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Foliage Jokes

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would n...

Spring is here, and the trees are getting their foliage back.

What a releaf!

What is it called when a large piece of foliage is the same on both sides?

Symmetree.

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Do you know the story about the salmon in the mountain lake?

Imagine. A snow topped mountain, evergreen forests, clear blue skies, a beautiful lake reflecting the light of the sun.



Well in that lake, there was a salmon. Above the salmon a fly was buzzing around.


The salmon thinks: "if that fly flies ten centimeters lower, I can catc...

A few years ago my wife asked me if I'd seen the news story about a Moose walking into a lobby in Alaska. It sounded so much the first line of a joke that I figured I had to come up with something...

A moose walks into a hotel lobby in Alaska and starts eating the plants.

The hotel manager comes over and says, "Juneau, it's illegal to eat the foliage, don't you?"

The Moose looks at him calmly, still chewing, and says, "Nome, Nome, Nome."

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Little Red Riding Hood sets out to go visit her grandmother, who lives in another village

As she's walking on the forest road, she sees the big, bad wolf hiding behind a shrub. She stops and says:

\-My, what big red eyes you have!

The wolf looks at her and leaves without saying a word, disappearing in the dense forest. Little red riding hood continues walking on the same fo...

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The three hunters story

This is a joke my grandfather used to tell. He just passed away so I thought I'd share it here.

Three friends decided to take a hunting trip. The first friend was a genius and succeeded at everything he tried. The second friend was an average Joe and got through life just fine. The third fri...

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Appolcolypse

A zombie apocalypse had enveloped the earth. 99.9% of the world’s population had been annihilated and Carl, lone survivor, was venturing the land looking for somewhere to take shelter.

One day, he came across a prison. The place was full of people armed with swords, spears, axes and all kin...

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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.

They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and...

Where did the farmer find his missing baby horse?

In the foliage.

Three people in the Amazon forest get caught by a tribe...

They were being held by the tribesmen outside the village. The head tribesman who speaks English tells them, "You have trespassed into our territory. As we are a considerate folk, you have the option to choose either Jhingalala for a minute or Death. You can give me your choice when you are summoned...

Vietnam veteran's hilarious true story

A bunch of US soldiers were marching across a field. One of the guys says to his buddy, "Hey, do you see where we are?" He looks around and realizes they are walking through a massive field of marijuana. The soldiers started breaking off plants and stuffing them into their clothes and their helmets,...

A foot model was on his way to a competition whilst walking through a forest...

...He passed by a lumberjack who accidentally let go of his axe and ended up dismembering one of the model's precious digits.

Thinking quickly the lumberjack bandaged up the model's foot with some nearby foliage and helped the model limp to his event.

When they got there the on site do...

You think das ist a long time?

Obama, Putin and Merkel meet in Hamburg for a private summit, and Merkel decides to break the ice with a nice walk around the lake (Alster).


Obama, admiring the foliage, says "you know, in the States, we have forests so vast, that some military training exercises last as long as 2 years."...

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Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S.

They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. In short time, they become lost amongst the sand, praying for any sign of civilization. They spend days out there, and are on the verge of death from heat and starvation.

When suddenly, a shining oasis appears before them. The water is crysta...

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