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Processed Jokes

A pastor was on his way home from an oil change. On the way, he decided to stop at a church member's house.

After ringing the doorbell the pastor was sure that he saw movement inside the house. He rung the doorbell again, and the pastor noticed someone moving quickly from one room to another. The pastor whipped out a "Several Steps to Becoming a Christian" pamphlet, and quickly scrawled on it 'Revelation ...

Ikea failed miserably at processed meat products business

Someone ordered meatballs and Ikea sends them a cow with DIY instructions

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

A man is processed for his first day in prison...

He's a nice man that made poor choices. Upon entering his cell, he's greeted by a massive, beast of a man with face tattoos and scars.

The beast-man looks his new cell mate up and down and finally says, "Let's play house. Do you want to be the Mommy or the Daddy?"

The new inmate adjus...

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

He took out a business card, wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card ...

I tried buying tickets to a rap concert to see if the bank had processed the loan I requested on my account

They did not Post Malone.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

I have decided I wanted to be healthier so one of my new years resolutions is instead of snacking on processed and sugary foods I am just going to eat nuts instead.

The other is to come out to my parents.

A man goes to prison for robbery.

After getting sorted, processed, and settled, it's lights out and he gets ready to sleep. After a few minutes he hears someone yell out "Forty Six!" and the whole cell block erupts in laughter. A few more moments pass and someone else calls out "Sixteen!" and again, the whole cell block starts laugh...

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

My favorite joke clean joke for my cakeday.

A long time ago in a man from a small town became a train conductor. Unfortunately the man had a severe drinking problem that impacted his work and one day he managed to kill someone while drinking at work. After an investigation he was found guilty and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
...

a Trumper dies and goes to heaven.

After getting processed in by St.Peter he goes to find God. He finds God in the garden listening to the birds.

M: "Can I ask you something?"

G: "Anything my child"

M: "Who was the rightful victor of the 2020 US election?"

G: "Joe Biden won fair and square my child"
...

An Indian is calmly having breakfast...

An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an

American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside

him.The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We on...

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