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Sneaking Jokes

The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.

Because it's made of hide

I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.

It's ok though, it still saved me money.

Mother Superior gathers all 100 nuns in the chapel.

"I'm afraid we have some bad news," the Mother Superior says. "It appears one of you has been sneaking out and sinning behind the chapel walls."

99 nuns gasp, 1 nun giggles.

"We know this because we found a used condom just outside the gates."

99 nuns gasp, 1 nun giggles.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To determine a rabbit's sex from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy.

If *she* runs, it's a girl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sneaking back in.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “guys.” I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!”



Well, the hours passed and the shots went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in t...

Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that...…

\- I recieved a predeclined credit card in the mail.
\- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
\- Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
\- McDonald's is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
\- Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
\- Moms and Dad's in Beverly Hills let go of ...

Guys I m sneaking into Area 51

They didn't see m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy's sneaking up behind his wife at the beach to give her a wet willy.

At the moment he goes for it, she decides to listen to the ocean in a big snail shell.  Yep.  Conch blocked.

A stalker was caught sneaking into Emma Raducanu's house and also stole her father's boot.

The tennis star chose to downplay the incident but her father is hopping mad .

A burglar is sneaking out of a house...

Waiting outside are two cops. One points a can of pepper spray at the criminal.

"FREEZE IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL USE FORCE!"

The burglar nods, puts his hands up and stands still. After a few seconds, the cop steps forward and touches his arm. Suddenly looking confused and angry, the cop s...

What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?

"Have you bean stalking me?"

Sandy, an 18 year old boy, desperately wants a car.

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. Sandy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, Sandy tells his mo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper...

An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper are perched in a tower overlooking the city of Nancy in France during World War 2. They have been lying down, silently staring down the scopes of their rifles for what surely felt like weeks at that point, and after a few hours of inactivity, the Greek sniper sud...

Do you have a phobia of intruders sneaking into your home?

You're not alone.

What kind of footwear do robbers use for sneaking around?

Probably Nike or Adidas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been sneaking clay, sand and mortar into my housemate's food...

When they find out they'll shit bricks.

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] As a teenager, I liked sneaking into girls rooms and rummaging through their drawers to see what I could find.

Usually it was their vagina

There's a guy sneaking around in grocery stores in my town dropping chunks of dry ice in boxes of cereal.

We're being attacked by a cereal chiller!

: As told by my 5 year old.

The good news about going to the movies with your mom is that she's going to be good at sneaking in food...

the bad news is that it's always going to be a little quinoa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer plays a prank on Easter Sunday by sneaking into the chicken coop and replacing every white egg with a brightly colored one.

Minutes later, the rooster walks in. He spots the colored eggs, then storms out and beats the shit out of the peacock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can still remember playtime at school, A bit of footie, sneaking a quick cigarette & trying to finger girls behind the bike shed.

I fucking miss that caretakers job.

There's a dog walking in the jungle.

Being a dog, he has amazing hearing, and heard a leopard sneaking up on him. He found a bone and starts chewing on it and remarks rather loudly "that was a tasty leopard, I wonder if there's anymore around here!" The leopard, startled by the comment, leaves in a hurry. Meanwhile up in the trees, a m...

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