What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

Spy intels

A hot Russian spy reported back to her boss: i got the latest classified intels from the general and also captured his son.

Boss replies: excellent! so where's the boy?

'gotta wait another 9 months before you can meet him' says the Russian spy.

I like to copy forum posts from Intel forums to Amd forums. People call me a reposter,

But actually I'm a threadripper.

What did Jesus say when he switched from Intel to AMD?

Do not mourn me for I have Ryzen.

Two Intel operatives are on their way to meet a defector...

Two Spanish intelligence agents get word that a Portuguese agent wants to defect, so they set up a meeting with him. The Chief agent starts to walk into the room, when his partner, Juan Mendoza shouts " No! It's a trap, and pushes the Chief out of the way just before a bullet from the would be detec...

How do Intel workers celebrate and congratulate each other?

They give each other i5's.

My friend told me that he was going to buy a bunch of Intel CPUs.

I told him to stop that non-Zens.

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

I tried to get my mom to switch from AMD to Intel...

...but I couldn't Celeron it.

Since the Intel processors are named i3, i5 and i7...

does that mean Intel can't even?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Campfire stories.

An army ranger, navy seal, and green beret are sitting at a campfire swapping tough guy stories.

The army ranger pipes up by bragging, "One time I had to parachute 4 miles behind enemy lines, take out a platoon of enemy soldiers, and escape with fifty pounds of intel strapped to my back."
...

I Germans and an Italian

At the end of WW2, as the Allies were starting to win, there were 3 prisoners of war held together in a cell. Two were German officers and one an Italian soldier. The men were to be held for questioning.
The first day the Allied soldiers took the first German in to be questioned. The guards sit...

Has anyone heard of the disastrous news about the CPU chip flaws?

seems like bad intel..

CEO Brian Krzanich sold his stock, and it might be considered insider trading...

You could say he had certain Intel about the situation.

This could turn into a total Meltdown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Brit, an American and an Italian are taken PoW

In the last year of the Second World War, the Nazis take a Brit, an American and an Italian as prisoner.
They torture them for information about allied plans. The Brit holds out for a few weeks, but eventually his stiff upper lip is beaten off of him, and he breaks; telling the Nazis everything...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The future of technology (long)

Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (Heads of Microsoft, Intel, and Advanced Micro Devices) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Jerry is sitting. Jerry says, "Oh, that's my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I...

I'm surprised more people didn't know about the NSA spying programs

I mean most of our computers are labelled "Intel"

German spies

During the war, two German spies were sent to London to gather valuable intel. To immerse themselves in the local culture they walk into a local pub and walk up to the bar. The first German says to the barman in an impeccable English accent
"May I have two Martinis please?"
"Dry?" asked the b...

Eevee

A de-evolving Eevee came across a war between the two factions of Eevees: the Flareons, Vaporeons, Jolteons, and Sylveons, and the Umbreons, Espeons, Glaceons, and Leafeons.

Deciding to play both sides, the Eevee snuck into one camp as a Fire type, and managed to gather some information about...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Computer Quotes

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... "
Dan Wineman

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
Seymour Cray (commenting on virtual memory).

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and U...

Three engineers were trying to make smarthome devices (from a friend)

Three engineers and a manager are sitting around some appliances to help make them smarthome compatible.

The first engineer turns his attention to the refrigerator, "We should connect this fridge to the internet and make it tell you when food is going bad, I will need an Intel i7 if we want t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.