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Seals Jokes

How do eskimos always know where to find the best Seals?

They use their inuition

Two baby seals walked into a club

The end

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The navy trains dolphins

An elderly man rear ends a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells. “you’re gonna give me $10,000 right now or I’m gonna beat you to a pulp!”

“Oh my” says the old man, I don't have that ...

I never realized seals were cool

They kinda slap though

Seals

A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.

While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.

When he returns...

Baby Seals are some of the best animals to party with!

Until we made the unfortunate decision to go clubbing...

An oceanarium took out an insurance policy on their trained seals.

One day one of their seals got injured and needed treatment. However, the insurance company rejected their claim.
The reason was: "Warranty void if seal is broken."

Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?

Because they don't have pockets.

I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial?

I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?

Why do Navy SEALs fall backwards off of their boats?

Because if they fell forwards they'd still be on the boat!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat dicks?"

[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]

Why do seals swim in salt water?

Because if they swam in pepper water they'd do nothing but sneeze all day

All seals live at the same elevation

Seal level

What do seals do when they need medical attention?

Sea kelp

Did you know that seals can't hear bass?

It's true - the seal hearing range bottoms out at 1000 Hertz.

No wonder they don't like clubbing.

You know, I thought about joining the Navy SEALs when I was younger.

Then I heard people were clubbing new ones and I wimped out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

I got a job tending to baby seals once.

I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!

What's a baby seals' least favourite drink?

Canadian Club on the Rocks

A thousand baby seals walk into a club.

The Inuit are happy with a good season this year.

Why are seals such homebodies?

Because clubbing isn't any fun.

I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.

But she wasn't really Inuit.

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.

It was very carefully orca-strated.

Why are Navy galas always held near the ocean?

Because Seals LOVE beach balls!

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