Squatting Jokes - 24 Hilarious Squatting Jokes

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A man is walking through a graveyard when he sees another man squatting next to a grave. "Morning!" he calls out.

"No, just having a shit!"

I've been squatting at the gym.

I sleep in one of the lockers. So far I haven't been busted.

A man walks up to the stage at a stand up night and tells the crowd about his long history of squatting.

After a few seconds of silence, he says “Thank you, I’ll be here all night! Don’t tell the owners though.”

A Man Goes to a Psychiatrist Squatting with His Hands on the Floor

"I think I'm a dog."

"Have a seat on the couch."

"I'm not allowed on the furniture."

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What do you call an Ethiopian squatting to take a shit?

A bragging son of of a bitch.

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I went for an early walk through the cemetery yesterday.

And as I walked I saw a man squatting behind a gravestone. “Morning” I said to him, to which he replied “no, just taking a shit”.

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(NSFW) A pair of nuns are driving through the aussie outback.

A pair of nuns are driving through the night in the outback, in an old beat up Holden ute going from one town to another.
When all of a sudden...
A Vampire lands on the bonnet spreading his Cape while squatting and emitts a loud hiss!
One nun turns to the other,
"Quick Mary! show him yo...

A joke I will always love

In the distant future when interstellar space travel is common place, scientists are traveling through galaxies to find life on other planets. On one planter many light years away, they find a giant granite statue statue of a man in a squatting position. Upon close inspection they find this statue i...

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An American and Japanese engineer meet at an industry conference.

During an industry conference an American Engineer and a Japanese Engineer are assigned the same hotel room. After a few drinks they become competitive and place a bet. Whoever can build the best paper boat would have their tab covered by the other.

They both ask for a piece of paper and make...

Jogging in the forest

A man is taking a jog in the forest. He realizes he is lost after a while and soon sees another man jogging in the forest. The first man asks the second man for directions, and the second man says, "Sure! I have a truck we can take into the city."

The first man agrees, thinking that the secon...

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A guy and a girl are on their third date.

They haven't done anything more than kissing and the guy was getting a little bit desperate for action. So after a movie and some food he suggest they take a drive up the mountain to get a view of the city. (and some privacy before taking her home). Up there in the car they start kissing. He makes a...

Three billionaires are out golfing together

Suddenly, a ringing sound is heard. The first of the three pulls an earpiece out of his pocket and takes a call. When finished, he brags to the others about how fancy it is.

After some time, another phone starts ringing. The second man starts talking seemingly into this air. When asked, he ex...

Why is cream more expensive than milk?

Because the cows hate squatting over the little bottles.

(This was one of Kurt Vonnegut's favorite jokes!)

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Work it out with a pencil

(Trying to fix up a joke that was brewed up this past weekend.)

There's this French guy, squatting by a river, with his pants around his knees, his bare butt hanging over the water. A stranger comes out of the woods, sees this, and notices 2 dangling bits on the French guy.

"Omg! You ...

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Guy meets a blond in a bar

A guy meets a blond in a bar. He chats with her for a while, then she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

While she is gone, a friend of his comes up and tells him that the blond he is talking to is actually a guy dressed like a girl.

The guy has a hard time believing this and deci...

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There were three nuns on a pilgrimage.

They were walking through the desert when they realised that they had run out of food and water however the youngest of the nuns found that she had a small bag of flour.

“Sister,” said the mother superior. “Please urinate in the flour, make a dough and then we may bake it so that we may break...

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A bear and a rabbit

were both squatting down having a shit in the woods, side by side. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Do you ever get shit stuck in your fur?". The rabbit replies, "No, not really". So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his arse with it.

A bunch of homeless people moved in at a local gyn

They heard there was other people squatting there.

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It's an implant...

A business man walks into a bar to order a drink.

After placing his order with the bartender, there comes a cell phone jingle. You know, like the one for an incoming call.

Rather than reaching into his pocket for his phone, he cups his hand against the side of his face instead. To the ...

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Japanese Golfer

Was rereading Harry Potter Book 2 and got to the Japanese Golfer joke line. Googled it. Enjoy, r/Jokes.

An American, a German and a Japanese man are golfing one day and, at the 3rd hole, they hear a phone ring. The American excuses himself, puts his left thumb to his ear, his left pinky finge...

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Four business men go golfing.

An American, a Canadian, a German, and a Japanese businessman go golfing. At the first hole the American is about to tee off when his cell phone rings.

"I'm so important at my job that my company requires me to bring a cell phone wherever I go," he says after hanging up. At the next hole th...

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Dave's shitty luck

There was a man named Dave, and he was going on a hunting trip with his buddies. Luckily he's at the campsite when all of a sudden he gets a bad case of the Hershey squirts. Dave runs to the nearest tree and let's it rip all over the tree. In fact he's there so long he falls asleep. His friends come...

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A man goes out camping.

And as he's driving to the campsite, he gets a text from his friend who set him up with his date, saying that he just found out his blind date might have a cock.

The man starts to think to himself, "How can I find out for sure without my date thinking I'm a creep?" And he thinks about it the ...

It's the 1920s. A German tourist while walking around in New York city's Chinatown, notices a restaurant named "Hans Baumhauer's authentic chop suey"...

He gets curious, and wants to find out more about this German man who has set up a restaurant in the heart of china town.
He asks a very old Chinese man squatting in front of the restaurant, "Do you know this Hans Baumhauer who owns this restaurant?"
"Yes", says the old man, "I am Hans Baumhau...

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