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Unloading Jokes

A drunk in a bar is unloading on the bartender.

"For 20 long and wonderful years," mused the gent at the bar, "my wife and I were deliriously happy."

"Then what happened?" asked the bartender.

"We met."

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Overheard on two guys unloading a truck the other day

Guy 1: What's the difference between mortar mix and cement mix?

Guy 2: I dunno what?

Guy 1: I wasnt telling a fucking joke I want to know the difference!

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Classic Catholic Joke, “The Son of a Bitch”

I’ve been Catholic all of my life, and this is one of my favorite jokes of all time.

One of the parish priests from the Cathedral went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish & proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the ...

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A man moves out to far west Texas

A man moves out to far west Texas. He is busy at unloading his furniture from the truck he’d rented when he sees a cloud of dust faint on the horizon. After a couple more trips inside it has grown larger, and after about an hour he sees a battered and dusty pickup finally turning up his road, and sp...

After the great flood, Noah begins unloading the ark, and instructs the animals to "go forth and multiply!"

Once most of the exodus has completed, he noticed a pair of adders in the back looking rather distraught. "What's the matter?" he asked them.

"We're only adders, we can't multiply!" said the snakes.

Thinking quickly, Noah dashed off into the forest, and returned a short time later carr...

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There's this old Jewish rag (schmatte) and cloth dealer

who has a regular Gentile customer who likes to poke fun of him and his antiquated ways.

One day the customer calls him up and asks to buy some cloth.

The Jew asks him how much he wants.

"From the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis" the goy says mockingly . "I'm a regula...

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A trucker drives through some industrial estate,

He stops near a warehouse and ten minutes later a prostitute approaches nearby.

"50 and I'll do anything, love."

The trucker stares at her up and down.

"deal, grab the forklift and start unloading the truck."

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Santa slides down the chimney to deliver some presents... (long)

As he's unloading his sack a beautiful young lady saunters into the living room wearing a robe She walks up to Santa and rubs her hand softly down his back.

"Santa, would you like to stay for a bit?" she asks as she playfully opens the top of her robe a bit.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, gotta go, got...

A women was shopping at her local...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce,a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk stand...

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A Russian tourist in NYC doesn't know where to put his trash, finally settling on a side street.

But just as he's about to dump his trash, a police officer pulls up. The tourist tells him that he can't find a place to dump his trash. In return the police officer led the tourist to a beautiful garden with manicured hedges, blooming flowers, and neatly cut grass.

Officer: Here. Dump your t...

An old lady goes to the Airport with her dog in a pet carrier.

She says to the ticket agent, “I am going to Israel with my dog and I want to make sure nothing happens to him. He is very important to me. Please take good care of him and I will reward you with $10,000”. The ticket agent says no problem and takes the pet carrier. She goes to the baggage handlers a...

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

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A man moves out to the country

As he is unloading his moving truck, another vehicle pulls onto his property. A man gets out and says

"Hi, I'm your closest neighbor, I live about a mile down that way. I'm having a party this weekend. It should be a lot of fun, lots of drinking, fighting, and fucking. What do you say?"<...

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A dude is sitting in a public restroom stall, groaning and suffering from constipation...

when he hears another dude rush into another stall, followed by some very loud unloading.

"I'm so jealous of you" said the first dude. The other dude answers,

"Fuck you I haven't pulled down my pants yet."

The fishing trip

So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.

"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."

Of course, the others were...

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A man goes to a cabin in the woods to get away for a while...

He hears a knock on the door after just barely unloading. A burly bearded man was outside.

Neighbor: Just wanted to welcome you to the woods and invite you over for a drink later.

City guy: Sure sounds great

Neighbor: There will be a lot of music

City guy: Sounds like fun...

Engineer and an Academic on a plane

An engineer is getting an 8 hour business flight and next to him sits an academic. The engineer is tired and had a crammed week of line side meetings, design meeting, improvement meetings etc. he just wants to get some sleep as its a night flight and he is back in the office in the morning, so forms...

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Semen

In the year 2020 scientists are trying to come up with an alternative source of fuel. They find out that whale semen works well and is surprisingly cheap. The military here's about this and decides that they could use this for their vehicles, since fuel for tanks is expensive. So they order a few co...

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"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.

While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear,
"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he...

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Dave is playing poker at friends house with a group of mates.

As the game progresses, the urge to unload his bowels becomes overwhelming. Deciding he can't hold on any longer, he runs to the toilet, mid hand, to take a dump.

After unloading a poop King Kong would be proud of, he flushes the toilet, it won't stop going! Filthy poo water starts pouring o...

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One day a man decided that he was going to take up shooting...

So he signed up for a concealed carry license class and got his own weapon. When he was done with the classroom portion, they took the class out to the shooting range to shoot some targets. The instructor told them only to shoot the 3 targets across the range. The man hit all 3 directly in the middl...

Dumping garbage

The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'...

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A businessman breaks down on the side of a country road...

Along his trip to the big city a businessman's car breaks down on a long stretch of country road. As he exits his car he finds no mechanic shops or gas stations along the road and his phone is out of the service area. Luckily a farmer on a tractor stopped by and offered his support.

Farmer: ...

A wife finds a bathtub on her kitchen table.

A wife comes home and finds her husband sitting next to a new bathtub on the kitchen table. Shocked, she asks him where it came from.

“Well,” he says. “I went out today to pick up some tiles for our bathroom. So, I walked around the store, looking for the perfect color, when I saw the perfec...

A Small Collection of US State Jokes

**Georgia**

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,0...

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The cross-eyed mule

A farmer, extremely proud of his mule, often boasted that it could haul anything no matter the weight. As such, he constantly took the largest jobs and charged a hefty price for it.

One day in town he loaded up his largest job yet in his wagon. He hitched up the mule, gave it a switch, and th...

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