UPJOKE
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Blob Jokes

The blob.

A child in class, when asked to draw a picture of the Holy Family, produced a picture in which Mary and the baby sat on a recognisably donkeyish steed, led by Joseph. on the ground nearby lay a black blob. 

"What is that?" asked the teacher. "The flea," answered the artist. 

"What flea...

An amorphous blob contemplates the existence of God.

People call him playdough.

Three women are driving in a car, until they crash into a tree, and all three of them die and go to heaven.

God explains to the three ladies, that both of them lived good lives, without sin. And he let's then through the gate into heaven, but not before telling them that there's only one rule in heaven:

"Don't step on the ducks" The women are confused at first, until they finally enter heaven, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob and the other is a form of sea life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is that semen?

Three women, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator.




The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says “Ooooohhh that looks like semen.”




She reaches out and touches the blob with her finger...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane crashes in a jungle

and three guys are the only survivors. They have to walk out of the jungle to civilization. While they are walking they hear "Foo Foo" and a big blob of shit lands on one guy's head. He is disgusted and brushes it off. He immediately falls over dead. The other two guys are freaked out, but they hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman is told to write versions numerous.

However he is not allowed to write any digits.

He is told to draw nine. He draws three vertical lines, each with a colored in oval on top.

“What does this mean?”

He responds, “that’s tree and tree and tree. That’s nine.”

He’s then told to draw ninety nine.

He then ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

One big happy family.

My wife and I got married last summer, we were together since we were teens, she was the only person that wanted to be with me, and she was the only one I wanted to be with, other than my best friend ofcource , he’s the only other one I’d spend my time with, and it helped that my friend and my then ...

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