Why are the Rolling Stones always sad?

They can't get no satisfaction.

Why did Microsoft license "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones?

Because their software makes a grown man cry.

What's the difference between a Rolling Stones song and a Scottish farmer?

One goes "Hey you! Get off my cloud"

And the other "Hey Mc'Cloud! Get off my ewe"

Everyone’s heard The Rolling Stones song that says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud”

Less well known is the Irish version, that goes “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe”

I’m in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones.

We’re a rock band.

The rolling stone

So a boulder rolling down a cliff notices a rock rolling down the same cliff and the rock asks- what are you doing? and the bolder says I’m a rolling bolder what are you doing?

And the rock says oh I’m a rolling stone.

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

It's all right to tell jokes about the Rolling Stones.

In fact, it's a gas.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Rolling Stones songs.

I told her - you can't always get what you want.

Styx and The Rolling Stones

I think Styx and The Rolling Stones should’ve toured together

They could’ve called it the Break Your Bones Tour

Why is it appropriate that the Rolling Stones let their song “Start Me Up” be used for a Windows 95 commercial?

Because it contains the lyrics “You’d make a grown man cry.”

What are the Rolling Stones better at than the Bee gees?

Stayin' Alive

Kermit's $30,000 loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patricia looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

The frog says his name is Kermit J...

How would the Rolling Stones have been different if Mick Jagger had been from Scotland instead of England?

Instead of "Hey You, Get Off Of My Cloud," it would have been, "Hey McLeod, Get Off Of My Ewe!"

I wish my parents ran when they heard The Rolling Stones.

Now they're stuck under a pile of rocks.

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During the 60’s Michael Caine hosted some really wild parties. At one such party he had all the coolest people there, taking drugs, drinking and having a crazy time.

‘Alright jim’ he said to Jim Morrisson ‘are you and the boys enjoying the party?’. ‘Yeah its great, man’. ‘Well its going to get better. Ive got a girl in the bedroom who will suck all your dicks’ said Caine ‘Really? That’s great!’ replied Morrisson. So he and the band went into Michael’s bedroom....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

Home Loan Troubles

So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks hi...

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Expensive cars and their radios.

A lady bought a new $130,000 Mercedes-AMG GT car and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she ...

Band Names as Descriptions of Bowel Movements

I haven't seen this game on here before, but it's one of my favorite games to play with friends, and I want to see what you guys come up with!



The way you play is basically in the title: You say the (actual) name of a band/songwriter/musician, and think of the bowel movement it descri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Opporknockity, and a short collection of other terrible music jokes

Mr. Opporknockity is a superb piano tuner. He has spent more than 30 years honing his craft and has made quite a reputation for himself.

He got a call from a guy who had just bought a new grand piano and requested Mr. Opporknockity to come and tune it. Mr. Opporknockity spent more than 3 hour...

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