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I was walking through the cemetery early one day

I seen the top of a head peeking above a tombstone. "Morning" I said, he replied "no just taking a shit."

After a brief, bloodless gunfight,

Prickly Bob and his Saddlesore Gang have managed to capture Dan Hollings, Deputy of Tombstone. Prickly Bob, not wanting a murder warrant on his head, has decided to let the desert take care of his latest problem with the law.

Now, I won't lie to you. Alone and buried up to his chin in red des...

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the thir...

A man named Odd

There once was a man named Odd. Throughout his life people would tease him about his name, and so in his will he left instructions that his tombstone should have no name on it; at least in death he would have some peace.

The man eventually did die, and his survivors honored his wishes. And wh...

My favorite Halloween Joke

Two Vampire Hunters entered a cemetery looking for their prey. As night fell, they found a tombstone covered in blood, black as night and decorated with a bat motif. They began excavating it, getting to the coffin just as the last rays of the sun began to disappear.

With no time to open it, ...

Three doctors are talking about death

The first, a dentist, says, “When I die, I think I’d like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.”

“Hey,” adds the cardiologist, “that’s not a bad idea, I’d love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…”

The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, “I think scatt...

A lawyer named Strange died.

His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks...

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A man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral

Feeling quite sad, a man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral. As he walked between the tombstones he came across an open grave. He walked right up to the edge to see that there was still a coffin inside. What an odd sight he thought to himself - suddenly he heard a thump, follow...

My buddy was really into Beyblades before he died

His tombstone reads:

R. I. P.

Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten.

Now, the Missus was never too happy about it. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.

As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin...

TIL the creator of Corn Pops also invented Cocoa Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, and Apple Jacks

His tombstone just says "cereal entrepreneur"

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An homeless man asks a nun...

An homeless man asks a nun on the bus if she would have sex with him. She immediately declines his offer and slaps him in the face.

At the next stop, the nun gets off and heads her way home. The homeless man gets off at the stop immediately after, but as he steps off, the bus driver stops hi...

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In a tiny village lived an old maid.

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a vir...

An Irish woman wants a divorce.

An Irish woman is tired of her husband coming home drunk every night. So she goes to the priest to ask for a divorce, the priest tells her that the Catholic Church does not give divorces. However the priest tells her there is a cemetery between the bar and their house, so she should scare him. <...

A dentist passed away

His tombstone reads: "He filled his last cavity".

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While walking my dog

The other morning while out walking my dog I passed a graveyard, and in it was a man crouched by one of the tombstones.

"Morning!" I called.

"No, I'm taking a shit!" he called back.

When Jerry Seinfeld dies...

I really hope his tombstone says:
*Jerry Seinfeld
1954 yadda yadda yadda 20XX*

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A man is on a bus, and then a hot nun gets on...

The man went up to her and asked her if they could bang, and the nun, who is definitely appalled, immediately gets off at the next stop.

A couple stops later the man goes to the bus driver and asks him, "Hey do you know how you can bang a nun? Particularly the one who got off a couple stops b...

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My favorite jokes.

A hippie walks into a bus and sees a very sexy nun. He walks up to her and says, "Hey there, wanna have sex?" The nun is grossed out and walks out of the bus. As the hippie is about to leave the bus driver calls him over an tells him, "Dude i saw you hitting on the nun. Well just to let you kn...

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.....

They follow the sound to the lake and see Trump drowning.

The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.

Trump asks the boys how he can repay them.

The first boy says, "I want a boat."

The second boy says, "I want a truck."

The third boy says, "I want a n...

After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts,

I went to his funeral. Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.

So I explained:

"It's what he would have wanted"

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The Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the West coast of Ireland lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the village’s only undertaker who also happened to be the local p...

Two Irishmen, who were the best of friends, made a pact.

Two Irishmen, Seamus and Paddy, who were the best of friends, made a pact that when one died the other would pour a bottle of fine, aged, Irish whiskey over the grave of his deceased friend. The years went by and eventually Seamus passed away.

As promised, Paddy purchased a bottle of fine Ir...

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A newly married couple...

are having sex in an old, flat tombstone, cemetery. The next day, the woman complains of back problems and goes to see a doctor. The doctor asks "How old are you?
She replies "27, why?
"No reason, it says on your ass you died in 1798"

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The nun ;) NSFW

A guy boarded a public bus an saw a really hot nun, he was eyeing her up and down through out the ride, thinking of ways to get in her pants. When she was getting off the bus the guy asked for her to come home with him. She said sorry I'm married to the house of god. Once she left the male bus drive...

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Rude joke

I was taken the dog for a walk in the graveyard and seen a bloke bent down behind a tombstone, so respectfully I said "morning"

He replied "no, taking a shit"

My 89 year old Grandpa told me this one tonight... An elderly man bought his wife a Christmas present

An elderly man was trying to figure out what to buy his wife for Christmas. Knowing they already had everything they needed he decided to give his wife a Tombstone. She opened the present and thought. "OOOOKKKAYYYYY.. Sure, Thank you" She thought the gesture was nice and a little weird at the same...

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