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Thumped Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield...

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

It was cold and pouring with rain, but the boy's mother insisted he go to the barn and feed the animals before he could have breakfast.

The boy went out in a dark rage, kicked the chickens, punched the cow and threw water all over the pigs.

When he got back inside his mother was furious.

"How dare you!" she fumed. "I saw what you did! You get no eggs because you kicked the chickens, no milk because you thumped the cow ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck boy ran into his house and announced excitedly:

"I’ve found the girl I’m gonna marry! And she’s a virgin!"


His father thumped his fist on the table angrily. "There’s no way you’re marrying that girl," he yelled. "If she ain’t good enough for her own family, she sure ain’t good enough for ours!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old married couple are sitting on their porch one morning...

...when suddenly the old lady lashes out with her cane and hits her husband on the knee.

"Ow! What'd ya do that for?" He asked.

"That's for 60 years of bad sex!"

He stewed in silence a few moments, rubbing his knee. All of a sudden he took his cane and thumped his wife on her kn...

A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.


One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for anothe...

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