Did you hear about the guy who was shot with a starter pistol?

Police think it is race-related

A man was shot earlier today with a starter's pistol

Police suspect the incident was race related.

I hate when people start their statement with “well for starters”

and then never talk about the main course or the dessert.

Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start.

The Mechanical engineer says:
- "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says:
- "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says:
- "Impurities in the Gasoline"
The IT engineer says:
- "Hey guys, i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".

Did you hear about the guy that got murdered by a starter pistol?

Cops said it was race related

if you don't have any conversation starters try the Titanic

wait nvm it's not a good icebreaker

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women…

I'm calling it: Cadaviar.

Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.

Him: Ok. And for the main course?

Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the local track.

The police believe it was race related.

What are some good conversation starter jokes you can think of?

Just some light jokes with bit of humor . Nothing too dark.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who's making "Colostomy Bag Pipes" on Kick Starter?

They sound like shit.

A man goes into a restaurant and orders off the starter menu.

The waitress brings him a bowl of soup but the man notices she has her thumb stuck in it. When the soup is finished the waitress suggests beef stew as a main course. The man agrees but when she brings the stew to the table he notices she has her thumb stuck it that too. Once the stew is finished the...

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office.


...

I've been asked to lead the singing at Keith Flint's funeral

I'm a choir starter

For Sale: Starter motor for Perpetual Motion Machine.

Only used once.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was having premature ejaculation problems

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor.

The doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm thinking about starting a donation website for men who can't afford Viagra

I was going to call it "Dick starter"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Illness

A man returned from a business trip to Dubai feeling nauseous and looking ghastly. He rushed to the ER and was immediately put through some medical tests.


After a few days of experiencing excruciating pain throughout his body, the doctor walks into the room holding his medical report.
...

Jay-Z owned a baseball team.

From day one, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be a cellar-dwelling team. Everyone on that team had a batting average of below .150, and not a single player scored a home-run. The defense was horrible; every outfielder was scared of fly-balls, the infielders couldn’t catch line drives to s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two friends are having their weekly beer in a bar NSFW

They talk about everything, so it's only a matter of time before one of them asks the other:

"So, how's the sex been lately?"

"Terrible" says the other. "Every time my wife and I hook up, she loses her attention!"

"Well," said the first guy, "I remember having that problem with...

What's the difference between a bucket and a tub?

For starters, the bucket pails in comparison.

Five boys lined up for a race

The starter said “1,2,3 GO!!”

Three of the boys raced away but two boys stayed put

The starter asked “Why didn’t you guys run?”

One of the boys replied “You said 1,2,3 go, didn’t say nothing about me and number 5”

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"

"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."

*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me and my wife have been seeing a marriage counselor lately and when we went in there he says "So tell me what do you two have in common?"

I said "Well for starters… Neither one of us suck dick!"

At an Indian restaurant, can you order bread as an appetizer?

Or is that a naan-starter?

What is the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well for starters the flag is a big plus.

A guy wants to lose weight...

So he goes to the gym and asks for a weight loss package. They offer him two choices: $20 starter package or a $100 deluxe package. He takes the starter package.

He's told to go to the locker room, take off his clothes, and enter the workout room on the left. He does so. Standing naked in th...

The flea jumping competition begins

Fleas from all over the country have gathered here today to take part in the contest. Expect an incredible show.

=

Team 1 from Muts-4-homes Animal Shelter take the stage.

=

The team lines up on the platform...

=

6 --
5 --
...

What does a red apple have in common with a green apple?

For starters, they're both red. Except for the green one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Brian is lonely and decides to hire a hooker.

He drives around until he sees a lady of the night who catches his eye. After going through some formalities she gets in the passenger seat and he asks how much she charges.

"For starters a handy is $375."

"Wow, that seems like a lot of cash for a handjob lady."

"Mister, do you...

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven…

St. Peter: It is probably a bit disorienting, but there are a lot of people here you will want to meet.

Chris: Like who?

St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters.

Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? I d...

Cannibal Jokes...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"



A cannibal invites a friend around for dinner. As they're tucking into the starter, the guest says
"Wow. Your wife make a lovely stew."
"I know." answers the host. "I sure will miss...

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!...

A man at a restaurant

A man at a restaurant sits down at a quiet table in the corner. The restaurant is empty, just him and the waiters inside.

The waiter takes his drinks order, a shaken martini, and heads for the bar to get cracking. As he leaves the man hears a voice call out:

>"Hey Jim, those are gr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A married couple goes to a marriage Counsellor to work out some problems.

The Counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common."

The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."

What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA?

Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wealthy widow decides to get remarried.

So she decides to post an ad in the newspaper.

I am a wealthy widow looking for a new husband. All I ask are three things. 1: he musn't beat me. 2: he musn't walk over me. 3: he must be good in bed. Apply in person at xxx widow's peak.

At 8:00 am the following day, her doorbell rang. W...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Good Girls, Bad Girl’s And Naughty Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot

Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Naughty girls unbutton your pants


Good girls wax their floors

Bad girls wax their bikini line

Naughty girls wax your nutsack


Good girls blush during sex sce...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

LPT: Make sure you properly understand job ads.

* Entry level position = We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
* Experience required = We do not know the first thing about any of this.
* Compensation commensurate with experience = You're still not experienced enough so take this low pay.
* Generous benefits = We will give you ...

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

European and American at a urinal

A European and American go up to a urinal and start peeing. The European turns to the American and says "Heeey.... American!"

