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Stayed Jokes

I once stayed up all night trying figure out where the sun went

Then it dawned on me

I stayed in a hotel last week where the towels were so thick....

I could hardly close my suitcase.

John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.

David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out.

The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK. The doctor said, "David, we have good...

a fly stayed on pence's head for a couple of minutes at tonight's debate

at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.

A man walked into a bar … and stayed there my entire childhood

Yes I’m recycling myself. But I’m in therapy now :)

Me and my mates stayed up all night last night telling Yo Mama jokes.

She’s got a great sense of humour. Send my love.

Ive stayed in relationships..

Just to avoid doing dishes!

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.

"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.

"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".

"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

I stayed at my girlfriends family's place durring the Christmas break.

Her father was being a prick and wouldn't let us sleep together, which is a shame, because he is a real good looking guy.

I once stayed over at a hotel. The place is nice, but the room I stayed in is just terrible.

.....You could say that room was not their strongest suite.

The hotel I stayed in recently tried to charge me $10 for using the A/C.

That wasn’t cool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last time I stayed at a hotel I asked the front desk for a wake up call.

She called me twenty minutes later and said, "what the fuck are you doing with your life?"

I stayed up all night waiting for Santa to come...

I finally got tired of waiting so I told him to get up, put his clothes on and leave.

Wife: i'd have stayed single if i'd known how poor you were

Husband: And it was not for lack of warning, cause i always said "You're all i have"

I came from a small town where the population always stayed the same...

Whenever a girl got pregnant, someone left town.

My mom said if I stayed up late then she'd bash my head against my keyboard again

I'm old enough to stay awake for as long as I damn pleahfjjsjjchfigjbrbrje d ffhfhfnfbfbrbrbrdjdjfufhfhdhdbdbrvtjtkykumhkfieuegdgajks38rjbfbfbdejjejekdfnjf

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics

His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.

I stayed up all night trying to think of something that w...

Adam stayed out a late few nights!

After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.


“You’re running around with another woman—admit it!” she demanded.


“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!”


That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest.
...

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the hou...

How do you know a hippie stayed on your couch?

He's still there.

War

A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.”

“Well,” answered the Priest, “That's not a sin.”

“But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed...

I stayed up all night last night trying to remember....

the difference between insomnia and amnesia.

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day.

As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the bir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”...

3 buddies went camping and stayed in a cabin.

The cabin only had one bed so they decided to share it.

The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said “I had a dream I was getting jacked off.”

The guy on the right side of the bed said “that’s weird I had the exact same dream.”

The guy in the middle said ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I heard a priest tell decades ago that for some reason stayed with me

A drunk man is walking home through a graveyard at the end of an evening, and in the dark, he falls into an unfinished grave that's still being dug.

He tries and tries to climb the dirt walls and fails, so he yells and yells for help, but no one is nearby. So finally he lies down and goes to...

You have to admire his hard work. Donald Trump stayed up the entire night studying.

But he still failed the COVID test.

What happened when Sin and Cos stayed out in the sun for too long?

They both became tanned gents!

I just stayed up for 10 days straight

I only sleep at night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the first night my girlfriend and I stayed togather overnight, we made a deal that whoever woke up first had to surprise the other with oral.

I dont understand why she was so pissed when she woke up with my Dick in her mouth.

I stayed up late last night watching a documentary about beavers...

It was the best dam documentary I've seen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 nuns went to a village and stayed a night at a lodging house.

Because it was a small lodging house, there was only one pool where people took a

bath. So the owner told the nuns to take their bath first, then it would be

his turn. But at that time they were busy praying to God, and didn't hear

anything the owner said.

An hour later, ...

During a high school visit to France, I stayed with a French family.

One night, I was unsure what the meat on my dinner plate was, so I pointed to it and asked in my best 11th-grade French: “Qui est-ce?” The family’s expressions told me I needed some tutoring. Instead of asking “What is it?” as I had intended, I’d asked “Who is it?”

Once I stayed up all night tryna find where the sun went

Then it dawned on me.

(Sorry if it looks like a repost I just thought of it and posted it here.)

Thinking about how much weight I've put on over the pandemic, I can't help wishing that I stayed in Britain…

I'd eat pizza every day and I'd just keep losing pounds.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day as they were walking past the hospital pool, Ralph jumps into the deep end and sinks to the bottom and just stayed there..

..Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse became aware of this heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged as now she was considered to be mentally stable. She went to tell Edna the news in person. “Edna, I have good news and b...

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If She Stayed In Italy To Raise The Child, He Would Also Provide Child Support Until The Child Turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for t...

I decided I could go outside as long as I stayed 6 feet away from everyone

So I went for a nice walk through the cemetery

Me and my wife were going to get a divorce. It was due to the kids we stayed together...

Neither of us wanted custody of them!

I stayed up all night to think of a fleshlight joke

But I could never get it to come.

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