Programmers Jokes - 40 Hilarious Programmers Jokes

Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

Cause light attracts bugs.

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How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. We don't address hardware issues.

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Why do Java Programmers wear glasses?

Because they don't C#.

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Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

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Why is it safest to hire female sheep as computer programmers?

They always have multiple baaa-cups.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of women are computer programmers attracted to?

BASIC bitches, obviously..

How programmers and cats are alike?

They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug

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Why do blind programmers use Java?

Because they can't C.

(I'm so sorry.)

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What language is most commonly used by programmers?

Vulgar

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What do you call a group of programmers?

An argument.

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Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

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You ever hear the one about how many programmers it takes to change a lightbulb?

Zero, because they don't deal with hardware issues.

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What do computer programmers do after work?

They go out and grab a byte.

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Only programmers will get this one:

Why did the functions stop calling each other?

Ans: Because they had too many arguments.

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Why can't Communists be programmers?

Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties

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There are 2.00000001 types of programmers in the world

Those who experience off-by-one errors, and those who experience rounding errors.

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Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

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What do programmers wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

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Why do Python programmers have low self esteem?

They're constantly comparing their self to other.

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Where do programmers get their water?

a 'well, actually...'

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Why do good programmers never put circles into their games?

Because no one likes pointless features.

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Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

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Why do programmers hang out together?

Because they are codependent

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What do programmers want from their bosses?

Arrays

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Programmers hate roman numerals.

But I can't zero in on why

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What do programmers eat for breakfast?

Nothing much, just a byte.

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I get annoyed when people say that us programmers have a superiority complex.

It's not a complex, you idiots

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A Programmers son asks, why is the sky blue?

Programmer: It works, don't mess with it!

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Why do programmers need glasses?

So they can see sharp.

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Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?

They have a lot of arguments.

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A programmers wife tells him to buy groceries

She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen.

He came home with twelve loaves of bread

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Why don't programmers go on panty raids?

Because they get undie find errors.

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Why do cats love programmers?

Because one of their hand always smells like mouse.

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Programmers talking...

\- So I heard you've got a new girlfriend?

\- Yeah, she's amazing, 35-24-35!

\- Deep purple?

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Why are Indians the best programmers?

Because they're born Devs.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Programmers are so sexist...

They treat their dates as objects.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do nazi programmers greet one another?

Zip! File!

Why do Assembly programmers have so much free time at school?

They can't have any classes.

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Why do programmers use binary?

Because they like byte sized problems

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A programmers wife tells him...

"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.

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