My friend just confessed to me that he had his third nipple surgically removed.

He really needed to get that off his chest.

When two criminals get surgically attached

They are con fused

The doctors surgically removed a Cancer from my wife last week

He was supposed to be a Leo, but she went into labor early.

(This joke is literally true - our due date was July 23 but she went into labor early and we had to have an emergency C-section on July 21st.)

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A man sees his doctor about terrible headaches he has had for most of his adult life.

The doctor isn’t sure what is going on, so arranges a scan. The scan comes back as normal, so the doctor refers the man to a neurologist who is also unable to find a cause though does offer some advice.

“I did meet one man who had similar headaches, the only thing that helped was having his t...

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(NSFW) Did you hear Caitlyn Jenner had her penis surgically reattached, then decided to have it removed once again?

She’s redickless

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I wanted to make my cock longer so I had 5 toes surgically attached.

It still looks the same length but now it feels like a foot!

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My friend just surgically swapped his dick with a doorhandle

Now he wont stop yappin about his brand new knob

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Did you hear about the prostitute who had a vagina surgically implanted on her hip?

She wanted to make a little money on the side.

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NSFW - Did you hear about the little boy who was born without eyelids? They took the skin from his circumcision and surgically attached it to his eyes!

But now the poor kid is cock-eyed.

My father was a conjoined twin. I always referred to his brother as "my uncle on my father's side."

But everythings ok now. They were able to surgically be separated. He's now "my uncle, once removed."

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There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

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Another man with three testicles goes to a doctor and says in a really coarse voice,

"DOCTOR I HAVE AN EXTRA TESTICLE. CAN YOU SURGICALLY REMOVE IT?"

The doctor replies, "Yes I can do that but you will notice some changes after the surgery like that voice of yours might change. Is it okay?"

"YEAH THATS ALL RIGHT"

The operation is successful and the doctor visits...

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A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor because his voice is too deep. Uncomfortably deep. People have problems understanding him over the phone and it interferes with his social life.

He says to the doctor, "DOC, YOU GOTTA HELP ME. WHAT'S CAUSING MY VOICE TO BE LIKE THIS?"

After an examination, th...

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[Long]A man is having terrible headaches

So a man is having terrible headaches. These have been going on for years –and they just keep getting worse. When the headaches strike the poor man can’t work, he can’t sleep, he can’t bare light or sounds or even touch. The poor guy sees doctor after doctor and tries every therapy from yoga to pres...

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Did you hear about that kid born with no eyelids?

They used his foreskin to surgically replace them.

He's a little cock eyed but alright.

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A man sitting at a bar notices another guy taking to his hand

He was holding his hand to his face and talking into it like a cell phone. He tried to ignore it, but after a while his curiosity got the best of him and he decided to investigate.

"Hey man, what are you doing there?" he asked.

"Oh, sorry, I know this must look pretty weird, but I was ...

The Oldest Profession

A lawyer, engineer and physician are debating the oldest profession over drinks.

“Medicine is the oldest," declared the doctor, "because in Genesis God surgically removed Adam's rib to create Eve."

"That's true," agreed the Engineer sitting down her beer, "but even earlier God creat...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. When the bartender brings him the drink he puts his hand to his head as if he's answering a pretend-phone. The man says "Hello? Yeah, okay. No problem," and puts his hand back down.

The bartender says "What the hell was that?"

The m...

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