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Superglue Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate Paul said he superglued his asshole as a dare once

I'm pretty sure he is full of shit

I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic but then I remembered that...

...it’s always going to be okay!

I accidentally gave my wife superglue instead of Chapstick

She's still not talking to me.

I think my wife has been putting superglue on my water gun collection.

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

The other night I superglued my thumb and forefinger together...

Dont worry, everything is ok

I knew a girl who mixed up KY Jelly and superglue

I asked her how it happened but her lips were sealed

I gave my mother superglue instead of her lipstick.

She didn't even complain afterwards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a mega church pastor and a crazed marine carrying a butt plug covered in superglue?

One wants to heal your soul for money.

The other wants to seal your hole for Gunny.

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

What's the difference between superglue, a tuna, and a piano?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan...

...someone is going to be wrong.

It's been three weeks since I put superglue on my friend's pen.

But he still can't let it go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating with superglue

It's hard to pull off

I've been reading the most interesting book on the history of superglue

I just can't put it down ......

My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.

She can’t seem to let it go.

Superglue comes with a warning: "Caution - Instantly bonds skin." But a whole shipment got out with a misprint: "Caution - Instantly bonds kin."

That's how I ended up marrying my first cousin.

I put a padlock on the refrigerator and superglued the key to the bottom of my big toe making it difficult to access the food.

I’m on the Key Toe Diet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Doctor, please prescribe the best medicine for covid-19"

"I'm prescribing Superglue. Apply it on your ass and sit at home."

I left a tube of superglue in my pocket when I did laundry yesterday...

...it was a viscous cycle.

I'm a man trapped in a woman's body

Now I know not to keep the superglue and the lube in the same drawer.

I got my wife an amazing new lipstick that makes you lose weight.

It's called "Superglue".

Honeymoon Night

John and Sally had married yesterday. Today, at breakfast, the whole family shows up except the newlyweds. The aunts are snickering and asking "Huh, I wonder why they're not here...".

John's younger brother speaks up: "Actually, I think I know..." but gets shushed by the family.

At lu...

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