How many screwdrivers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?

I've already had four and the damn thing hasn't even budged.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unscrew the light bulb and I will let you put it into my mouth

A young couple takes an elevator ride with an elderly lady. The horny girl tells her boyfriend, 'If you unscrew the light bulb I will let you put it into my mouth'. The guy smirks and they get off on their floor.

The elderly lady relates the encounter to one of her friends saying:

'You...

How does a narcissist unscrew a lightbulb?

They just hold on to it and let the whole world revolve around them.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman.

I was sword fighting this guy medieval style then all of a sudden he starts to unscrew his pommel

And then it hit me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A physics professor asks this question in his class.

If a plane is flying in South East direction at 795 miles an hour and it takes a torque of 58000 N/m2 to unscrew a nut from the main pillar of Brooklyn Bridge, then calculate my age as of today?

The ivy league geniuses in the class immediately went to work. Firing up thier computers and calc...

Here's some Lame Game Dev Humour:

So, I used to work at a studio - doesn't really matter where - and there was this one guy who'd always be around. Just around. I didn't want to seem impolite so I never asked what he did. I kept my head down and did my thing, you know. I mostly forgot about him, except for when I'd be working late a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lightbulb joke compilation

The r/lightbulbjoke subreddit is garbage and I like lightbulb jokes. Please help me build my lightbulb joke collection. (Formatting is not being nice.)


What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

How many hipsters does it take to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Valentine’s Day story

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat. The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while ...

A man comes home to find his door lock is not working properly

He promptly unscrews the hinges, picks up the door and takes it to the market to repair the lock.

The locksmith asks *"If the door's here...what if someone walks into your house?"*

Confused, he replies *"How would anyone get in when I have the door?"*

A man walks into a bar

The bartender says " What would you like son?"
The man jumps up on the counter and starts unscrewing the bulbs from the fixtures.
Bartender looks quizzically at man. Man says "Amstel light"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead visit an old wishing well.

"What are you going to wish for?" the blonde asks the other two.

The brunette and the redhead ponder for a minute, rather ashamed that they didn't think of something beforehand. The redhead looks around for inspiration. When her gaze lingers on the well, she makes up her mind. She fishes a co...

What's the similarities between my wife and a nail?

I can't unscrew either of them.

Two men are staring at a pole.

After a while a blonde woman walks up to them and asks them what they are looking at.
One of them says, " We are trying to determine the height of the pole."
So the blonde quickly opens her purse, removes a spanner, unscrews the bolts and lays the pole flat on the ground. She then pulls out a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving his car along a dirt road...

when the car suddenly stops for no apparent reason. The man has the hood up and is looking at the engine, when he hears a voice behind him say:
"It's your carburetor. If you clean it, the car will start."
He looks around, but there is not a soul in sightin either direction. Then, he notices a ...

Typical dumb blonde...

Billy-Bob and Jimmy are standing at the base of a flag-pole, looking up and scratching their heads, when a beautiful blonde woman walks by and inquires about their purpose.
"We've been hired to find out the height of this here flag-pole, such that we might fit it properly with the flag of this gr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

"Hey bartender! I bet you 50 bucks I can spit on my own eye!"

It being a slow night, the bartender accepts the bet. The man then immediately pulls out his glass eye and hocks a loogie on it.

"Bullshit!" Yells the bartender. "I'm not paying you jack for that!"

Without skipping ...

How many CNN panellists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 - one to screw in the bulb, and one to unscrew it and smash it on the floor in the interest of balance.

The mathematician's interview

A mathematician is interviewing for a prestigious job. To make sure he has the right morals, the interviewer gives him the following situation:

"You're late for a meeting, when you come across a burning house, a fire hydrant, and a fire hose lying across the street. What do you do?"

...

Sicilian reasoning

One lovely summer an italian couple go on holiday to Sicily with their two kids. They park their car close to the seaside, unload their swimsuits, towels and buckets and happily walk to the beach. As they sit down on the sand, Giorgio (dad) suddenly remembers that he left his sunglasses in the car...

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Yes, I know this is a 30+ year old joke, but hope it gave some people a chuckle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to unscrew it, and one to hold the ~~cock~~ ~~father~~ ladder.

What is the definition of masurbation?

Coming unscrewed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A king and a Queen have a big problem...

...they can't have kids! They decide to go to a local sorceress, and she tell them that they have to take the hair of a fox, the saliva of a dragon, and a chip of a mushroom rock, mix them together, and drink it, and they will have a baby. So, they did all those things, and it worked and they had a ...

A man and his wife are on their honeymoon...

The two are in a splendid hotel, in their beds, snuggling down to make love when the newly made wife complains, "Honey, I feel like we're being watched." Because they're both former CIA, he decides to humor his wife and check around the room. Beneath the bed, behind it, even around the corners of th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.