UPJOKE
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Lima Jokes

(NSFW) What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I haven’t paid $300 to have a lima bean on my chest

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

An Atheist was in the woods and a bear came after him,

He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"

And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"

The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."

The bear, almost ready to attack, then a...

What did the bean that was green say when the other bean said to him, "You're not a bean!"?

Lima bean!

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor...

A joke my Cousin told to me when I was 5, that I rewrote one day. The Rabi and the Trids (WARNING: LONG)

This is the story of a Rabbi named Steven. Steven was lost in the mountains of Bolivia one day. He had embarked from Lima weeks ago, but his translator had taken a rather nasty tumble and was no longer with him. But the Rabbi continued. He walked forward and up, perhaps being guided by a higher forc...

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