Why did Steve Jobs die?

Because Apple kept the doctors away.

What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?

iCame, iSaw, iConquered.

If Steve Jobs could see what Apple has become today...

He’d be scrolling in his grave!

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.

Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die.

What was favourite Steve Jobs' burger?

Big Mac

Last words from Steve Jobs to Tim Cook

"When things start going south, when others try to change the way we make our products, when we are perceived as not innovating anymore...
you make a stand!!!"

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

What did Steve Jobs say when he farted?

ifarted

Why couldn’t Steve Jobs see outside his office?

Because he didn’t use Windows.

Damn how I wish I was someone like STEVE JOBS

Dead.

What's the difference between Steve Jobs and a hillbilly?

One has an iPhone and the other has an iReckon.

Steve jobs and Bill Gates colonize Mars. What do they call the planet?

Planet of the Apps.

Before he died, Steve Jobs opened up a children’s hospital named after his daughter, Eve.

It’s called St. Eve Jobs.

After his death, Steve Jobs wakes up in Hell and asks Satan, "Why am I here?"... (It's not in bad taste.)

After his death, Steve Jobs wakes up in Hell and asks Satan, "Why am I here? Certainly I've changed the world for the better through an innovative technological revolution."

"That's quite true," says Satan. "You belong 'upstairs' and I'm only borrowing you for a few days. But see, whenever ne...

Some say Steve Jobs died too young.

Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.

Okay to tell dead Steve Jobs jokes now?

What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.

If Steve jobs invented mac, did he also invent cheese?

(an actual original joke)

Why did Steve Jobs eat all the cookies?

Mac users have no CTRL

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to submit a patent for a gold-plated butt plug, but Steve Jobs beat me to it.

It turns out, he was already making overpriced toys for assholes

[Obligatory edit: top submitted post is about butt plugs. Wowza! Also, thank you, kind Redditor for the gold! I can't believe a gilded joke is about sex toys :)]

Kanye West compares himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney, and Steve Jobs.

Apparently none of them could sing, either.

Steve jobs goes to Heaven..

.. As he steps up to the pearly gates, St. Peter looks at him with a frown on his face, points downwards and says: “You know how we feel about Apples up here.”

Why can't you make fun of Steve Jobs' death?

... Because it's not PC

Steve Jobs and Trump had one thing in common, both hated the PC culture

Political correctness and pancreatic cancer.

If Steve Jobs is in hell..

He probably gotta use the computers he sells.

If Steve Jobs was still alive and a presidential candidate, he would have won the 2016 Election...

But let's not compare Apples to Oranges.

Why did Steve Jobs hate arguments with Bill Gates?

He could never WinThose

Having heard that Steve Jobs is in hospital with only his Ipad to comfort him

I've decided to release the cure for pancreatic cancer into the public domain.

But only in flash.

I lived how Steve Jobs told us to live

"If you live each day as it was your last,… "

And I have no money left!

What would Pirate Steve Jobs wear?

An iPatch! Yarrrr.

Steve Jobs dies and goes to the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks him if he thinks he deserves to go to heaven or hell.

Steve says “definitely heaven - I was responsible for the creation of products that brought joy to millions around the world.”

St. Peter replies “yes that is true, but I’m afraid you have to go to hell.”

Dumfou...

All the hipsters love Steve Jobs

...now that he's underground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We used to have Charlie Pride, Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs & Stevie Wonder

Now we have no Pride, no Hope, no Cash, no Jobs & it's no fucking Wonder

People are always talking about how popular Steve Jobs was..

But I don't think he'll ever be as popular as his brother, Hand.

Steve Jobs dies and goes to Purgatory (Heard this way before he died)

Eventually St. Peter comes to him and lets him know that he's done a lot of good things for the world and caused a lot of trouble, so they're not sure where to put him. He lets him get a tour of heaven and hell and let him decide where he wants to be.

So Steve goes on a tour of heaven and ...

What did they call it when Bart Simpson met Steve Jobs?

iCaramba

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Linus Torvalds walk into a restroom in 2005...

When Bill Gates finishes doing his business, he goes to the sink, washes his hands, pulls 20 paper towels from the dispenser, and dries his hands completely as Steve Jobs walks up.

Bill says "at Microsoft, we like to be thorough."

Steve Jobs washes his hands even cleaner than Bill, th...

Everyone was dreaming of working for Steve Jobs

except his pancreas

Did you know they buried Steve Jobs in an orchard?

Yep. He's still pushing apples.

So, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs walk into a bar...

and I got sued for millions because I used both of their names in the same sentence.

I'm not sure if Steve Jobs got into heaven...

God's a bit touchy about apples...

Steve Jobs said his life flashed before his eyes.

Except Apple doesn't support Flash.

My girl friend likes to FaceTime me when she’s taking a pee.

I don’t think that’s what Steve Jobs had in mind when he was talking about live streaming.

Why is Steve Jobs middle child unemployed?

Because he's always inbetween jobs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three tech owners are sitting in a room together.

The first, the owner of Samsung, says “I call my phones Androids because I named it after my penis, because it’s a machine!”

The second, Steve Jobs, said, “Me too! I named it Apple because girls like to suck my penis like a candied apple!

Bill Gates slowly stood up, and quietly left th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into a bar.

He tips his hat to the bartender and sits at a booth in the corner.

A minute later, a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk in and sit at a table.

Thirty seconds pass and a nun with a bullwhip leads an alligator on a leash to the cowboy’s booth.

Less than a minute goes by and a m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to his doctor who runs some tests and comes back "I'm afraid you have cancer and you only have 6 months to live"

The guy asks "are you sure? Is there anything I can do?

The doctor says "We've run all the tests twice and we're quite certain. However, you might want to go over to UC Berkeley and enroll in Professor Hoffman's CS357 computer science class."

This guy is puzzled "Will that help me li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates wakes up one morning...

...goes downstairs and is shocked to see his two polish housekeepers are nowhere to be seen.

He yells for his wife "Honey, where the hell have the maids gone?"

"Oh, Steve Jobs knocked on the door this morning" Replied his wife. "He offered both the house keepers twice what you're payin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates woke up in the morning and found that his Mexican housekeepers were gone.

He asked his wife Melinda where they went, who replied that Steve Jobs showed up earlier and offered them the same work at his mansion for double their previous wage.
Bill became furious. "Fucking Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

some say bill gates named his company after his penis.

but Steve jobs named his company after the size of his tumor

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