Espresso usually helps to calm my mood

but today I lost my tamper.

Mike Tyson once angrily accused me of tampering with his satsumas.

He said I was taking the pith.

I went to the fertility doctor to get the results from my sperm sample.

Doctor - I have good news and bad news.

Me - Give me the bad news.

Doctor - Your sample was tampered with.

Me - And the good news?

Doctor - It was DELICIOUS!

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

I'm going to apply for the job as Australia's next cricket captain.

I've been ball tampering for years and never got caught.

Babe, are you Cameron Bancroft?

'Cause I want you tampering with my balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Lord

Dear good Lord, please make me dumb,
that I don't go to a concentration camp.
Dear good Lord please make me deaf,
that I don't tamper with the radio.
Dear good Lord please make me blind,
that I think everything is fine:
If I'm deaf and dumb and blind,
I am Adolf’s ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know everyone is tired of the negativity with all the recent events...

I'm negative too. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just can't comprehend how this guy is so successful. How did he win? And to be on the biggest stage in the world now. It doesn't make sense. No one ever thought he was a real contender, but here he is.

With all the scandal, how people think his ...

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