Seals Jokes - 26 Hilarious Seals Jokes

How do eskimos always know where to find the best Seals?

They use their inuition

upvote

downvote

report

Two baby seals walked into a club

The end

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The navy trains dolphins

An elderly man rear ends a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells. “you’re gonna give me $10,000 right now or I’m gonna beat you to a pulp!”

“Oh my” says the old man, I don't have that ...

I never realized seals were cool

They kinda slap though

upvote

downvote

report

Seals

A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.

While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.

When he returns...

upvote

downvote

report

Baby Seals are some of the best animals to party with!

Until we made the unfortunate decision to go clubbing...

upvote

downvote

report

An oceanarium took out an insurance policy on their trained seals.

One day one of their seals got injured and needed treatment. However, the insurance company rejected their claim.
The reason was: "Warranty void if seal is broken."

upvote

downvote

report

Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?

Because they don't have pockets.

upvote

downvote

report

I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial?

I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?

upvote

downvote

report

Why do Navy SEALs fall backwards off of their boats?

Because if they fell forwards they'd still be on the boat!

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat dicks?"

[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]

Why do seals swim in salt water?

Because if they swam in pepper water they'd do nothing but sneeze all day

upvote

downvote

report

All seals live at the same elevation

Seal level

upvote

downvote

report

What do seals do when they need medical attention?

Sea kelp

upvote

downvote

report

Did you know that seals can't hear bass?

It's true - the seal hearing range bottoms out at 1000 Hertz.

No wonder they don't like clubbing.

upvote

downvote

report

You know, I thought about joining the Navy SEALs when I was younger.

Then I heard people were clubbing new ones and I wimped out.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

upvote

downvote

report

I got a job tending to baby seals once.

I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!

upvote

downvote

report

What's a baby seals' least favourite drink?

Canadian Club on the Rocks

upvote

downvote

report

A thousand baby seals walk into a club.

The Inuit are happy with a good season this year.

upvote

downvote

report

Why are seals such homebodies?

Because clubbing isn't any fun.

upvote

downvote

report

I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.

But she wasn't really Inuit.

upvote

downvote

report

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

upvote

downvote

report

The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.

It was very carefully orca-strated.

upvote

downvote

report

Why are Navy galas always held near the ocean?

Because Seals LOVE beach balls!

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.