UPJOKE
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Old sailor's joke

So an old salty sailor told me this one, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

There once was a sailor, who got off his ship in a distant land. First thing he does is ask where the nearest brothel is at. Once there he orders his drink, starts talking to the pretty women around, and final...

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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.

A night of tall tales commences.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing....

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Adam and Eve in the garden..

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflec...

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Why should a lonesome man never have the sex with a lemon?

... because of lemonaides!

I just got off my shift working on a drilling rig

that is taking core samples looking for gold. My family is out of town right now, so I came home, showered and decided that I would, all by my lonesome, go trick-or-treating.

I'll be dressed up as an unaccompanied miner.

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If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome...

...I now know why they call me lonesome

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A priest and a nun were hiking to a monastery...

... high up a mountain. Halfway to their destination, a snowstorm slowly started. They discovered an old wooden cabin and decided to take shelter.

Inside there was only one bunk, but also a sleeping bag. So, as a man, the priest decided to let the nun have the bunk while sleeping in the sleep...

What's long and hard on a black guy

His prison sentence

I hope this hasn't been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome

A woman goes to a fortune teller

"Can you read people's futures?" asked the woman.

"Of course dear," said the old fortune teller peering into her crystal ball, "I have predicted many events and have given people their futures accurately. Now, what would you like to know?"

The woman was hesitant and doubtful but asked ...

One day, after striking gold in Alaska...

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.
"We got her," replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second...

A frisky couple are speeding down the highway one day...

The girl takes off all of her clothes and throws them into the backseat. Just as things are getting heated, the guy loses control of his car and they roll over into the ditch. Dazed and bruised, the girl crawls out of the shattered window, and limps around to her boyfriend's side of the car.

...

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A cocky motorcyclist walks into a bar...

A cocky motorcyclist walks into a bar and sees a depressed man all by his lonesome staring at a beer. Nonchalantly, the motorcyclist strides up to the man and quickly drinks the beer, before putting the empty glass down and letting go of a belch. The man bursts into tears, which baffles the motorcyc...

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Voodoo Dick (NSFW)

A husband comes home to his wife and informs her that he has to go out of town for a couple of weeks for business. This being his first time away from home for so long he was worried that his wife may get lonesome and need some intimate attention while he is gone. The next day he goes to the local s...

Three friends were on a desert island

Three friends were on a desert island. They were Roger, a married man, Carl, a famous athlete, and Stevie, the third friend usually alone. One day, while working on their survival, they came across a brass lamp on the ground. They each took turns cleaning it, when all of the sudden a genie came o...

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