Second Best Jokes - 16 Hilarious Second Best Jokes

Russian army was thought to be the second best army in the world...

... It turns out it's only the second best army in Ukraine.

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Did you know that Germany is only second best at recycling

The first place is taken by r/jokes

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my date “Being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed.”

She asked what the best way was and I said “A big dick.”

So she replied “That’s funny.”

I matched with a tinder profile that had no pics.

We chatted a bit. Smart and funny so i asked for a date. She said yes!

I'm not expecting much, probably 400lbs. But she answered the door, this little strawberry blomde with a head full of curls and all the right curves in all the right places. We exchanged our real names and i asked what sh...

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I’m actually the second best fighter In the world.

I know, because I’ve been in hundreds of fights - and came in second in each of those.

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A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pi...

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The best time to start something new was yesterday, the second best time is right now

... unless it's procrastination, that can wait until tomorrow

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Second best gaming joke ever...

Buy the DLC to find out...

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An Old Man Goes In for a Physical...

The doctor concludes his examination and asks the patient if he drinks alcohol.

"I usually have a mimosa in the morning, a glass of wine with dinner, and a can of beer or two before bed."

"Well," says the doctor. "At your age the best thing would be for you to stop drinking entirely."<...

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The Pill... (Semi-NSFW)

It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid getting pregnant.

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A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very old man is being interviewed live.

Interviewer : Sir, you lived all your life in a very remote village. We are eager to know what life was like in a place like this. Can you tell us about a day you remember particularly ? What was the best day of your life ?

Old Man : Well I remember one day we lost the most beautiful goat we...

The doctor had finished his examination of the patient and was ready to give his professional advice. "Quit smoking and drinking, go to bed early every night and get up at the crack of dawn" he said. "That's the best thing for you"

"Frankly Doc" the patient answered, "I don't deserve the best. What's second best?"

Citation: "Our Town" in White Plains, N.Y., Reporter dispatch (Reader' Digest Treasury of Wit and Humour 1958)

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The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.

The second best time was 20 years minus one Planck time ago.

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Good choice.

Me: To make a woman laugh is the second best method to get her to sleep with you.

Her: And what is the best method?

Me: Chloroform.

Her: You are funny!

Me: Good choice.

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A man and a women are on a blinddate

Suddenly the man says: „ You know, I have experienced that humor is the second best method to get someone in bed“
Puzzled she asks him: „ Then what is the best?“
He answers: „ Chloroform“
She chuckles: „You certainly have humor“
He mutters:„Good choice“

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