Bono and Edge walk into a bar

The barkeep says, "not U2 again"...

Bono walks into a bar in Tijuana.

He has thirteen of his closest friends with him, and he offers to buy the first round. He walks up to the bartender and orders in Spanish. The bartender comes out a bit later and hands out all the beers.

Bono laughs and says, "I love this place. Every time I come here, I order four drinks, an...

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At a U2 concert in Belfast,Ireland

Bono asked the audience for total silence.

Then in the silence he started to clap his hands. Once every few seconds.

Keeping the audience in silence he said into the microphone, “every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”

From the front of the crowd a broad Irish acc...

Bono from U2 says he's given up on alternative search engines like Bing and will just use google from now on.

He still hasn't found what he's looking for

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During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet: "Well fuckin...

Why does Bono always say ‘I love you’ first?

Because it’s the only time he gets to hear someone say: I love U2

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I’ve been searching tirelessly for just ONE reason to prove that Bono isn’t a complete cunt.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

I tried to get a lawyer pro bono but found it impossible

Every one I contacted hated U2

Bono from U2 is the voice of my car's GPS

It sucks. The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Why did Bono fall off the stage?

He got too close to The Edge.

How does Bono spell the word "colour"?

With or without u.

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Aliens may in fact be pro bono proctologists from another planet

Uranus , possibly

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In the middle of a show, Bono starts snapping his fingers. He says: "Every time I do this, an African kid dies"...

A voice from the audience: "Stop snapping, you sick fuck!"

Why does Bono sing acapella when hes feeling down?

It takes the edge off it

TIL I learned that Bono from U2 holds the record for most private investigators hired to recover a lost heirloom.

To this day he still hasn't found what he's looking for.

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At a fundraising concert ....

... performance recently, Bono was trying to emphasize the charity's the need, exhorting the audience to donate, he shouted out ...

"Every time \~*clap\~* I clap my hands \~*clap\~* a starving child in Africa dies \~*clap\~*.


As he paused for effect and continue to \~clap\~clap...

My girlfriend is a big fan of Bono’s music.

Every time I tell her I love her she tells me she loves U2.

What's the difference between Jesus and Bono?

Jesus doesn't think he's Bono

What's the difference between God and Bono?

God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono

Sonny Bono can't tell you the name of the tiger in The Jungle Book...

But Cher can.

Bono heated and cooled his vodka over and over, filtering it to try and get the perfect taste...

But distill hasn't found what he's looking for.

When a roofer works pro bono...

It's on the house

Why didn't Bono sell any wheat bread at his bakery?

Cuz it's all rye, it's all rye, it's all rye.

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Why does the lawyer hate doing pro-bono work?

Because he fucking hates U2.

What do you call Bono's stupid brother?

Duno...

You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?

He got a little too close to the edge.

Bono and a Lightbulb

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world.

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A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

I was U2's bass player in their early days

One night I shoved Bono into our guitar player while he was doing a solo, and after tumbling over him, he got up and stabbed me with his pocketknife.

I thought that was a bit extreme, but guess I shouldn't have pushed him over The Edge.

My friend who absolutely loves U2 just passed the BAR exam

He says everything he does now will be Pro Bono

My lawyer is a U2 fan

So he was glad to represent them in a court case pro Bono

What do you call people who enjoy the band U2?

Pro Bono

When I heard Julian Assange had 2 children with his lawyer while in exile...

I realized this gave new meaning to the words pro bono!

One day a driver say to his pit crew that he's pitting for tyres

But Bono's says no's

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I was at a U2 concert the other night...

After one of the song's ended, there was complete silence in the arena.



*clap*



*clap*



*clap*



Bono was standing above everyone clapping every few seconds. After about a minute of this he went up to the mic and said, "Every time I clap my han...

In Seattle, the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is looking for a musician/philanthropist to support the cause

i.e. a CHAZ Bono

I'm organising a debate to decide which member of U2 is the best.

I'm doing it completely pro bono

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

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What do you call it when a porn star has sex with a fan, for free.

Pro bono

Why is U-2's lawyer always broke?

All of his cases are pro-Bono

Did you hear about the lawyer who refused to represent U2 in court?

He didn’t want to work pro-Bono

A woman walks into a lawyer's office...

A woman walks into a lawyer's office and says, "I want to sue a band. They stole a song I wrote, and I can prove I wrote it."

"I might be able to help you," says the lawyer. "What band was it?"

"U2," she replies.

The lawyer shakes his head and says, "Sorry, ma'am, but I only wor...

The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived

One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"

The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."

Then a ...

A man dies and goes to Rock N' Roll Heaven..( semi-long)

Upon arrival he is immersed immediately in all the sights and sounds of everything from classic rock to modern anything you would want to listen to, experience and see in person LIVE that you may of missed during your life on Earth.

He looks over and sees Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Randy Rhodes,...

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U2 has a concert...

and at the end of one of the songs, Bono takes off his guitar, places it on the ground and slowly walks up to the mic. He asks the crowd to be silent for a moment, the crowd immediately quiets down. After a few seconds, Bono claps. Another couple of seconds pass and Bono claps again. He does this fo...

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven…

St. Peter: It is probably a bit disorienting, but there are a lot of people here you will want to meet.

Chris: Like who?

St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters.

Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? I d...

A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer are golfing...

... and they keep getting held up by a twosome in front of them. The two guys can't hit straight, take forever to find their balls, they are terrible, and no amount of yelling at them seems to help. Finally the greenskeeper comes around in his cart so they flag him down.

The greenskeeper sa...

A plane runs out of gas mid flight...

While flying over the mountains, a pilot realizes his plane doesn't have enough gas to make it to the nearest airport. The copilot goes to check on the parachutes, while the pilot explains the situation to the passengers- Abraham Lincoln, Bono, George bush and a little boy and girl. The copilot come...

I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs

But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.

What was U2's lawyer's hourly rate?

Nothing, he was pro-Bono

I don't get why all these people praise lawyers just for being U2 fans

Suddenly they're special for taking on Pro-Bono cases?

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He ...

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

Lawyers must be pretty big fans of the legendary Irish rock band U2.

Almost all of them go on about all the pro-Bono things that they do.

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Three buddies from high school take a trip to Mexico...

Each of the men has spent their lives productively, and are each at the top of their respective fields, and they've kept in touch over the years. They decide that, to celebrate their twentieth high school graduation anniversary, they're going to go down to Mexico City together and generally live it ...

My favorite Robin Williams joke

U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.

As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappi...

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