UPJOKE
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Rover Jokes

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?

They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

the Mars rover used to be coded in C

Now it's coated in Rust.

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Two flat tyres...

I forgot to zip up my trouser.

So a lady told me politely, "Sir, your garage is open".

I gave her a naughty smile as I zipped up and asked, "Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?".

She smiled back and said, "No, just one small Toyota with two flat tyres".

Mars rover

After an almost succesful retrieval of the Mars rover, upon re-entry, the rover overheated and exploded. Debrus landed in an urban environment. There was one casualty.

Curiosity killed the cat

In all my years working at the Land Rover factory...

I made several discoveries

Where do Alfa Romeo owners go to meet Land Rover owners?

The bus!

I found a Land Rover whilst metal detecting today

It was a lovely discovery

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A young man visits his girlfriend's parents for the first time...

He and his girlfriend's father are sitting in the living room while the girls make dinner. At the foot of the boyfriend's chair lies the family dog, Rover. After a few minutes, the young man feels the uge to fart. Unable to hold it in, he attempts to let it out silently, but it comes out audible. ...

Alliance Motors are saying that the latest Range Rover is a Marvel.

DC must be jealous.

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

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a man meets his fiancée's father (not OC but my father's favourite joke)

A man is invited to meet his fiancée’s father for the very first time and is understandably nervous.
Unfortunately, he is also a little gassy from some food the night before.
He is sitting in the living room, right next to the dog and directly across from his future father-in-law, when sudde...

The Mars rover has detected the first signs of life on Mars.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'

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A guy goes over to his new girlfriends house for dinner with her family. Unfortunately he has severe gas...

He is fighting to hold it in while they all eat.
Unable to hold it in anymore he lets out a fart and the grandma shouts “Rover!” He realizes the dog is sitting next to him and is relieved that the dog is being blamed. So naturally he lets out another one and this time the father shouts “Rover!” ...

The definition of stupidity is When you have a Land Rover, a Land Cruiser....

But still have a Landlord.....

An old pub had a dog called Rover

An old pub had a dog called Rover, who all the patrons loved. Unfortunately, one day Rover passed away. To honour the passing of their beloved dog, they cut off his tail and pinned it above the fireplace.

With this, Rover went up to doggy heaven where he was met at the pearly white gates by S...

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a range rover

The hedgehog has pricks on the outside.

We should have sent the Opportunity rover to Iraq

since its original mission was supposed to be 3 months but then it kept going for 14 years for no good reason

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

Rover!

So this Steve is meeting his girl's father over dinner for the first time. Trouble is, Steve has really bad gas. So everything's going well: the food tastes nice, the father really seems to like him, and the the dog is eating the crumbs that fall under the table. But eventually, Steve lets one rip. ...

Did you hear about the guy who had a crash in his land rover autobiography?

They say the car wrote itself off

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...

NASA has said that an engineers pet was crushed during Mars Rover testing

Turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

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A guy and his dog go into a bar...

...and the guy sits down at the bar.
He orders a beer and drinks it, then orders another. The dog sits patiently at his feet. When it comes time for the guy to pay, he looks the barman in the eye and says, "I'm afraid I don't have any money."
The barman is about to kick this joker's ass when...

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Working at a Land Rover factory is so interesting

I make a new Discovery every day

NASA is planning another rover for Mars in 2020

They should call it Hindsight

A Mars rover barged into my house. I knew it was Spirit

because Opportunity knocks.

Celebrations were held at NASA today

After the Curiosity rover had discovered feline life on the Planet Mars


Celebrations were wild and rampant until the rover made an unexpected turn and ran over the creature.


A NASA employee was heard saying "Turns out Curiosity Killed the cat"

I want to pay respects to the Mars Rover that NASA lost contact with.

It's a missed Opportunity.

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

What do you call it when you get your Mars rover stuck in a crater?

A fourth world problem.

Two golfers are having a conversation in the clubhouse.

They are discussing the possibility of there being water on Mars. Things are getting heated.

The first golfer says, "There's definitely water on Mars!" He proceeds to rattle off information from NASA and recent observations from the Mars rover.

The second golfer exclaims, "That's BS. T...

We've sent multiple rovers too mars but mars hasn't sent any back.

