There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women

But it was all just Hera-say

Did you hear about the rumours about Iraq?

I heard they are going to invade America in order to install democracy there.

My friend is spreading rumours about me being schizophrenic.

Well, three can play that game!

Why should you never tell rumours to Pi ?

Because they will go on and on and on.

There are rumours that the reason I'm leaving the company is because I was fired for breaking the windshield of my boss's Honda car...

the truth is... It's of my own Accord

I though someone was spreading malignant rumours about me...

Turns out my doctor just has messy handwriting.

I heard a rumour about the Canadian Prime Minister

Not sure if it’s Trudeau.

Update 1: There are some rumours that are Justin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our local priest is very popular amongst the community but there are rumours that he's a paedophile.

That's a minor issue.

A DEA agent drives out to a farm to investigate rumours they are growing marijuana.

He approaches the farmer and shows him his warrant explaining that he will be searching the property.

Farmer: Okay, do what you gotta do. Just don't cross that fence over there.

Agent: See this warrant? It says i go where I want to. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Farmer: Do what you got...

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

Welsh joke *long*

This was told to me 35 years ago by Boyd Clack (google him for his works)

Small welsh village and the local vicar has been told that his sermon this week needs to be about the doctrine of the Church of Wales as there had been lots of rumours about the village of ghost sightings.

"and m...

Rumours suggest Usain Bolt has been cheating on his wife. I'm amazed she hasn't caught him.

Then I remembered that he can finish in 9.58 seconds.

Rumours of a food shortage.....

Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

Philip Schofield set to leave ITV..

Rumours say it’s because he now prefers BBC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Rumours started that the devil has been spotted in a hidden cave somewhere in Africa...

...The interest in these rumours rose and attracted the attention of USA, China and Russia. They sent their best spies to investigate the case. Months passed until they found the secret entrance to the cave. Surprisingly, the devil was expecting them. He acted as he admired their courage to face him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly-wed couple goes to Jamaica for their honeymoon...

A few days before the wedding, the husband got his fiancee's name, Wendy, tattooed on his dick as a surprise on their trip. When soft it only shows "WY"

One day, the husband needs to take a piss before leaving a restaurant.

As he's pissing, a local black man walks in to piss as well, ...

Naming the new royal baby

Rumours were that Harry and Meghan we going to name the child “Seatbelt”

When questioned about this, Prince Harry responded with “Its what my mum would have wanted”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The police knocked on the door of a small Appalachian farmhouse.

"Good evening sir. We have received a report that you have been distilling illegal moonshine!"

"Me?! Moonshining?! That is a god damn lie! Never have I been so insulted in my entire life! I've never done anything like that! These are evil rumours that somebody has spread! - And I'll tell you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] Voodoo Dick (Long)

Lucia popped into her local South American produce shop on the way home from work (it was enchilada night). While browsing she got a call from her bff Natalie and spent some time talking about the recent divorce, and her lack of sex life. Shortly after hanging up, she was approached by the store cle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys and a witch....

In a small village there is a long standing rumour that the nearby woods was inhabited by a witch, several missing people and some strange smoke from a seemingly abandoned hut had fuel the rumours for years.
One day three local men decided enough was enough and made way to the woods for a few day...

A group of Nuns opened a Flower Shop.

The Nuns started selling small bouquets, and after some success moved on to larger arrangements. Their business grew enough that they were eventually the only place in a ten kilometer radius to sell flowers; and gathered a monopoly on the market.
One day, a couple of Friars opened another green...

Don't beat me!!!

Rumours in a small mid-west town began to circle that a boy was getting a hard time at home and his parents would beat him regularily. Child Support officers intevened and took the boy in to their care. After several hours of consoling the boy, he began to open up.

Officer: Do you want to li...

A long time ago, a spanish civilization was extremely advanced in technology.

In fact, their technology was so advanced in their current time period that they were thought to be using magic. While others built their shelters out of sticks, they built their shelters out of adobe bricks. While others cooked with fire pits, they cooked with electric stoves. While others fought w...

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