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Slosh Jokes

A man is having a few beers in a bar

and finally decides to call it a night. He calls the bartender over to settle his bill and the bartender says, "I'll cut your tab in half if you give that guy over there a ride home. He can't drive but he lives near here and you'd be doing me a big favor." The man says sure, no problem and gets the ...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Greek are captured by cannibals in Africa.

The chief of the tribe offers to free anyone who succeeds in three tests: drink a ton of wine, pull a thorn from the sacred lion's foot, and have sex with his hundred-year-old grandmother.
They lead the Englishman to the wine hut, he starts drinking but doesn't even get halfway through. The nat...

Farmer Murphy and the Brit

Farmer Murphy is working on his fence when a British tourist startled him by honking his car’s horn.

"I say," asked the Brit "does this road go to the Castle?"

"I do believe it does. Just keep on as you were." Farmer Murphy goes back to his business. About 10 minutes later, the Brit ...

An Englishman in France

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally blasted. A French policeman stops his car and asks if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottl...

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An American and Japanese engineer meet at an industry conference.

During an industry conference an American Engineer and a Japanese Engineer are assigned the same hotel room. After a few drinks they become competitive and place a bet. Whoever can build the best paper boat would have their tab covered by the other.

They both ask for a piece of paper and make...

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A woman approaches a man wearing a velvet suit sitting in a fairly crowded bar.

“Hi, my name is Carmen because I’m into cars and men.” says the woman in a flirtatious tone.

The man, seemingly sloshed, looks at her and says, “Hey I’m BeerPussy, can I get you a drink?”

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A man walks into a bar...

and walks up to the bartender. He says to him "I bet you $20 that I can take my left eye out of its socket, slosh it around my mouth, and then put it back in." The bartender replies, "No way that's a fake eye, you've got a bet." So, the man takes his eye out, sloshes it around, and puts it back in. ...

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots,...

This guy was sitting at a bar....

getting sloshed when in comes a fedora wearing hipster.

As luck would have it the hipster sits next to the drunk. The drunk looks at him and says:

"Sit somewhere else, ya douche-bag!"

The bartender slapped the bar in front of the drunk and said:

"That's not tolerated her...

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A truck driver walks into a bar...

He tells the bartender "give me a whiskey, straight up". The bartender pours him a whiskey, the truck driver takes it, sloshes it around in his mouth, and spits it out on the floor. He asks the bartender for another. The bartender obliges and pours him another whiskey. Once again, the truck driver s...

A priest, a Baptist and a rabbi walk into a bar

A priest, a baptist and a rabbi walk into a bar and start getting sloshed.

They decide that they need to test their faith to see which one is the best. They decide the ultimate challenge is to see if they can convert a bear.

So the next day they all go out into the wood to try and meet...

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Two long time friends decide it’s finally time to go on that hike through the alps they’ve always wanted to

One week into the trek, the first guy starts complaining about his feet, “they’re just so cold!” He says.
His buddy tells him that when his feet are cold he just makes sure that he rubs them bare feet by the fire every night before putting his socks on and going to bed.
His friends thanks him,...

DRINKING BUDDIES

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in I...

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I had no idea I was in Michael Jackson country

A salesman was in Dallas, Texas for the first time. He wandered into a bar & proceeded to down a pretty fair number of straight Jack Daniels in a couple of hours, becoming quite sloshed. Suddenly, he noticed Michael Jackson on a news program on the bar's TV. "There's the biggest horse's ass who ...

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Inebriated Indecency

(Sorry for mobile formatting)
Betty and Barry, a middle-aged couple, went out late one hot Friday night to grab dinner. After they had finished their meal, they sat with drinks and enjoyed dessert. Barry excused himself to the restroom and Betty sat there listening and observed the other patrons ...

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A drunk walks into a bar...

He sits down and sees three darts laying in front of him.

"Wha... What's the the deal with these darts, bartender?"

The bartender tells him they have a promotion going where anybody who gets three bullseye in a row get a prize. The drunk staggers to his feet, takes aim and-miraculous...

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A man in a trench coat walks into a bar on the top floor of a tall building...

He sits at the bar and he orders a double, followed by another, and then another...

Across the bar he notices two gentlemen arguing back and forth about which one of them is the "bravest"...

The man in the trench coat finishes his third drink and sloshes his way over to the two argui...

Fuzzy Green Booger

A woman walks into a pet store one day looking for a pet to buy.

The pet store owner walks up:
"Can I help you find anything?"

The woman replies:
"I'm looking for a companion."

Owner: "How about a dog?"

Woman: "I'm allergic to dogs."

Owner: "How about a cat?...

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A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm.

A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm. She came across a church settled near the top of a mountain far away from civilization, and decided to ask for them to lend hospitality to her. A nun greeted her at the entrance when she approached the church, and lead her inside. There, she was g...

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Going to Hell [Long]

The evil man arrived in Hell and was immediately greeted by his Eternal Assignment Demon. They walked down a dank hallway until they came upon a door. “This is your first option of three for you to serve your eternal damnation. Behold.” The EAD slides the hatch on the door and the evil man (let’s ca...

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An old farmer is drinking his morning coffee when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a stranger standing there with an empty jar in each hand.
“What can I do for ya, feller?” The farmer asked.

“Well, I was just passing by yesterday when I noticed you had some Honeysuckle vines growing on your fence row over there, and I was wondering if you might...

The longest joke in the world

From: http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again....

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