It's about time we play red rover with another planet

So apparently Curiosity, a Mars rover, found something resembling a mouse...

If Mars is suffering from a mouse infestation it's probably because Curiosity killed the cat.

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A rich man and his butler discuss what they’re getting their wives for Valentine’s Day

The butler asks the rich man, “what are you getting your wife?”

The man says,”I’m going to get her a Range Rover and a pair of diamond earrings!”

The butler was impressed but asked, “why two gifts for your wife, sir?”

“So she can wear her diamond earrings while driving her Range...

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One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

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The sheep Farmer

A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but...

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This is something my dad told me.

A man was going to meet his girlfriend’s dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little fart out, no one noticed so he was like “neat” then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted “Rover!”, the man snickered and thought “they think it’s the dog farting” s...

Having puppies

**Three dogs are at the vet's. Talking dog talk.**

Rover, "Why are you guys here?"

Sparky, "I been peeing all over the house. I'm going to get my nuts cut off." Ruff.

Barky, "I growl at everything. I'm going to get my nuts cut off. Ruff.

How about you Rover?"

Rover...

What do you name a pro-choice dog?

Rover Wade

What's the difference between a British SUV and a Libertarian?

One's a Land Rover and the other's a Rand Lover

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Bad Doggo! No Biscuit!

A guy is meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time at their place for dinner. After dinner, he starts getting some bad gas pain. Luckily, the family dog is sitting right next to him.

Taking a risk, he thinks to himself, "I’ll let a little one fly and see what happens."

A few...

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Crap

A young man went to a house to pick up his blind date. The girl wasn't quite ready, so her father invited the lad to sit on the couch and wait. Dad sat in his easy chair and proceeded to read his newspaper, while the family dog, Rover, jumped onto the couch and sniffed out the stranger.

S...

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A vicar goes to an blind lady’s house for a cup of tea...

...and her guide dog sits under his chair
He had had sprouts the night before so was full of wind and he let out a fart
“Rover!!” The blind lady shouts, as if to chastise her dog
He thinks to himself “this is great, I can blame the dog on my wind!” And lets out another fart
“Rover!!!!!” ...

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog.

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog. They decided to settle the issue by getting all the dogs together and seeing whose could perform the most impressive feat.
"Okay, Rover," ordered the architect, and Rover trotted to a table and in four minutes cons...

Bachelor shopping

A man, enjoying bachelorhood while his wife was away visiting her parents, lived like a typical bachelor, living on whatever was in the pantry.

Cauliflower in the fridge? Fry them with the eggs found there and that's lunch and dinner. Don't want to cook? Open up the cans of soup in the pantry...

Jeremy Clarkson on the farm.

After a disastrous first year on the farm Jeremy Clarkson hatches a new plan and gets ten sows and a hog to make lots of piglets.
He calls the vet and asks for any help and what to look for. The old vet tells him if the hog has been successful the sows will be asleep on their backs with all for ...

What do you call a dog who can't swim?

A land rover

The medical term for owning too many dogs....

Rover Dose.

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Cop's first day

Determined to do well on his first day on the job, a rookie cop is out on his beat at 6am. The first person he sees on the street is an old man walking a brick on a leash. He thinks this man must be a bit slow so decides to be as friendly as he can.
Cop: Good morning.
Man: Morning
Cop: That...

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An odd funeral...

A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual funeral procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is...

I was nearly at the freeway entrance...

... when I suddenly remembered that since I had the SUV today, I was stuck with dropping our Great Dane off at the vets that morning. A screeching u-turn, more than a few rolling stops and made it back in record time. Bursting into the house, I tore from room to room, calling for the dog. Throwing ...

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A Boy Meets His Girlfriend's Dad for the First Time...

A boy, named Jimmy, is meeting his girlfriend's family for the first time. He especially wants to impress the father.

He ends up sitting on the porch with the father and the family dog, Rover, with the pooch sitting under his chair. The conversation carries on for a little bit until it dies d...

A young man picked up his date from her apartment one evening for a fancy date

To try to make it fancier, The gentleman brought his brand new land Rover Defender to pick her up. The young lady was impressed by the classic SUV as her dad used to own an old one, much to the delight of the young man, he then proceeded to discuss all it's features in comparison to the older models...

