Rolling Stones Jokes - 24 Hilarious Rolling Stones Jokes

Why do the Rolling Stones need a Realtor?

Because no one moves like Jagger..

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

What's the difference between a Scotsmen and The Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones would yell 'Hey! You! Get offa mah cloud!"

But a Scotsmen would tell 'Hey! McCloud! Get offa mah EWE!'

I haven’t heard of the band: “The Rolling Stones” in a while,

I guess they went downhill

Why are the Rolling Stones always sad?

They can't get no satisfaction.

Why did Microsoft license "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones?

Because their software makes a grown man cry.

Styx and The Rolling Stones

I think Styx and The Rolling Stones should’ve toured together

They could’ve called it the Break Your Bones Tour

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Rolling Stones songs.

I told her - you can't always get what you want.

It's all right to tell jokes about the Rolling Stones.

In fact, it's a gas.

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

I’m in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones.

We’re a rock band.

Everyone’s heard The Rolling Stones song that says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud”

Less well known is the Irish version, that goes “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe”

I wish my parents ran when they heard The Rolling Stones.

Now they're stuck under a pile of rocks.

I remember when The Doors and The Rolling Stones played soccer together.

The final score was Five to One.

Kermit's $30,000 loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patricia looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

The frog says his name is Kermit J...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones going through Heathrow Airport gets pulled aside by the Immigration officer...

"Mr Jagger, have you any illegal substances in your possession currently? Purple Hearts? Acid? Cannabis?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"You got here half an hour before the fucking plane!"

Why is it appropriate that the Rolling Stones let their song “Start Me Up” be used for a Windows 95 commercial?

Because it contains the lyrics “You’d make a grown man cry.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Favorite bands

What’s an ornithologist’s favorite band? The Byrds

What’s a geologist’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones

What’s a herpetologist’s favorite band? The Turtles

What’s a vaccine developer’s favorite band? The Cure

What’s a pyromaniac’s favorite band? Arcade Fire

...

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

Band Names as Descriptions of Bowel Movements

I haven't seen this game on here before, but it's one of my favorite games to play with friends, and I want to see what you guys come up with!

The way you play is basically in the title: You say the (actual) name of a band/songwriter/musician, and think of the bowel movement it descri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During the 60’s Michael Caine hosted some really wild parties. At one such party he had all the coolest people there, taking drugs, drinking and having a crazy time.

‘Alright jim’ he said to Jim Morrisson ‘are you and the boys enjoying the party?’. ‘Yeah its great, man’. ‘Well its going to get better. Ive got a girl in the bedroom who will suck all your dicks’ said Caine ‘Really? That’s great!’ replied Morrisson. So he and the band went into Michael’s bedroom....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Expensive cars and their radios.

A lady bought a new $130,000 Mercedes-AMG GT car and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she ...

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