The American shoots the man a dirty look and says "European..."

The other man says "Exactly! How did you know!"

The American says "Well, for starters you...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Still single

I was in a restaurant the other day and saw the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. After starters and my first beer I convinced myself that I had to talk to her.
So there I was talking to her. We actually had the rest of diner together and after dessert I already knew that I had to marry this ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

New husband has a problem.

So he goes to the hospital to see his primary physician.

"Doc, my new wife is a dynamo. Every time she touches me I go off. You got anything to help me last long enough to satisfy her?"

"Just the thing," the doctor replies, pulling a starter pistol from his desk. The big red kind that...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At the logging camp...

A Newfie goes to northern Ontario to work in a logging camp. His first day, the foreman gives him a chainsaw and sends out to cut trees. He comes back at the end of the shift and the foreman asks him how it went.

“Jeeze, dat was hard work, but I did cut down two trees.”

The foreman say...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Dad sent me this email titled "Politically Correct Jokes"

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.



The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers .......
So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy



My girlfriend sa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a restaurant...

... with an ostrich that can magically speak. He asks to be seated and the waitress asks if the seat she shows him is alright. The ostrich replies instead saying "Whatever he says is fine with me!".

When it is time to order the man chooses, and the ostrich chooses the exact same drinks, star...

Guy goes into an old Chinese Curiosity Shop in New York. Looking at all the strange, and unique items, he spots a large stuffed rat...

... It being very large and strange, the gentleman decides that it would be a great conversation starter for his office.

He approaches the old Chinese man behind the counter and pays for the large stuffed rat, but as he is leaving he swears he can hear the old Chinese man cackling behind...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a man is sitting on a plane...

And he sees the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in the aisle. He gets excited as he realizes she is coming to sit down in the seat beside him.
The most beautiful woman he's ever seen is coming to sit down beside him!
Once the woman sits they wait in silence for a moment before beginnin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bob is suffering from premature issues in the bedroom...

Him and his wife are tired of it, it's starting to hurt their marriage. Bob decides to take his lunch hour from work and head to his doctor about it.

"Well Dick, it's just happening too fast, I can't seem to get it under control, what do you think?"

"Bob, we have pills and treatments a...

Reddit, what is your favorite Limerick?

One of my favorites seems a perfect starter. ^_^

There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space]

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

City man starts a farm

A city man moves to the country to start a farm. He goes to town and buys some animals.

First, he buys a rooster, but the lady tells him "Around these parts we call it a cock."

Next, he buys a young hen, but the lady tells him, "Around these parts we call them a pullet."

Finally...

A guy is walking down the street and passes a hardware store...

...advertising a sale on a chain saw that is capable of cutting seven hundred trees is seven hours. The guy thinks this is a great deal and decides to buy one.

The next day, he comes back with the saw and complains to the salesman that the thing didn't even come close to cutting down the sev...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Top 10 Jokes from The Edinburgh Fringe

1. Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."

2. Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. "

3. Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fine taster once entered a restaurant and challenged the restaurant owner.

He told the restaurant owner to serve him anything, and he'd be able to identify it. The restaurant owner accepted the challenge, and the starter meal was served. The guest tasted it, thought about it for a few seconds and then said: "This is a paté from a wild boar, duck and common quail. The wine ...

A guy walks into the doctor's office...

He's got a strawberry shoved up each nostril, carrots sticking out of his ears, and a hotdog shoved halfway up his ass.

Hey says, "Doctor, I don't know what it is, but I feel terrible!"

"For starters, you're not eating right."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

St. Patricks day jokes!

This is for y'all to add on to, but I've got us a few starters here. Enjoy!

* So two Irish guys walk out of a bar...

* An Irishman walks into a pub and orders dozens of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives a...

Two brothers in a village

So there were two brothers who lived in a little village with their parents. The older brother had a cat, and what a beautiful cat it was! He loved his cat, absolutely adored it. So one day the older brother's boss told him that he had to go on an assignment to the capital city for the weekend. The ...

A man walks into a hardware store

A man walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk for a faster way to cut down trees. "My axe isn't cutting it anymore, it's just too slow," he says.

The clerk looks around for a bit and comes back with a chainsaw. "Here, this might be what you want." The man says, "Oh yeah, I've heard ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I recently spent 6 hours on a car ride, here are a few of the jokes we told

Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo' drizzle

Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own? Because it was two tired!

What's the difference between a Nazi and a gay guy? *joke teller raises hand to a Nazi salute and then flips it down to show off his nails in a stereotypical gay man f...

10 year old told me this one at the cap I work at: "Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road?"

"Well he tried, but the new Google car doesn't have any feelings, and well... You know..."

Edit: camp I work at

I know its not the fubniest thing ever but i thought it was pretty creative for a kid his age. The other counselor thought otherwise tho. Didn't stop me from giving him permi...

TV shopping.

Mary Sue, a young woman with notable blonde hair, decided that she needed a new TV for her bedroom.

So she goes down to the local applience store and looks around before poking the nearest salesman in the shoulder. "Excuse me sir, I'd like to ask you a few questions about that TV."

The...

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Dad told me this one

This guy went Christmas shopping for his daughter. She said she wanted a Barbie. Typical right? Well he went to the toy store and went looking for a couple Barbies. He grabbed the Malibu Barbie, Katniss Barbie and the holland Barbie. As he was leaving the isle he saw a divorce Barbie. It had a $299 ...