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Teetotal Jokes

What do you call a teetotaling maid?

A dry cleaner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teetotal guy talking to his alcoholic mate.

Him: How many do you drink in a day?

Mate: I don't know, maybe 20.

Him: That's probably about $25. per day, so over 10 days $250.
And over 365 days that's $9,125 per year. So over the course of 20 years, that's $182,500. This could have bought you a luxury yacht.

Mate: Do you...

The teetotal nun

A man is heading into a bar when he is stopped by a nun outside the door. "You know that alcohol is bad for you?" she says. "I am only going in for one" he replies. "Still, that's too many. I'd never do that" she says. "You've never had a drink, ever?" the man asks her. "Never" she answers. "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teetotaling woman walks into a bar dead set on getting people to stop drinking. She sits next to an older gentleman drinking a beer.

The woman asks, "Excuse me, how many beers do you drink per day?"

"Usually about three."

"And how much do you pay for a beer?"

"Including tip? About $5 per beer."

"How long have you been drinking beer?"

"Oh, about twenty years, I guess."

"So, at three beers ...

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