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Once there was a polar bear named Jerry.

Jerry hated living at the north pole and constantly bitched about it to the other polar bears.

“It’s too fucking cold here” he said. “The water is all frozen, there’s nothing to eat but penguins and I’m constantly covered in fucking snow”.

The other polar bears rolled their eyes and ...

A baby polar bear went out to play one day...

...but an hour later he was back inside. He asked his mom, "Mom, am I a brown bear?" His mom replies, "No, your father's a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, you're a polar bear. Now go back outside and play."

...a half hour later, the baby polar bear comes back in. "Dad... am I a grizzly bear...

What does happen to polar bears if they sit on ice too long

Polaroids

Polar bears used to be brown but through evolution, they turned white

because Police were shooting them



\-Mark Normand

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?

They can’t get the wrappers off them...

Polar bear asks mama bear

Son: Mom are you a polar bear?

Mother: Yes son im a polar bear.

Son: Mom is my father a polar bear?

Mother: You father is a polar bear too.

Son: Hmmm, Is my grandfather a polar bear?

Mother (answers nervously): Yes son your grandfather is a polar bear and whole f...

What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat?

Burrrr - Gurrrrs.

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Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Yes, why?

Are you really sure?

Yes, of course you are a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, your grand parents are polar bears, you are a polar bear?

Definitely?

Yes! You were in the coca cola advert and the...

Why do you never invite polar bears to parties

Because they never break the ice

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a polar bear?

Polar bears don’t have to hide from ICE

How To Catch a Polar Bear

Step 1: Cut a hole in the ice

Step 2: Open up a can of peas and place it by the hole

Step 3: When the Polar Bear goes to the can to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole

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A baby polar bear asked his dad.

Am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are. You are all polar bear, your parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are hon...

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer

The barman says $18 please.

The polar bear pays and takes a seat.

Bemused, the barman approaches and says "this is exciting - we don't get many polar bears in here!", to which the polar bear replies: "I'm not surprised with beer at $18 a pint."

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“Mom, am I real polar bear?”

“Why yes son. Look at your polar bear claws and your white coat, of course you’re a real polar bear. “

“I guess your right, “ said the teenage polar bear.

A few days pass and the son (Fred) goes up to his father this time and asks him if he is in fact a real polar bear.

“Why ...

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A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

I'm totally into polar bears.

Some people call me crazy.

I'm completely Inuit.

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

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A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

Why don't polar bears ever get married?

Because they all have cold feet.

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Little Polar Bear

A little polar bear goes to his father and says, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Dad replies, "I don't know son, go ask your mother." So the little polar bear finds his mom and asks, "Am I 100% polar bear?" Mom thinks about it for a while and says, "Well, I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bea...

Scientists Have Developed a Way to Humanely Capture Polar Bears

It was found that tranquilizing them can have adverse effects, luckily a new method was discovered. Turns out, polar bears love green peas, strange for a carnivore, but helpful nonetheless. In order to capture them, the scientists carve a hole in the ice, not too big to allow escape, but not too sma...

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

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