C major (one of the popular scales) is chatting with a fellow partygoer when D major walks in.

C major is a friend, so she decides to pay her a compliment.

"You look sharp!", she says.

"Thanks! I love the natural look!"

At this, the lady scale she was chatting with leaves, flustered.

"Who was that?", D major asks, confused.

"Oh, Just Bb major. Can't take a j...

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I?

Ugly!

Nun on the scale

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down, waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself, "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me."

She went over to the machine and...

You want to know why I have a sheep skull on my bathroom scales?

Weigh a head of ewe.

Q: why are reptiles so good at playing the piano??

A: because they really know their scales!!

I got one of those talking bathroom scales that is supposed to read your weight to you

But when I step on it, it says "One at a time, please!"

Jim and Joe are sitting at a bar drinking and jim asks where is John? Joe says John is missing . What happened asks Jim . Well joe says

John forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway pointed to the ground and said., I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning.
Fine says Jim but that doesn't explain where John is.
Well cont...

Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. Hell, I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.

Who knew hair weighed so much?!

My dad said It was Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit and Anders Celsius to create the terms used for thermometer scales

I replied: Don't you think it's egocentric to name everything after yourself?
He said: well, to be fair they both worked hard for their degrees!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just took the manure truck across the scales

It weighed a shit ton

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

The Two Drunkards

Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree, they start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a life time missing the target, one says to the other, ''Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take...

Why is weighing snakes so easy?

Because they come with their own scales.

What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

An old pianist is playing some scales when he suddenly gets a heart attack and instantly dies.

Well, at least his life ended on a high note.

My wife caught me standing on the scales, sucking in my stomach

“Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.


“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.

While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan.

Right before they’re about to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers. During the distraction, they would be able to escape.

The brunette is first. As she hears ...

I'm not using my faulty bathroom scales again.

I’ve seen the error of my weighs.

What do you call an alligator without scales, tail, limbs or teeth?

A nothingator.

~ 4 yr. old nephew came up with it

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