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Bono Jokes

Bono from U2 is the voice of my car's GPS

It sucks. The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
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What's the difference between Jesus and Bono?

Jesus doesn't think he's Bono
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At a U2 concert, Bono started clapping his hands slowly.

At a U2 concert, Bono started clapping his hands slowly, about once every two seconds. The audience started to join in.
And Bono says:

"Every time

Clap*

I clap my hands

Clap*

A child in Africa

Clap*

Dies of hunger"

A guy in the front row ...
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What's the difference between Sonny Bono and George of the Jungle?

George heard "watch out for that tree" more than once.
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Bono walks into a bar in Tijuana.

He has thirteen of his closest friends with him, and he offers to buy the first round. He walks up to the bartender and orders in Spanish. The bartender comes out a bit later and hands out all the beers.

Bono laughs and says, "I love this place. Every time I come here, I order four drinks, an...
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Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.
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Why did Bono fall off the stage?

He got too close to The Edge.
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Bono and Edge walk into the bar and the barman says,

"Oh No, not U2 again.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bono and u2 were performing at a gig in scotland

And as you all will know, bono is a cause celebre for all sorts of charity aid, world peace, ending hunger, heal the world etc that sort of thing. He jets around the world having concerts and all that for the benefit of others and frequently raises this at his concerts.

He begins this concert...

How does Bono spell color?

With or without "u"
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Why does Bono sing acapella when hes feeling down?

It takes the edge off it
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Bono and a Lightbulb

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world.
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What do you say when 2 fans of Bono tell you they love you?

I love you too you two U 2 fans.
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Why does Bono always say ‘I love you’ first?

Because it’s the only time he gets to hear someone say: I love U2
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Bono asked for silence at a gig in Scotland...

In the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the silence: "Well fuckin' stop do...

Bono from U2 says he's given up on alternative search engines like Bing and will just use google from now on.

He still hasn't found what he's looking for
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Aliens may in fact be pro bono proctologists from another planet

Uranus , possibly

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I’ve been searching tirelessly for just ONE reason to prove that Bono isn’t a complete cunt.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

Why didn't Bono sell any wheat bread at his bakery?

Cuz it's all rye, it's all rye, it's all rye.
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I tried to get a lawyer pro bono but found it impossible

Every one I contacted hated U2
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Why is there echo every time Bono sings?

Because he's close to The Edge
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Why does the lawyer hate doing pro-bono work?

Because he fucking hates U2.

I've heard that U2 has never paid legal any legal fees

Their lawyers all work pro-Bono.
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What do you call Bono's stupid brother?

Duno...
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TIL I learned that Bono from U2 holds the record for most private investigators hired to recover a lost heirloom.

To this day he still hasn't found what he's looking for.
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Sonny Bono can't tell you the name of the tiger in The Jungle Book...

But Cher can.
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You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?

He got a little too close to the edge.
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I work as the lead singer in a U2 tribute band that provides free performances for charities and at protests

I'm a pro bono pro Bono
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A man dies and goes to Rock N' Roll Heaven..( semi-long)

Upon arrival he is immersed immediately in all the sights and sounds of everything from classic rock to modern anything you would want to listen to, experience and see in person LIVE that you may of missed during your life on Earth.

He looks over and sees Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Randy Rhodes,...
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Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert?

Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.
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Bono is between songs at a concert in Scotland and goes into his humanitarian pitch...and says, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies of disease or starvation"...

He puts the mic down on the stage and claps once...then stands completely straight up and still. A hush falls over the crowd. You can hear a pin drop.

Five seconds later...he claps again...then stands still. Five seconds later...he claps again and stands solemnly erect. This continues f...

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I was at a U2 concert the other night...

After one of the song's ended, there was complete silence in the arena.



*clap*



*clap*



*clap*



Bono was standing above everyone clapping every few seconds. After about a minute of this he went up to the mic and said, "Every time I clap my han...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

U2 has a concert...

and at the end of one of the songs, Bono takes off his guitar, places it on the ground and slowly walks up to the mic. He asks the crowd to be silent for a moment, the crowd immediately quiets down. After a few seconds, Bono claps. Another couple of seconds pass and Bono claps again. He does this fo...

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven…

St. Peter: It is probably a bit disorienting, but there are a lot of people here you will want to meet.

Chris: Like who?

St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters.

Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? I d...
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My lawyer is a U2 fan

So he was glad to represent them in a court case pro Bono
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When I heard Julian Assange had 2 children with his lawyer while in exile...

I realized this gave new meaning to the words pro bono!
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The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived

One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"

The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."

Then a ...
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My friend who absolutely loves U2 just passed the BAR exam

He says everything he does now will be Pro Bono
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One day a driver say to his pit crew that he's pitting for tyres

But Bono's says no's
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U2 is playing a gig in Glasgow

Midway through the song, the band stops and Bono comes out to the stage, clapping his hands slowly. After a minute he says, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." There is a tremendous silence throughout the venue, until one Glasgow man says, "Well stop fucking clapping you arse!"

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.
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What do you call it when a porn star has sex with a fan, for free.

Pro bono

Why is U-2's lawyer always broke?

All of his cases are pro-Bono
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I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs

But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.
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Did you hear about the lawyer who refused to represent U2 in court?

He didn’t want to work pro-Bono
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A plane runs out of gas mid flight...

While flying over the mountains, a pilot realizes his plane doesn't have enough gas to make it to the nearest airport. The copilot goes to check on the parachutes, while the pilot explains the situation to the passengers- Abraham Lincoln, Bono, George bush and a little boy and girl. The copilot come...
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I don't get why all these people praise lawyers just for being U2 fans

Suddenly they're special for taking on Pro-Bono cases?
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What was U2's lawyer's hourly rate?

Nothing, he was pro-Bono
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TIL U2 got sued over copyright and didn't have money to afford a lawyer. The ACLU stepped in for free and they won the case.

It was pro Bono.
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How do dogs do business?

Pro-bono
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TIFU They say you should NEVER meet your heroes and after today I believe it is true.

So I have seen the YouTube videos of celebrities meeting their fans and some stand outs are Taylor Swift meeting young fans and the emotions of these kids see them crying uncontrollably. I always wanted to meet Sting from the Police or Bono from U2 or Ed Sheeran, I mean how cool would it be. Well to...
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Lawyers must be pretty big fans of the legendary Irish rock band U2.

Almost all of them go on about all the pro-Bono things that they do.
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U2's Ireland shows have sold out.

Expect a ticket through your letterbox any day now courtesy of Bono.
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I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He ...
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A woman walks into a lawyer's office...

A woman walks into a lawyer's office and says, "I want to sue a band. They stole a song I wrote, and I can prove I wrote it."

"I might be able to help you," says the lawyer. "What band was it?"

"U2," she replies.

The lawyer shakes his head and says, "Sorry, ma'am, but I only wor...
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A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer are golfing...

... and they keep getting held up by a twosome in front of them. The two guys can't hit straight, take forever to find their balls, they are terrible, and no amount of yelling at them seems to help. Finally the greenskeeper comes around in his cart so they flag him down.

The greenskeeper sa...
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