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I saw a fellow on the street begging for change.

After two hours, he got up, walked down some quiet street and hopped into his Range Rover. I pursued him. I tapped on the window before he drove off.

"I saw what you were doing," I told him. "Taking advantage of naïve people and stealing their hard-earned money."

"Yea," he replied. "An...

What's the difference between a Tesla and a porcupine?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

[If you own a Tesla, please substitute "Range Rover" or whatever other brand makes you feel better.]

a man meet his friend

sitting on a rock in the middle of his living room. as they're carrying it outside the man says :

\- man why was that rock here ?

\- because of the genie in this bottle

\- a genie ?!

he takes the bottle and a genie gets out and says :

\- i can grant you one wish...

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

What do you call an abundance of dogs?

A rover load.

Courtesy of my wife.

What do you call a car with OCD?

Arrange Rover

Scientists at NASA

Scientists at NASA reported today that they had discovered feline life on Mars. Unfortunately, the Mars rover that discovered the specimen also ran over it just minutes later. Said one scientist "We were all really excited until Curiosity killed the cat."

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Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

Donald trump was spotted picking up rocks on the White House lawn...

He would walk a few feet, bend over and pick up a rock. His refusal to talk to anyone worried his aides, and they ran around trying to find out what was going on. The doctors couldn't make sense of it, the secret service didn't understand and even his most trusted advisors couldn't get through to hi...

A man walks into a talent scout's office...

... with his dog on a leash. He says to the talent scout, "this is Rover, my talking dog. He's going to make us rich!"

Skeptical, the talent scout says "oh yeah? Prove it."

"not a problem" says the man. "Rover, what is the texture of sandpaper?"

"Ruff!" replies the dog.
<...

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The Geordie Salesman

A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked him, "Do you have any sales experience?"

"Aye," he replied, "I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."

The manager liked him, so said he would give him a try.

The first day was difficul...

69 years ago

69 years ago both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.

Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and

Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen

Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still try...

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New job

A salesman decides to try for a new job in a department store.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The man, "Yeah, I’ve been a salesman all my life."
The boss liked him, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.? I’ll come down after we close and see how you went. " ...

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A dog named Sex

Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs.

That's why there are so many named Rover and Spot.

But, have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he'd be cute and named his dog Sex?

It goes like this:
"One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran...

So we landed a car-sized object on Mars...

...but we have no plans to bring it back. As a matter of fact there's at least 3 of 'em up there. Does this make us the rednecks of the Galaxy; leaving our broken down rovers all over our Solar System?

A guy decides to wander the desert for 2 weeks with only supplies and a camel.

After a week though, he starts thinking about women and gets aroused. Considering he’s a week into his solemn stroll, he tries to think of a solution to fulfill his needs. The only solution he could think of was the camel.

He pulls down his pants and begins to try to ... seduce ... the camel...

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[Long] This wealthy couple from New York made a trip down south...

To visit some relatives that retired down in Florida. They were big foodies and decided to make a stop in Tennessee because they had never had good southern food but had heard how good it was. They find a hole in the wall southern food joint and pulled their new Range Rover in between two old beat u...

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Adult store

Bob started his first day at the adult store. Half way thru the day he felt comfortable and was absorbing everything the store owner is teaching him.

Then the store owner gets an emergency store and has to leave. He tells Bob "I have to leave do you want me to close the store or can you ha...

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan. Their captors take them to a mine field and tell them that if they can escape to the checkpoint on the other side, they are free to go. To do so they offer them each whatever transport they want to cr...

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A man is pulled over by a cop for speeding

The cop, however, is a riddle lover and tells the man that he would be free to go without a ticket if he solved his riddle correctly.
The man accepted, and the cop told him: "you're on a dark road, late in the evening. On the opposite side you see two lights coming towards you. What is it?"
...

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My friend works at NASA developing robotic exploration vehicles...

A few years back he was intensely busy with a major project involving a multi-million-dollar remote-controlled rover, often sleeping at the lab and coming home only once every 3-4 days to shower, change clothes, and feed his cats. One of his cats got sick at that time, but he didn't even have time t...

The Scottsman

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked the he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely...

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