Scrambled Eggs

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My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

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Children wake up in the morning to find a strange man in their kitchen making some scrambled eggs...

They ask him: "Are you our new baby sitter?"

The guy replies: "No, I'm your new mother fucker."

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I read that 18th century scrambled eggs called for a quarter pound of butter

That recipe sure had a pretty large margarine of error.

Would you like scrambled eggs?

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I decided to have scrambled eggs this morning...

Immediately after thinking "I'll just flip this omelette."

Children are like scrambled eggs.

They are only good when properly beaten.

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

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How to make scrambled eggs

Step 1: Find omelette recipe

Step 2: Follow omelette recipe until folding step

Step 3: Try to fold the omelette in the pan

Step 4: Fuck it up because how the fuck do you even do that

Step 5: Enjoy scrambled eggs

I have been a vegan for my whole life, but after my friends kept urging me to eat scrambled eggs, i finally did.

Tbh it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

I've never made scrambled eggs before

but I thought I'd wisk it.

My wife asked me if I was good at making scrambled eggs.

"Yes," I replied, "I worked at an abortion clinic for a while."

Teacher: You should wash your face in the morning

"I can tell what you had for breakfast. You ate scrambled eggs"

Student; "Haha, you're wrong, sir. I ate eggs yesterday".

My step sis asked me to bring her something hard to write on...

Idk why she's so mad, it's really hard to write on scrambled eggs.

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A Four-year-old boy and his dad sit at the kitchen table.

It's Sunday morning and mom just made breakfast. On the table is french toast covered in butter and doused with their favorite maple syrup. There are four slices of bacon on each plate and an overwhelming amount of scrambled eggs. A tall glass of orange juice demands their attention. The boy and his...

Youth Slang

Kids are always coming up with the strangest slang. Remember "on fleek" or when "dank" stopped meaning dingy?

I was working as a counselor at a summer camp one year. The kids came up with a new one and proceeded to absolutely run it into the ground. One day in the cafeteria, one of the ner...

A vacuum salesman knocked on a newly built home

A lady opened the door. The salesman rushed into the home and threw rotten scrambled eggs, fries and hot dogs on the carpet floor. Before the lady said anything, the salesman said "Mam, the vacuum i have is the best in business. I'll vacuum every single thing and also ensure there is no odor. If i f...

Walter and Agnes have been married for 50 years.

They’ve had a beautiful life together, but as they’ve gotten older, they’ve become more forgetful. Walter even went to play a round of golf the other day and forgot his clubs!

Agnes decided it was time to go to the doctor and see if anything could be done about their memory problems. The doct...

Memory loss (Long)

A man and his wife are growing older, and the doctor tells them their memory isn't that great. He tells them they should start writing things down to remember better. At home, the wife asks for a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. She tells her husband to write it down, to which he responds that ...

An old couple had trouble remembering anything

An old couple, Agnes and Fred, had trouble remembering anything.

During a checkup, the doctor tells the couple they are okay physically but should repeat everything to one another to help them remember things.

One night, Fred offered to make a bowl of ice cream for Agnes while they wer...

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What is the difference between cunnilingus during a woman's period and breakfast?

The way the scrambled eggs taste.

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Every time a bird shits on my car.

I eat scrambled eggs on my porch to show them ass holes what I’m capable of.

Old farmer Joe is checking on his chickens

He notices that one of his chickens, Betty, is producing more eggs than any other chicken on the farm. What’s even more interesting is that they all look identical: same little freckle on the top, same patterns, even exactly the same colour! “This really is unusual,” he exclaims, and decides to inve...

A man and a woman are laying in bed

They are both senior citizens and have begun losing their memory.

One day they went to the doctor to ask if they can remedy their memory loss in any way and the doctor said that no medication could help so the best thing they can start doing is writing things down to help them remember.
...

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My friend is into necrophilia, pedophilia and beastiality.

It’s not as bad as it sounds, he just fucks scrambled eggs.

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A man enters a restaurant in a foreign country...

...he doesn't speak the language, but he tries to order breakfast anyway. He makes a slicing motion, then moves his finger like he is spreading butter on a slice of toast. The server understands this and notes it down.

He then clucks like a chicken and pretends to crack and beat an egg. The s...

Memory Problems

An old husband and his wife were sitting in a doctor’s office to get help for their failing memory. “Maybe you should each do something special for for the other and then talk about it. That way, it will help cement it better in your minds.” The old couple thanked the doctor and went home.

Wh...

What do you call this?

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Scrambled eggs.

What do Vegans and Pro-Lifers have in common? [NSFW]

They both hate scrambled eggs

When i was young, i used to come home from school,

I would open the front door and get hit in the face by eggs and bacon, as i passed frontroom door pizza would fly out at me, go to the bathroom and scrambled egg on toast would fly from the closet, we literally did not know where the next meal was coming from!

-I believe i ...

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What does a guy with a big dick eat for breakfast?

Well, this morning I had scrambled eggs, hash browns, a side of bacon, a glass of milk...

Old couple goes to the doctor's about memory problems.

They say, "We always seem to forget even the most mundane things. It's really starting to interfere with our lives."
The Doctor says, "I know this sounds obvious, but why not try writing things down on a little piece of paper so you remember them?"

They try this for a week and it works per...

Had a friend I haven’t seen in a long time visit this past weekend.

We were old college buddies and went our separate ways after school, but still kept in touch and met up when we could. Life got in the way and we never had a chance to catch up until this last weekend. We spent a good deal the day before just hanging out and going over the old times until we decided...

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What is a tampon's favorite food?

Scrambled egg

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