Reassuringly Jokes

“You’ll never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.”

“No, you don’t understand.” answers the doctor. “I’ll put some cream on the place you were stung.”

“Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house.”

“No, no, no!” says the doctor getting frustrated. “I mean, where on... read more

Dishes not the time to panic.

"I've! Shouldn't! You're! Can't!"

The man gets worried, and starts asking the nurse what's happening.

The nurse pats his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, this is normal. She's just having contractions."

“Hey, hey guys? I have the best ties, the best, long, beautiful, red, nobody has ties like me, but I can’t seem to find my tie, my favourite - and not just my favourite, but many people tell me it is their favourite too, many people, in fact, someone called me up a few days ago crying, actually cry... read more

A father was nervously waiting for the risky surgery of his son to end. When he saw the doctor come out of the operating room he asked him: Doctor, could I talk to my son? So the doctor reassuringly responds: Of course. Nurse! Bring this man a ouija board!

Her brother drove her to the hospital, since her husband was away on business. It was a very risky delivery, and the doctors had to put her under during the procedure.

The woman woke up and immediately asked, "Are my babies okay?"

The nurse on call said reassuringly, "Oh yes, your chi... read more

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," s... read more

The smell and sounds quickly made me realise that I was in a hospital, but something wasn't right.

I reached down to feel my legs, but sat up and screamed as I felt nothing!

It was only then that I noticed the doctor standing by the end of my bed who raised his eyebrows in surprise and... read more

So he knocks on the door and his wife answers. She looks him up and down and exclaims, "Drunk again!"

"Don't worry, Honey," he says reassuringly, "I am, too."

As they pass the cookie section, the little girl screams for cookies. The mother says, “Now Missy, we only have a few more aisles to go—don’t throw a fit. It won’t be long.” In the candy aisle, the little girl whines for candy. The mother says,

“There, there, Missy, don’t cry. Two more aisle... read more

He said “No.”, but after a while he really started thinking about it. He approached her that night and explained to her “Honey, I know I said I wouldn’t be mad, but I just can’t handle the thought of another man sitting in my recliner, driving my truck, shooting my guns and my bow—“ she reassuringly... read more

"Hey what's up?" she said

"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied

"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly

"I wanna lick it." I said

She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I sai... read more

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.

Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."

To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care ... read more

...for better bone density, libido, and mood. The woman is a bit dubious, but readily follows the doctor's orders.

A few days later, the doctor gets a call from the woman. "How are you feeling, Mrs. Smith?" he asks.

She replies, "Oh, just wonderful. I am noticing a positive change on t... read more

Mr. and Mrs. Zombie were concerned about Baby Zombie’s eating habits, so they took him to the zombie pediatrician.

“I don’t understand what’s going on!” Mrs. Zombie complained. “We’ve been trying to get him to start harvesting and eating solid brains, but he’s doing it all wrong.”

Mr. ... read more

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly," she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room. ... read more

A woman goes into a coma while pregnant with twins. Her husband dies in the car accident. A few months into the coma, she successfully gives birth to a boy and a girl. Shortly afterward, she wakes up.

"Where are my children? Are they alright?"

The doctor pats her shoulder reassuringly.... read more

He doesn't see a price tag. "That's a nice TV!! How much are you asking for it?" he asks.

Owner replies, "Yes, this is an excellent television and it is all yours for just $1!"

Confused, the guy inquires, "One dollar?! Does it even work? What is wrong with it?"

The owner reassu... read more

And tell him that they would like to conceive a child. The doctor tells them that it's unlikely they will be capable of having a child, but will help them the best he can. He gives the old man a jar and tells him, "Go home and give it a try with this, come back when you have a sample."

The ne... read more