Splatters Jokes

While opening another beer, one guy says "It's crazy how windy it is up here!"
The other answers in slurred speach "Yeah, it's because of all the tall buildings here in the city center. This building is actually a special spot. There are such strong crosswinds here that you can actually jump of... read more

The first general calls up a private from his army and tells him: "Climb that building and leap down from the roof!". With a "Yes sir!", the soldier climbed the building, leapt off and crashed violently on the concrete floor. The second general called up a private from his army and orders him: "Put ... read more

They manage to make it to the roof, but the flames are climbing higher. The volunteer fire department arrives and sees them standing up on the roof. So they grab a huge safety blanket and stretch it out between them. "Jump!" one guy yells. "It's the only way to safety! We'll catch you!"

So th... read more

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
... read more

Two drunks are are in a rooftop bar having an argument about politics, sports, trivia and what ever is on tv. When one drunk looks at the other and says " Did you know that the updraft is so strong between these buildings that if you jump off, it will blow you right back to the top?"

"Bulls... read more

Little Jimmy and his grad dad were driving down the highway when a bug splatters against the window.

Grandpa : You see that Jim! What do you think was the last thing that went though that bugs head when he hit the window?

Jimmy : His ass

He zips up and washes his hand and is about to leave when he sees a man with no arms by the door.

"Hey mate, can you help me out here?" the no armed man says.

Jim grimaces but decides to help the man out. They walk over to a urinal and Jim unzips the man's pants. "Yeah, just take the o... read more

A second man already sits at the bar drinking alone and looking a little lonely so the he goes to sit by him and orders a drink. The second man looks over at him, smiles, and says:
"You know, this bar is in just the right place that if you jump out that open window you'll pop right back up into i... read more